Why Couples Fight?

The dirtier fighter is the one who refuses to fight at all.
Ha! I do enjoy a good, full blown quarrel which lets out steam and bottled up filth. There are times when I am really spoiling for a fight. I goad hubby into arguing back with what I think as his baseless arguments. And in reward, I get to use the choicest of vocabulary, sarcasm and bring forth all complaints. Sometimes the fights get so muddled up that we forget what the issue was.

What annoys her
Lack of Appreciation- Face it; she likes to be appreciated, even if she has blended watermelon juice. And if you garnish it with “you make it better than Mom” she is your slave for life. But the problem is that the “he” species does not want to say it and get into trouble.
Lack of vocal indication of undying love- She knows it but he still must say it again. His logic, well I am living with her so isn’t it obvious?
Maid did not come- This upsets the orderly running of the household and to make things worse he seems unaffected by it. Now, that irritates.
Silent treatment- he appears to be apparently unconcerned about silent treatment or sometimes unaware that the operation is on.
The wet towel on bed and newspaper all over the place factor- yes, it is a big deal for her. It grosses her out, while he feels that instead of cribbing about it she should remove it herself. Say please, she might soften but don’t assume that if he says “why can’t you do it”, she will feel guilt ridden and do it.
Untimely Humour- She is hopping mad about something and he dares to laugh it off.
Gadget affliction-if not cricket, there is football to watch, or the conference call on mobile phone or pending work on the laptop. She wants to talk and he responds in monosyllables as his prime occupation could be any one of the 3 above.

What annoys him
1. Non-cooperation- he has suddenly decided to cook something or clean the house and wants her to cut all ingredients and give to her or help him in the cleaning. She refuses to cooperate. Her logic, cooking includes cutting, preparation & cleaning.
2. Apparent Nagging- when she asks him to do something that faintly resembles multi tasking- like buying vegetables on the way back from work, keeping an eye on the kids while watching TV or ensuring that the kid doesn’t pull down most of the items placed too close to the edge of the kitchen table while he decides to make juice for the whole family that blue moon day. He claims he is engrossed, she feels he is plain careless or unconcerned.
3. Perfectionism- She insists that the photo frame has to be placed at that particular angle or only a specific size of potatoes has to be bought or a trip has to be planned down to the smallest detail like who will carry which bag.
4. Taking a long time to get ready- He can never understand the importance of not repeating attire or wearing the right coloured hair clip or sandals.
5. Solicited advice that is never taken- Why does she ask which outfit suits her best in a shop and then buys something which he ruled out in the first place.
6. Faux Dieting- He orders coffee/ coke / dessert hinting heavily that he doesn’t want to share this time. She refuses vehemently but digs into it all the same.
7. Control Freak- She stops him from drinking, smoking, night out with guys. Her logic, it is for his good she stops him. He thinks she is exercising control. She wants him by her side rather than spend time with his friends. He feels he deserves to do his own things sometimes

His & Hers - Quirks of Nature

Ideas picked up from personal experience and my interaction with other couples

His
He throws the wet towel on the bed instead of putting it up on the clothes line

Leaves the newspaper lying around in unimaginable places after reading

Stuffs the socks inside the shoes for days and gives for washing when they reach the yuck stage

Banana peel/ chocolate wrapper will be proudly seated on the sofa

Leaves soap wrapper on the bathroom shelf

An empty glass will almost always be found under the sofa

He will say I‘ll be back in 15 minutes and will take almost 2 hours to be back

Will never pick up the clothes from clothes line

Will expect her to keep the home spic & span. He will do the major cleaning once in a blue moon and expect to receive the benefit of the good deed in the form of praises and no major work given till the next blue moon when he decides that the cleaning has to be done.

Hers
She refuses to order a soft drink in the restaurant, even tries to dissuade him from ordering one- but happily take a larger than fair share from the soft drink that he orders

Makes long telephone calls to her Mom & other relatives but blames him if the bills are huge –tells him that it is all because of the continuous browsing he did.

Somehow blames him for everything- unpaid/ overdue bills, missed couriers, even maid not turning up

Asks him to drop her to work, for shopping etc even if she knows how to drive- gives the cold treatment if he refuses to drop her.

She fights with him if he watches TV but keeps a tight schedule of TV viewing herself

Will always complain that he does not take her out

Always asks why do you love me or do you love me or how much do you love me.

Will compare present behaviour with pre-marriage behaviour- holding hands, romancing, giving flowers

Will expect him to clean the loo

Unanswered Questions
Who fills the water bottles and keeps inside the fridge?
Who makes the bed?
Who keeps the groceries inside when both have taken the trouble to shop for them?
Who remembers the due date for bills?
Who supervises the plumber, carpenter, mechanic and gardener?
Who reads the documents of investments?
Who negotiates or rather bargains during purchases?
Who does the planning & organizing of functions/ parties?

Before (Babies) & After (Babies)

Then-
Me - will you wash the chicken?
Hubby- uuhhh , put the chicken in the bowl & put some water- I will wash it then
Me- (snort) Better I only do it..
Now,
Me - will you feed the babies their lunch meanwhile I will wash the chicken?
Hubby- Don’t worry, I will wash the chicken for you. Let me try my way of cooking also.

Then-
Inlaws/ Other relatives- we are coming to visit you
Us- we were planning to go out now so you can come after 9.00 pm
Now,
Inlaws/ Other relatives- we are coming to visit you
Us- we were planning to go out now so you come fast and take care of the kids while we quickly go out and come back

Then-
Maid- I can’t do all this work, I will quit
Me- Fine, you are not indispensable, I can find another one. (oh, my god hope she doesn’t go)

Now,
Maid- I can’t do all this work, I will quit
Me- You are the best. How can I manage without you? Pleeeease don’t go

Then-
Hubby- don’t pack lunch for me, I will eat in office
Me- when I am there why do you want to eat outside food? I will pack for you & I have already cooked everything
Now-
Hubby- don’t pack lunch for me, I will eat in office
Me-Anyway I haven’t cooked till now, but good you can eat fresh & hot food. It becomes too cold in the Air Con. Actually, better if you eat the office food everyday, what say?

Ma vs Ma in law

I have learnt that-
one may have differences with Ma & MIL alike but, with Ma one can open up easily and fight it out as one knows her all her life. With MIL there is a hesitation to cross the rubicon. Its upto the MIL & hubby to help out the damsel in distress. And as fights with ma go, one forgives and forgets the next moment, the same principle applies to fights with MIL . And a good argument (this is the word I like to use rather than fight) truly clears the air.

If Ma buys the same stuff that one has bought, one says our tastes are same, if MIL does the same, one says she is copying - she always wants the same thing that I have - one has the need to shine at the in-laws side in all respects - talent, tastes, attitude - if MIL posseses the same thing, one cannot show-off

If Ma messes up, one silently covers up - but MIL has to answer the son - probably because the son never believes that his Ma can go wrong. there is an urge with one to show that hubby's Ma is not all that perfect

Grass is always greener on the other side- One never likes one's MIL but friends' or relatives' MIL is usually very sweet, understanding and adjusting.

All said and done today's MIL is extremely low maintenance than those of bygone years. Am sure the next gen DIL has a lot to look forward to.

Steps to make MIL-DIL relationship better
Shop together- nothing like saying you select for me ..( even pay for it hopefully)
Gossip- women bond well at this especially if the object of gossip is universally hated by both
Cook together and praise the other's skills
Find the weak spot - more often than not it would be praise for some special skill or a favourite show/ film
Gifts - as Alice said there are more unbirthday presents (364 against 1 on b'day)- find occassions other than b'days - the surprise element adds to the pleasure

Women in Love

What happens when 2 women are in love with the same man? There is bound to be jealousy and squabbles. And what if the two women share the same name; the same spaces and sometimes even the same kitchen? Conflicts? Competition? And how exactly does the man play the balancing act? He loves both women albeit in different ways. He would like to believe that he is treating both of them fairly. Sometimes the novelty of one relationship may take precedence over the time-span of the other relationship and vice versa. But definitely he would have his preferences and biases. I wouldn’t call such a relationship as triangular. A triangle would bind the relationships, whereas to me it is boundless. So, to graphically put it- if one were to draw a straight line, the man would be the centre and the 2 women would be on the extreme ends of the axis- the object of either’s love is same but directionally opposite. And these two women love the man too much to blame him so the blame goes squarely on the other woman in the man’s life. And that is when the conflict begins and the man gets pulled into it whether he likes it or not.
A little bit of intelligence could sort this out easily.
1. the basic understanding that no body hates the other coordinate in this whole game- even the two women
2. time – together and exclusive – no matter what, when 2 women get together there are enough gossips and bitching to bond them
3. space- to each other – hey be practical the guy cannot always take only you out for shopping or function- some occasions warrant that both of you join him
4. sportsman spirit- hey be a sport- one of you have to be second. You both can’t be equally good at everything – be it at cooking his favourite dish or being his idea bouncing board or being his best friend…
5. and remember – times change – you could be or would have been in the other’s shoes some time or the other…

Hey, did I mention that the women in question are the much talked about Mom in law and Daughter in law?