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Monday, June 09, 2008

Chicken

I hereby confess that I orkutted. Though I normally don't. But was chicken enough to use a fake ID. I orkutted to check how many of my school friends are active in the circle. What became of them after so many years.
I discovered our school community, discovered that a friend is now a mother of 1. I immediately asked her to get in touch with me using our code language for each other's name. She mailed back saying that she had mailed me the birth announcement at my old office id. So you see, Orkut has its benefits.
I discovered who had got married, who did not (lucky gals!), who is getting divorced, who has become a mom and who is trying to conceive, and who is blogging (albeit irregularly). I re-lived my school days. It was a bitter-sweet feeling- knowing about their lives and all. I wanted to reach out, scrap them or search them out.
But then again, I was unsure of how far I could continue. Would I be able to really carry the friendship further. Would they have changed. Will they be pleased about getting in touch with me and will they want to pick up the phone and talk to me from time to time or will I be the only one calling them up whenever I feel like doing it.
The close circle of friends- I am in sporadic touch with them via mails & phone. We normally pick up from where we began- like I did with this one.
But can I really bare my heart to any of them- No! Can I tell them about my blog? No - atleast not for the moment- I am not ready to become an open book to them yet.
Some in my family & extended family read my blog - that is fine.
Some friends also read and that is also fine. But the communication is 2-way.
Not like sharing my world & myself with everyone out there about whom I do not even know.
Well, that must be an understatement -yet I am not sure whether i want to reconcile my blog persona with my persona of school days and today's persona yet.
Somehow I am more comfortable sharing all details of my life with an unknown audience rather than a known one. Anonimity breeds security?
I discovered a lurker sometime ago via my stat counter. We zeroed down the webpage to the person because he has named it with his real name. We confirmed after he added his photo on his page. Now my fight is that you are reading me, you know me personally, I never invited you so doesn't propriety demand that you mark your presence by leaving behind a comment? Or just go on reading everyday getting all vicarious pleasure knowing whatever is happening in my life. Well, it is pretty much there for everyone to read but if one knows me and discovers me, I would expect a buzz.
My blog is a medium to reach out, to therapy, to record, to share, to connect- most of these which lack in real life. Most strangers will read & form impressions of the persona and will perhaps treat each blog post as episodes. Whereas someone who already know me will get a bigger & complete picture of my life as it is today. I may use my blogger's license to distort or exaggerate just to add a story value. A known guy will take it as real. That is what gives me a discomfort. They will try to unnecessary reconstruct what is happening in my real life basis my blog life. That's my rant.
Now should I go private and send passwords? Will people want to login everytime they want to read me? Will my ego suffer when I see no takers for a password protected blog?

12 comments:

Anand.S said...

Now, I really thought the post was to do something about chicken (going by your previous posts). Anyway, your points are valid. Reciprocation is the key, I believe.

Anand.S

Andy said...

did it.... check me out

Something to Say said...

hmmm.... valid points itchy. Ideally lurking is 'not-happening'. You've taken the first step by making it known that you dont like 'known people' lurking.
And you managed to track down - this one person? Woweeee....
Passport protected blog????? hmmmm but then wouldnt you loose out on a whole of other bloggers who share interests but are not ready to shed their annonymity?

Mama - Mia said...

so many questions and such few answers! esp for me, because my life has been pretty much an open book and what is intensely private isnt on any public forum! period!

i would just pick up the phone and talk to someone who i trust! :)

but yeah, you points are valid! why shouldnt someone tell you if they do read your blog, esp, when they know you!

what pleasure do we get by being judgemental peeping toms?

cheers!

Just Like That said...

if the person said he/she's a friend, be assured that that is a lie. No true friend would hide having discovered your blog. And yeah, its somehow unnerving that a person known to you has been secretly reading all about you. Reminds me of peeping toms. Brrr! But go private.? :-( I dunno

Anonymous said...

hey, i didn't know that it was a crime to read your blog. BTW, it is fantastic, it is one of the first sites i read everyday. Initially, i wanted to only see if you write about any of the people we know in common, but now i am hooked on.

I will stop reading if it pisses you off in anyway .. and i am amazed that you can catch a lurker (what is that?) and you are not even in software..
Sorry again.

Shobana said...

Yes, that would make sense...for someone you know, to leave a mark their presence. It helps to save face in the future, err...should I think about writing something related to that person.

Spontaneity and Afterthoughts said...

Hey!!

I understand the orkut thingie and also the need for acknowledgement. Real fun and interesting read your blog is.
Your Twins are such handsome guys.
I am newbee in the blog world and came to your profile hiphopping which started at Boo's.

Will add you on my list so that I can keep coming back. Hope thats ok with you.

Itchingtowrite said...

anand- do I know u? I am guessing- need to ask the lady who I think knows u!
andy- done- now start posting pls
STS/ JLT- true true. ego dosn't allow to password protect
mama mia- yes, atleast let me know one's presence if one knows me, right- thats all i ask
anon- if i am right- i know who u r- its not a crime. its a public space & anyone has a right to read it. but since u know me, i wud hav appreciated if u wud have let your presence known to me instead of me racking my brains for months when i see mine is the only site linked on your home page with no reciprocal contact so that I cud ask who u r! u r most welcome on my page
Shobana- ha ha!!!
Spomtaniety- thanks!! do keep coming!!


thanks for the compliment!

deepa said...

For gods sake don't go private! Whats with all the lovely bloggers I loved reading going private. It sucks. Now, not you too.Not! not!

@lankr1ta said...

Me here! I just discovered your blog- and am I fascinated by your double trouble tales!

Grace said...

yes its amazing how we don't mind strangers knowing all but r wary of being judged by known people. I love ur blog. never thought I cud enjoy reading about children, somebody else's on top of it..cute kids, wonderful writing..best wishes!:)