Meeting the Nephew

I discovered it is so easy to forget.
Forget that you once were expertly handling a baby, no, 2 babies who were much smaller and lighter when they were born just a little more than 4 years ago. It is also so easy to forget that new borns are so tiny that even the smallest of clothes seem to be big on them.

I discovered it is so easy to get used to handling the infant within a short space of time. So much so that you begin to move from task to task seamlessly- change nappies, wash bum, stuff in the bottle, make the baby sleep, sing lullabies- yes the same 4.5 year old movie songs and then switch to more recent, relevant songs like Iban batuta, Mudi mudi mudi.

I discovered that it is extremely natural to start missing the new baby as soon as one is back to home base. And your own children seem to be heavier and larger than you ever thought.

I never thought in my wildest dream that it is possible for me to love a baby that has not come from me. As they say, babies are complicated. They make people respond in unexplicible ways.

I made a short lightening trip to Patna from Kolkata (official) just to see the precious baby. And so did the Mamu. And here are some of the photos that captures my moments with the baby.

Presenting the little Donut with the proud Mamma and Mamu

The one in which Donut looks so much like Ojas- they have the same expression when they cry

The one in which he giggles like Tejas

with proud Mausi (that's me) and Nani who seems to think I cannot handle Donut at all and snatches him everytime he cries in my lap
with Nana who believes that the Sun shines out of Donut's BumWith Badi Nani and Mami Nani

With Bade Nana

With the favourite Mamis- who expertly check the diaper

We all thought that lazy Mamu was very keen to play with Donut- but no, he seems to be more keen to catch on his sleep

11th May 2010

They say early morning dreams come true.

And so I was dreaming... and in my dream I was talking to my sister who was sitting up straight in her hospital bed and telling me - the baby has come.

The phone alarm rang and I woke up with a start- totally confused and disoriented - 7 am. (don't laugh- I need alarm for 7 am even)

At around the same time, in a country that is around 12.5 hours behind us, the baby boy was born.

Fair, tall, dark haired and handsome...

So one set arrives on 01.11.20 05 and this one arrives on 11.05.20 10... just a play of digits!

A Model Robbery (Real Incident)

And incase you wondered-some sidelines

1. Dacoit 1 stayed in the living room arguing with Uncle 1 & Kid 1 & 2 and escaped with the TV remote- he never could get the watch he was eyeing

2. It's true- dacoits do ask for the cupboard keys

3. Girl 1 (who was ha-ha -ing) burst into tears of shock as soon as the dacoits left

4. Boy 1 who was just out of his bath and loitering about in a towel immediately put on his trousers when he realized that robbers had arrived

5. And where was I- in the inner lobby and got in when Grandma walked out and was the one who was pushing the door shut - inches away from the rusted gun weilding masked dacoit- ugggh

6. One lady inside the room thought it was a good idea to cover her head with her sari - to hide her diamond earrings

7. The lady who was bravely pushing the door shut was extremely worried whether the bullet had hit her husband's new shoes stowed under the sofa

Bother Brother

Sis tells to Brother-Restrict access to my wedding albums on orkut/ facebook
Next day Bro tells sis- good you asked me to restrict access- someone tried to access the albums after that and failed
Sis- who tried?
Bro- ITW (yours truly who has joined orkut just to search for a particular friend and facebook just to play the word game and that's all)

Back to Base

And totally party-lagged
So much so I wake up in the morning and say- what? no party to attend today?
2 weddings, 2 sangeets -DJ facilitated and 1 reception apart from a host of other functions & pujas. I promise a detailed round up of everything as the photographs come along.
So 5 children on this branch of the family have been married off and 3 remain- a little while to go for those.
And we have taken a pledge to meet once a year atleast to enable the kids to know their family, and for us to unwind and bond.
The last 10 days leave me fatigued, satisfied, recharged, a little sad after the bonding with family and eager to see what the future holds for us, now that we have 2 new members in the family...additions after a gap of 5 years.
Touch Wood!

Biology Lessons

Sister- Try to teach Human Body using the Biology text book- this is Vas Deferens
Also called- looking at the pencilled text above the printed label "Vas" and at the same time trying to juggle her memory on Biology basics- Chaminda (imagining that the teacher would have told in class the alternate terminology for Vas Deferens)
Brother- giggling - Didi, Teacher did not tell us the alternate term, I meant the cricketer Chaminda Vas

Tiny Thoughts- Revolt of the Doormat

Those who have never bothered to respond after receipt will henceforth not be sent the rakhis. I have decided to do so because now it is not about them, it is about me:
1. I do not deserve to be treated like that
2. I am better off without them
3. They are not worth my time (or money)
4. A Rakhi means something to me. It also means that the recipient has to respect the sentiments attached to it. If that doesn't happen, I am being unfair to the concept of Rakhi by sending it out to those recipients.

Factual Fiction- Guavas

Early Morning-
Man- Sir, Shall I pluck some guavas from your tree.
D- go ahead, pluck some.
Mid Day-
D, near a bank- How much are these guavas?
Man- Rs 10/ kg (or some random figure)
D- Bl00dy, you plucked these guavas from my house this morning. Are these "some" guavas?

History Repeats Itself

My cousin S at the age of 4 after getting a slap from his mom- Pyar karo (hug/ kiss me)
Ojas / Tejas after getting a whack from me- Hands/ Legs/ Buttom tuti (broken), give Kissie

To The Grand Old Folks!

Yesterday was Grandparents’ day. So this one is to record about them ….
I have always and still do, associate grandparents with vacation, good food, plenty of mangoes and litchi, gifts, gossip sessions and surprise in their cupboard. Perhaps because most of the summer vacations and some of the winter ones too were spent lazing around in my grandparents’ homes- both paternal and maternal. In fact even when I was carrying, and was slogging in office, struggling with house work and disliking all food in general, I had vivid images and almost made plans to go off to my native place and relax and get fed by my aunt there. The high risk situation and the need to stay close to the doctor prevented me from taking off!
Every summer the bunch of cousins used to camp at grandparents’ place – the prime activities that I remember were competing with each other in terms of number of mangoes eaten or the degree of cleaning up the mango seed of all flesh & fibre, or completely turning the living room upside down by converting the sofa backs/ cushions into make believe houses or aircraft, swinging on the large swing placed in the aangan, sampling pickles, visit the local supposedly hi fi club, watching unlimited movies and TV… seems to be very drab stuff as per today’s standards but still, I can’t imagine a phase more exciting than that.
I must say, no kid should be deprived of the most important benefit of grandparents- gifts! I may see a little shallow and material but then who does not like getting gifts? And gifts reflect and speak out the thought behind the giver. And kids love this materialistic expression. I don’t remember of any occasion that my mom’s mom has omitted gifting me with anything…till date. My Mom’s Papa’s gifts have been his largesse in terms of flight tickets, share of cash received from ancestral property etc.
My grandma taught me Maths problems whenever she visited us and also ised to tell me some great bed time stories. Grandfather used to take us out for drives, wonder how he was not annoyed by the bunch of us troubling him!

My paternal grandparents were not great In-laws to Mom but we did receive our share of affection from them. My memories of my Grandfather were of those compulsory boxes of Nutrine toffees he used to get us, the competition between him and us siblings for being the first one to read the new magazine, and the Rs 100 that he used to give me when I used to go back to the hostel. My Grandma was a little too obvious in her liking for the male progeny but as time goes, I don’t seem to feel hurt about it. After all, my own brother was included in her fold of favouring the boys. I remember the tiny paper clothes we used to make in the lazy afternoons on the terrace along with her and the various cock & bull tales she used to concoct for our benefit.
The tribute would be incomplete without writing about the grandparents from Ojas’ & Tejas’ point of view.
Without the grandmoms, Mom would have been clueless on how to handle them. In sickness or in health! These grandmothers nurtured them before birth by feeding the mom what was good for them and what the mom liked best during that phase. Even making clothes to adequately accommodate the big home they were living in. Once they were born, they took care of all the little needs like bathing, washing the poop, stitching clothes, making food, making them sleep, the mom was busy being mother dairy, rest of it was taken care of.
The Mom has been able to go about the task of bringing her share of bread & butter and paying for the loans while the Grandmoms took care of the kids at home. If not for them, the family’s net worth would have considerably reduced.
The grandpas took care of the outings morning and evening. The compulsory exposure to the sun and oxygen at the right time and the walk/ pram rounds in the evenings were taken care of. While the grandmas ensured that Ojas & Tejas were dressed to kill during their evening walks… so much so that the Mom feared she would herself cast the evil eye on them.
Mom has learnt patience from grandparents who inspite of being bone tired never raise and angry voice at the kids. The grandparents are there to take over whenever Mom & Dad would like to go for shopping or a movie or dinner for two. Most of the toys/ equipments/ clothes have been grandparents’ contribution – both birthday and unbirthday presents- (as put in Alice in Wonderland).

Both kids had the good fortune of being fed their first solid food by my grandparents, their great grandparents. Also, their first birthday cakes were cut in turn via their grandmas and grandpas...something we insisted, as a tribute to the grandparents and to honour their bonding with the kids.

The kids love the patient on the phone conversation and songs from the grandmoms and the now expected popcorn/ chocolate from Grandfather. A bundle of fun, gifts, indulgence is all grandparents are about!!!

Dedications- Humour in the Family & Office

For those who missed them, You could read the first 2 parts here & here

Humour in the Office

We were at a training session in Rain Tree. We had booked a conference hall and the package included cost of lunch. Since it was 10 am by the time we started some of us ordered for coffee for which the company would pay separately. A few minutes later, the boss walks in. We suggested that he could take coffee if he wished to.

MS to the Boss- you can take but it is not included in the package, we have to pay for it.
Boss (Poor Guy!!)- If everyone is having coffee then why should I miss out! I also want one….

MS-Who is the Father of nation
Me- Gandhi
MS- Who is the Mother of nation
Me- ??Kasturba??….
MS- No – Mother Teresa

We buy hair swatches for our shampoo/ hair oil evaluation process wherein you have to smell the hair and give the feedback
I was queasy about touching that hair and evaluating
MS- why are you worrying, I have washed that hair swatch so well and so many times –I can assure you even that person would have not washed it so well when it was there on her head.

Does it change things?????

MS - my ex-colleague

Humour in the Family
N- Mom has got 6 mangoes. Each of us will eat one.
She takes one and gives another one to P. N finishes her portion and goes off. P continues to eat
After an hour N finds P still eating
N- how dare you eat another mango, followed by one mild slap.
P- crying.. this is the same one I am eating.

Setting- The family is sitting one afternoon and chatting
Ru- Anise is supposed to improve your memory
Everyone- yes our memories are getting really weak nowadays
Then each one relates her experience of failing memory. After about half and hour
N- You know someone told me someday that anise is very good for your memory
Ru- I said! Half an hour ago

N & P – my mom & her sister, Ru- their SIL/ My aunt

Sh to M- Can you get me a summer project in your company
M- Ok, send your CV to my colleague in Delhi branch with a cc to me.
After a few days-M’s colleague to M- Sh’s mobile number is not accessible
M calls up Sh who is sleeping in her hostel at that time- Hey you have given your old mobile no in your CV
Sh- half asleep- how do you know? And how come you have my new number. (Conclusion- when they are half asleep, some people ask silly questions instead of answering the question they have been asked)
M-helpfully- Ok I will ask my colleague to call you on this number and you change your number on your CV
Sh- Ok, ask her to call after 5.00 pm, I am sleeping now.
M- ???? I thought you wanted the project

M- my sister, Sh- my cousin

Uncle to R my brother when he was young- Do you know the meaning of puling- streeling (meaning masculine & feminine gender resp)
R- I know the meaning of puling not streeling- puling means apney taraf kheechna
(one pulling someone else towards one’s direction)

This one makes me sentimental-

My paternal grandma to R my brother when he was young- When you will grow older I will select your bride
R- How come? You would have died by then?

R- my brother

R my cousin leaves a super clean plate on the rack next to the kitchen sink
Maid begins to keep it on the plate rack
R- arree don’t keep it there, wash it first, I had eaten in that plate.

On another similar occasion R’s wife D tells the maid who is watching in obvious disbelief at R’s ultra clean plate- please clear R’s plate. He has in fact finished eating

R’s son A wants to go out of the car while we are driving. His ploy to get him out real fast- Mummy, susu potty jaana hai…meaning I want to pee and poop….

R wanted to take his son to an amusement Park. We went to VGP. After we finished enjoying (?) the meager entertaining facilities of the park, I asked him how he liked it.
R- I was amused

R’s wife D- Kehte hai (It is believed that …)
R- hold on, if she starts a sentence with “it is believed that..” it means she does not know who said it, there is no proof that it is true and she has never experienced it first hand.

R -my cousin


Grandpa to R my brother on his anniversary (within earshot of my Grandma)- If I had seen your grandma before marriage I would have never married her
Grandma- looks at Grandpa with disdain (he had got a boil on his foot a week ago and was somewhat limping)- Huh, who would have married this lame fellow anyway!

Grandpa & Grandma went jewelry shopping for the anniversary gift for Grandma
Grandma likes one ring and asks Grandpa- What is your budget for the gift
Grandpa- Rs 10k
Grandma- I like this one which costs Rs 12 K, you pay Rs 10K & I will pay the rest.
They do exactly that- with neither one willing to let go.

K takes Rs 5 from his dad and goes to buy pencils. He spends Rs 3 on pencils, Re 1 on candy and returns Re 1 to his Dad
K’s dad- where is another rupee
K- I spent Rs 4 on pencils
K’s dad gave a tight slap and said next time you must tell the truth. Then I won’t hit you

A few days later K breaks his Dad’s sun glasses while sneaking and playing with it
K boldly walks up to his Dad- I broke it. See I am so truthful
K’s Dad- ???

K- my hubby

Humour in the Family

R Jokes
Me- You must come back home (after playing) at 6.00 pm.
R- How will I know the time, I don’t wear a watch
Me- Come back before the street lights are switched on (which used to be between 6.00 pm & 6.15 pm)
After R came back home at 6.45 pm
Me- Why did you come so late
R- You only asked to come after street lights are on, and I have come back home as soon as the street lights were switched on
That day there had been a power cut …

Mom- eat your daal (pulses)
R- why, if I do not eat daal will somewhere some volcano will erupt
Obviously under the influence of too many chacha chowdhry comics where somewhere some volcano erupts when Sabu gets angry.

R woke up in the morning and started reading champak comic. As a result he was delayed, missed his school bus and came back home, dejected, head down waiting for the barrage from Mom
Mom (shouting sarcastically) - Go keep your school bag in your room and sit and read champak
R did exactly as told

*R is my brother

M Jokes
Me, while coaching her in Physics after passing class 10 – Where should a shaving mirror be placed – the answer was obviously to be given in terms of concave mirror, focal point etc.
M held her hand in front of her face and indicated where

*M is my sister

R-S Jokes
1. I have practically forgotten that my name is R (during the marriage talks). People always say “the boy” will go and meet the girl or all depends on whether “the boy” likes the girl, instead of saying “R” will go and meet “girl’s name”- fill in the blanks

2. R- I can see the entire Delhi on my cycle
S- Me too
R- How come? You don’t know how to ride a bicycle
S- Sitting behind you

3. Mom- S, you must study well. See how your Dad can easily buy things for you because he has studied well and is earning well. Similarly what will you do when your children ask you for toys, books etc?
S- I will say go beta (son) go, ask your Grandfather

4. R my cousin to R my brother- If you go to the toilet in my (residential) college now, you will take 2 buckets of water, one to flush off the previous fellow’s shit and the 2nd for yours. After spending 6 months there, you will manage with 1 bucket.
R my brother- Why?
R my cousin- because as you get used to this lifestyle, you will flush out only the previous fellow’s shit.

*R-S are my cousins

N-Sh-A Jokes
We all know the adage that a girl and her aunt (father’s sister) are considered to be similar in many aspects as they belong to the same family. And since like forces repel…
Background- Sh’s Mother is N’s Aunt (father’s sister)
N, teasing Sh- you resemble your aunt (father’s sister)
Sh- obviously not very thrilled- No I don’t … and retorted- infact “you” resemble “your” aunt (who is Sh’s mother ultimately)

A to his sister Sh while fighting- why are you hitting me with so much force?
As if it was ok if she hit him softly while fighting- I mean, why would she bother about that?

N, Sh, A are my cousins