Just Thoughts

And before we knew, we are already at the end of 2011. Last year around this time, I was anticipating something to happen and not at all betting my money on it. However, before I realised, I am already 8 months into the old new job. Time flies and all that.

This year has been extremely busy for me. First was the book reviews that I got myself into. Suddenly I realised that the reviews were hijacking my personal posts and just to be a little more professional about it, I recently launched The Reading Corner and moved all the reviews and author interviews there. Do spend some time and check it out for reviews of new book releases.

While on one hand it fuelled my thirst for books, it also came with the responsibility of putting my thoughts into reviews. And oh the variety! In the last 9 months I have read a range of genres...murder, thriller, romance, fiction, detective, classics like Tagore, Saratchandra, Indian writers, Foreign writers, award winners, first time writers, self improvement, kiddy books, boring books, interesting books, short stories, terribly long stories...

Then the new job. It kept me busier than I imagined and there has been no time to breathe or even think of relaxing. For the first time when the parents were here, I did not take even a single day off and as a result I have leaves lapsing for the first time in my working life.

I have multitasked, hoped to generate a couple of self clones to help me cope better, and have done late sittings...another first in my working life, just to get rid of backlog so that the next morning is easier. It never is, is another thing altogether.

Simply speaking I have not had time to blog properly so I have switched to email micro or mini blogging so that atleast my thoughts are posted on my space. Which is why the kid's birthday post never came up because for that I need to put the photographs and the best ones are in the camera and not on my mobile.

The one battle that I lose everyday is the battle with weight. I gain, I lose and gain it back yet again. Time famine is making me less regular at the gym than I would like to and every day I look at myself in despair.

We did a lot of home redecorating. The husband fulfilled his long time dream of putting wooden flooring and I am yet to post photos of them. Yes, we are still struggling to keep a movie style clean, spic and span home but realise that is not really possible with my two monkeys and with he limited floor space we have. I am learning to live with this realisation and trying hard to make up for lack of space by decluttering more often than needed.

I do want to do more with my life. The reading for instance. I want to do more of it with the kids yet I do not seem to find the time or their attention. Even though I know it is just a matter of starting and they will get hooked on. Now that they know how to read. In the new year, I promise to be a different person.

And of course the travel. We did very little of that this year not counting the several official trips I did and the Gurgaon holiday we managed to take and without Dadda....another first...travelling alone with the 2 bandars...it turned out to be easier than I expected.

Ojas and Tejas have got more smacks this year than they ever got so far, and this despite several promises to self that I will not smack them today. They are really becoming naughty and out of control! However they have crossed two milestones that made us all very happy and relieved...they began to wash their respective bums and learnt to cycle in 3 days flat.

The next year, I need to find a keyboard teacher for the kids. And that is a personal task I have set. I need someone who can come home and teach. That cuts the commute and the variables because I do not expect to be around most of the time To ferry them to and fro classes.

Wish you all a very happy 2012. So what did you do this 2011?

Celebrating Mommyhood

Via Kiran via Monika on Celebrating Mommyhood.

A tag to list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommy bloggers.

1. To not only answer questions but to also question the answers- I always thought MBA taught me that. But no. Come motherhood and I am always debating, questioning, reading, googling, asking, seeking, more than what I was doing earlier. Sometimes I am questioning age old traditions like stuffing cod liver oil into a fish eating child's daily diet in hot summery Chennai or complicated stuff like whether mutton is cooling (yin) or heat generating (yang). And other times I am trying to compose the best possible answer to the kids' questions.

2. To Exercise Self Control- Leading by example takes a whole new meaning altogether. So it could be something like giving up junk food altogether (or err banishing junk food from home), or switching off the TV while eating and strictly eating at the dining table rather than languishing on the sofa, or putting the shoes back into the shoe rack instead of allowing them to lie scattered right outside the rack. Or more difficult stuff like restraining the tendency to quarrel like wild cats. (touch wood)

3. Being Straight on the Narrow- coming back home on time from office, no loitering around in shops unless really necessary or grabbing a bite in a restaurant. Keeping me time/ girlie time to hours when I will not be missed.

4. Stretching the 24 hours to beyond- Making the most of the time the kids are napping by cramming in as much work as possible, multitasking, and often urging others to multitask- handing over job works to the husband while he watches TV- give the kids breakfast, get them to do homework, maybe even fold the laundry. Grabbing any available time for reading. Gymming while the kids nap or play. Making the beds, oiling my hair, getting kids to change and many more tasks during the commercial break on TV. I have become the queen of multitask and the queen of home management even without being present at home all the time.

5. Appreciate my Parents/ Parenthood- Above all, this is what motherhood has taught me- to appreciate any parent. To appreciate the fact that parents always wish the best for their children. Regardless of what we children feel, or regardless of the fact that perhaps even if we feel that is not the best for us, and we may be right, our parents do not intend to do anything that is less than the best for us.

Inspite of being parents, they are humans first and like every human being- they might have their clay feet. They might have their failings but their heart almost always wish the best for their children.

I tag anyone who would like to take this up.

Palace of Illusions

"Some women want a lot from life ...
(Well, all women are equal,
But some are more equal than others)
So some want more than the usual...
Panchaali for instance!

Even the all powerful God could not manage that feat...
A single man with all these traits (treats)?

Nah!!! stuff & nonsense!
And even 5 were not enough to match her criteria...
Ah! All that I sense...
Is that though she was a fighter
And a tough one that too...
She was also a woman, a wife, a sister and daughter
Just like me and you...
Is there a lesson from her life here?
That's what I am after..."

Palace of Illusions was a book that left me not wanting to pick up anything after that for a long time. It leaves one wanting for more of the same genre. I guess most of these books do that to me- I felt the same after the Pregnant King and after reading Prem Panicker's online Bhimsen.
Probably it is my love for the epic Mahabharata and the way each action seems to be connected to something that has already happened or something that is about to happen.
While one may feel sorry for Shantanu's sons who were drowned after birth and the departure of Ganga from his life, one cannot feel too sorry as it was anyway preordained in their previous birth.
One wonders how come Krishna permitted Draupadi's marriage to 5 men- but then that again was preordained by Vyasa- whether you attribute it to that or the fact that it was Kuntis strategy to keep the brothers united or Krishna's grand Plan anyway.

I like the way the author has interpreted the character & their dynamics in her own way, just as Prem Panicker has done in his version.

While I always labeled Karna as "Kaurav camp" all through my interaction with the epic, it's only now that I feel a tinge of sympathy for him- what a poor unlucky sod to be always at the wrong side of destiny- predestined to die, to forget all his learnings, despised by all and labelled .... (so much so that Ekta Kapoor named all illegitimate characters as Karan in her serials- I digress by the way)

Kunti's single minded focus to make her son King is worth an admirable thought.

I like the sneak peek we get into her life as a woman going on about her duties - something which is largely missing in the epic but just alluded during the rice grain episode - her struggles with her MIL and her strategies to gain control of her home. (Jodha cooks for Akbar in Jodha Akbar to just do that?- Sorry Digression)

I like the way my own appreciation of the epic has changed from what I saw as a teleserial or read in Amar Chitra Katha to what I read now.
For the first time I understand that Bheeshma is just a regent bound to the throne (and offcourse bound by pre ordained destiny- how can one forget that), irrespective of his affection for the Pandavas. Or that Karna is honour bound to Duryodhana.

Life must have been tough in those times!

I like what Vyas tells Panchaali ( I prefer calling her that too....)
- hold back your question
-hold back your laughter
-hold back your anger/ desire for revenge
If only we could imbibe that!!

I happened to read this reader's guide and wondered whether I have really read the book. So many thoughts that never occurred to me. Some of these I can't answer. I attempt to answer some that were most relevant to me.

2. How does the prediction that Panchaali will change the course of history influence her character as she matures? Were there predictions made by family or friends early in your life about your future? If so, how did they affect your choices as you grew up?
Horoscopes, astrologers- they never say a good word about me... they never do, do they? But their words do bring me back to the ground and make me more careful of how I react and what I allow myself to do.
Btw, one roadside palmreader did say I will have 5 children!!! (that's why we don't want to try for a girl- those who asked- going by historical data, we do not want triplets considering I am already en route mid thirties- digression ok)
3. When Sikhandi tells Panchaali the story of his past, Panchaali asks Krishna to confirm it. Krishna responds, “He believes it to be so. Isn’t that what truth is? The force of a person’s believing seeps into those around him–into the very earth and air and water–until there’s nothing else.”
Very relevant, someone recently said not to underestimate the power of will - if you want something, you have to want is so bad that it comes to you.
5. Panchaali relates, “Palaces have always fascinated me, even a gloom-filled structure like my father’s that was a fitting carapace for his vengeful obsession. For isn’t that what our homes are ultimately, our fantasies made corporeal, our secret selves exposed?” In what ways does your own home reflect your secret self? If Maya were to build you a palace, what would it be like?
I love this question- space- lots of space, large, grandiose, filled with sunshine and flowers, greenery, multi level
6. After Sisupal’s death, Duryodhan builds himself a grand palace and invites Panchaali and the Pandavas to be his guests in Hastinapur. What mental characteristics cause Yudhisthir to lose everything in a last game of dice? How is this catastrophe a personal turning point for Panchaali? When she is taken to court, what does she learn about her power over her husbands? About the purity of her own heart?
You are out there alone dude...
7. During their banishment in the forest, Dhri gently chastises Panchaali, asking her where his sweet sister has gone. She thinks to herself, “She’s dead. Half of her died the day when everyone she had loved and counted on to save her sat without protest and watched her being shamed. The other half perished with her beloved home. But never fear. The woman who has taken her place will gouge a deeper mark into history than that naïve girl ever imagined.” What emotion does this passage evoke in you toward the characters and their fates? Have events in your own life caused you to be stronger and more determined in achieving your life’s purposes?
When one looks back- what we were and what we have become- isn't it circumstances, the travails of life and living. One builds new relationships, weeds out irrelevant ones..goes places one would have never seen oneself do, takes up challenges, faces situations...one does toughen up
13. When Karna learns he is Kunti’s son, how does he relate this new knowledge to his fate? What has the “shame of illegitimacy” produced in his life? What does Kunti’s having abandoned her son tell you about the relations of mortals to gods in this tale? Have you ever learned a secret about your family history that has had a profound effect on how you viewed yourself?
I have not really faced something like this but given something happends, I would still view them or that individual in the light of what they were to me - I am biased that way- and maximum tell myself that even Gods have clay feet. And my advice to myself has always been- maintain a comfortable closeness and distance so that you do not get disillusioned or disappointed eventually.

17. As Panchaali goes with her husbands to the base of the Himalayas, to the path of great departure, how do her thoughts and experiences confirm her destiny? What discovery does she make about love? As Krishna guides her through death, how does she remember her life?
One does remember the best parts - heartening to know. But don't we all forget the short lived woes and troubles ones they pass? I think we are designed well that way!

Introspection

So one night we were introspecting...
First Mamma...
What are the ways Mamma has beena bad girl today?
1. Tum car throw kiya (you threw the toy car)
2. Tum car tooti kiya (The car broke) I thought that was just 1 bad activity- they cleverly split it into 2
3. Tum shoutie kiya (You shouted at us)
4. Tum aise maara (You slapped like this - demo on cheeks)
5. Tum pair mein maara (you struck on the legs
6. Tum Ojas ko maara (You hit Ojas)
7. Tum Tejas ko Maara (You hit Tejas)
Dudes...You are splitting one act into too many..Let's combine 4,5 & 6 atleast
8. Tum Godi nahin liya (you did not lift us)- Well all the above were because of something you had done.
9. Tum car keys nahin diya (you did not give me the car keys) - well, why should I?

Ok Now Ojas
1. Hit Tejas with a car
2. Threw a tantrum
3. Disturbed Mamma while she was making Rotis

Now Tejas
1. Closed the door on Ojas' face
2. Did not allow Ojas to come inside the room
Ha, take that, You are not the only one who can split one act into two.
3. Threw a tantrum
4. Did not brush his teeth today

And now the various ways we were good boys & gal.
Mamma....
1. Made roti & yummy bhujiya for you (if you say so)
2. Read story for you (actually read out a story and all the while compared the protagonist with us)
3. Allowed you to make tiny rotis (as if you had a choice, remember how many times you shouted at us)

Tejas...
1. Ate roti & bhujiya like a good boy
2. Did colouring nicely
3. Made cute rotis
4. Ate food nicely in the morning
5. Kept the crayons back in the box
6. did not play with the oil today

Ojas...
1. Ate roti & bhujiya like a good boy
2. Did colouring nicely
3. Made cute rotis
4. Ate food nicely in the morning
5. Brushed his teeth well
6. Kept the crayons back in the box
7. Did not mess up the oil container today

Now whose list looks better? Who looks more bad boy/gal for the day?
Go judge for yourself

Counting my Blessing 2008

No, it can't be. This year definitely went by faster than the others before. Even though this year had an extra day.
And I say...as Ojas & Tejas say so often...
Thank You God...
-for the days we spend together as one family, even though they are very few in number...
-for the lovely school the kids go and enjoy...
-for the few blissfull, carefree, jobless holidays we take, even though it is just Pondicherry we go...
-for the wheels we drive, even though the petrol costs are going skyhigh...
-for the prawns that came swimming in, even though the ones that were ours fled the farm...
-for having help at home, even though daggers are drawn most often...
-for having my people at home once in a while, even though I crib for more Hindi speaking people around me in Chennai...
-for the business, even though I crib that the Hubby spends more time there than here...
-for the clothes that I have bought inspite of cost cutting drive...yes yes I am very shallow...
-for the fact that my TV addict hubby is painting our house even as I draft this post...and therefore we can experiment with bold and new colours...as now I have a painter on hand who can repaint it if the results are not appealing...(watch out for our modern art, free style foyer coming soon)
-for the kids excelling academically, even though they did a laugh-worthy show on sports day...
-for my reawakening of gardening self...which means my knees go weak at the mere sight of flowers or plants
-for the blogger meets and the lunches with friends
-for Barbeceu nation, Kabab factory, Promenade, GRT, Residency...and for the friend who introduced me to the first one!
-for a certain Continuous Talking Team that made up for lack of conversation opportunities
-for the long phone calls with friends and relatives and mom...and a few business trips to Delhi, even though I have managed to miss many parties over the year
-for blogging off course that gives a free reign to my thoughts

Here's a virtual toast to 2009 as it arrives!! Welcome!

I Have Invested Well

Howmuchever I quarrel with you, no matter how many times I argue with you when you choose work over me or kids, to whatever extent I hate it when you stay glued to the laptop or your phone, in my heart I know that I have invested well by marrying you- I would rather have a husband using his mental facilities and capabilities in doing the business you are doing rather than wasting time on a low challenging, mundane and safe job. (This is more a self realization and a pat on my back than a compliment to you so don't get too thrilled by the way Mr Husband).

Remember the Daawat Chicken Shop I posted about? I am proud that I can see potential where it is present. They have opened a restaurant at Gandhi Nagar 1st Main road- Nuts n Spice Basement and the prices are pretty ok. They deliver too 42019808, 42337860. Again, I don't know how the food is but if aroma has anything to do with indicating the taste of the food- I am hoping and betting that it will be good. So now I do not have to suffer the ignominy of desperately buying aromatic, drool evoking chicken by the road side.

And why talk of Hubby & Food in the same vein-Well - these are a few of my favourite things.

Memory Recall

The hip and happening blogger Phoenix Ritu who incidentally shares my pet name tagged me to bring on the memories.
So here goes
My oldest memory
is of a 3.5 year old lone me walking around in the school playground during recess eating a guava out of the tree at my home and hiding it behind my back after every bite. I was shy and thought people will make fun of me eating a guava at lunch- that too not sliced but whole. And I bore the entire ordeal bravely until I tackled the 2 guavas my Mom had packed in my tiffin box.

Ten years ago
Exactly on this date? A group of classmates had dinner in celebration of a meet well organised in MBA School- And why do I remember this- of course because then-not-my-hubby was in the same group! And he had dropped me off to my hostel on his bike! But generally, we were chilling out in MBA 2nd year, having fun, classes, exams, spats because the competition over placements had begun, bossing over getting friendly with juniors...Life was good yet there was this constant worry of placement in the backdrop.

My first thought this morning
Get up, the kids have to go to school

If you built a time capsule what would it contain
All the good times I have had and all the good people I have had in my life

This year
Has been eventful with many milestones met- the kids have joined school, our business has completed a year, and more than anything I have matured as a person in many ways I would have never thought of. I have made new friends via the blog and re started reading books with a vengeance - in true bookworm fashion

14 years from now
I fully intend to grow old in style, be a hip mamma of teenagers who would be surely tearing my hair out, and perhaps retired early and doing my own things. I definitely see myself working but not in regular work force. 'Touche'

In my unique manner, I tag all the November borns who visit this page this November '08

tag

I have been tagged by Phoenix Ritu &
Mamma Mia me a Mamma
The rules for the tag are:
RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
I would throw a fit
2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
A palatial bunglow in the heart of the city, a world trip.. I could go on and on
3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?
I can't say it aloud here
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Invest, travel, property, give some to the husband for his business
5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I did with on of the "best" friends.
6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both
7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Passed that stage
8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
No choice in this matter right?
9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Literacy
10. Do you lie?
Of course!
11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Probably I will still be married to Chennai- boo hoo hoo
12. What’s your fear?
Don't want to tell and attract evil eye
13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Bindaas!!!
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Single and rich of course! If married and rich is not an option. Let's say Single, rich and having a torrid affair!
15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
The one who will respond!! Well, I will think long term, the one who is more stable, the one who reciprocates my feelings and the one who is taller!
16. Would you give all in a relationship?
No not everything, but definitely what is neccesary
17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Forgive yes, but not forget. Will keep my guards up for future trouble always.
18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
In a relationship ( see 14 above)
19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Selecting only one is like blasphemy for a music lover like me.
20. I TAG ...
JLT
Andy
Gauri
Sue
How do we Know
Monika Ansh
Mama Mia

Just A Reminder to Self

1. Remember the times when you give that tight slap to your kids and the next moment they forgive you.
2. Remember the number of times you leave them at home pining for you and the eager, reproach-less smiles they give you when you come back.
3. Remember the times you wanted to have a time out / me time and wished that everyone were out of your hair for a while.
4. Remember that you believed some conversation were meant for some ears only and not for the kids.
5. Remember the kiddie birthday parties you grudgingly went to.

Remember all that when they grow up and say a hurtful word or wish to go out with friends or wish to have some information private to them and not for your consumption or want to be left alone!

Remember that if you don't understand them, nobody else will.

Remember if you cannot make space and adjustments for them, nobody else will be willing to do the same.

Remember to not make them feel guilty for enjoying their life, their hobbies and pursuits, wanting to have their own set of friends and not wanting to go with you for the "boring" parties.

Factual Fiction Marries Tiny Thoughts- Guilt

This weekend, she walked out of the house with her husband, the guilt enveloping her yet again.
Saying she is going to the doctor for an injection.
Gosh. She thinks. The kids are going to grow up with the memory of "our Mom used to be sick very often when we were younger"
In self-justification she counts the total number of hours she spent with them today barring the 3 hours she spent in the kitchen shooing them off after giving impromptu hugs and kisses on demand.
How quickly feed-on-demand has changed to lift-on-demand, she reflects.
'Tomorrow I am going to come back home early from office to make up for taking off without them this weekend." She vows yet again, as she has done many times in the past...
-Everytime when she saw them howling, standing at the window whenever she left home for work.
-When she went off with her husband for a movie during her anniversary
-When she stayed a day extra in Delhi to simply shop when she went on tour
-When she went for another late night party
Each day she vowed to come back home early or on time and got delayed by traffic or some email or phone call.
Every weekend she would think that she would wake up early and finish the cooking so that she would be able to give exclusive time to the kids after they wake up.
The guilt trips never end, do they?

Rock On...

I can say the movie rocks, the guys were hot, uber kewl, the music or rather the frenzy or the idea of being in a "rock show" had me tapping my foot and swaying my shoulders and urging me to take the next step- get up and dance.
But no, it is not about the movie. It is about what I could identify with. A slice of my life, your life, our lives that I could see. A pattern I am getting resigned to.
Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Both get married. Then get on with the business of living.
Is that all to it?
We postpone our simple pleasures because we are working for the future. We get bigger and more successful and at one point of time, it ceases to matter to us when we get that big raise or promotion, or sign that huge contract...What scares me is that nobody wants to slow down. Everyone believes that if they stop for a moment or take a break, the organisation will fail in achieving targets.
We come home and are glued to our laptops or phones and hardly talk. Because there is only so much one can pack in a day. And so we prioritise. Pick up the seemingly non negotiable ones and move on.
Changing tracks, it is essential to have that something that gives you a rush of adrenalin, a goal to work towards, and the satisfied feeling that a hard day at work gives.
But aren't we in this process losing out on the fun? How many of us have a book or an idea or a rockstar within us waiting to flutter out?
How many of us are following our true calling? How many of us have yet discovered their true calling? Are we afraid to look for it? For fear of the unconventional?
We study buyer behaviour, we do consumer studies, spend loads of money in try to solve the conundrum of which product will hit it right with the consumers, but cannot invest our time and emotions in understanding our kids, spouses, family. On understanding what will make them happy, given the choice of a few moments of our time and a toy.
I cannot decide what to feel after the movie- elated, boisterous or sad.
I don't want anything extraordinary.
I want a plain and simple mehfil in the weekend evenings. Music, food, laughter, gossip and the quintessential gana- bajana.
Well, the closest to jamming of what I would have done were the impromptu antaksharis played during recess or back home from school or during wedding gatherings. We used to have dancing and singing sessions in our hostel - not restricted to just weekends. Ah the feel good factor!
Believe me dancing, singing and having fun is not just about age. It is attitude. In my previous company we were a gang who were just looking for an excuse to dance. We had coordinated dance moves- a signal, a shout or a word and the entire gang would be matching steps much to everyone's surprise. Sigh! it was fun. If nothing else, we lost a lot of calories doing. I miss that so much. I just want to dance. Wish we had a roudy, boisterous crowd to cheer and clap during the movie.
And wish my kids did not have to do 2 rounds of potty, 3 round of popcorn, potato chips, biscuits, and many rounds of water during the movie.
And yes that was a milestone I mentioned- being able to shit in a public toilet instead of asking- "Mamma, where's baby potty"- Tejas demanded his potty even before the intermission. They believe that while they can use the adult potty at home, it has to be the child seat anywhere other than their home.

The 40-Point Plan

Agar kissi cheez ko dil se chaho to saari kayanath tumhe usse milane ki koshish me lag jaati hai....
So I need to just commit on my blog on the 40 Things I simply have to do before I turn 40 and the wishes of my blog friends will ensure that I achieve them all, well most of them...
(This tag was doing the rounds in the form of 30 before 30 but since I had already crossed 30 by then, I didn't have to do it. And I was not really thinking in terms of the next decade. But then since I have ignored all what I wanted to achieve the last 2 years, I am putting them on paper typing them on this post so that I have promising them on my blog.
"pssst- scouted around for lots of such lists to get fantastic ideas..."
1. Lose excess kilos- I know it is not a SMART goal but then we don't want to announce our weight in public right!
2. Travel - atleast 1 country in each continent, Europe
3. Try my hand at entrepreneurship- culminating the ideas I have in mind like .....*****censored****
4. Write a book/ story/ publish something atleast and make money out of it
5. Drive something other than a small car, like, err, a bigger car
6. Become an ace interior decorator for my home and change it's look from its current state of storm ravaged wasteland homely look and get the garden shipshape
7. Teach/atleast do guest lectures
8. Take a sabbatical
9. Highlight/ Streak my hair
10. Take a holiday with my husband (yes, it is a rarity for me- only 1 so far and I am in the 5th year of my marriage) (sob)
11. Become an expert cook rather than a random, tentative, no frills cook- develop a fairly extensive repertoire of recipes and menu items (again goal not SMART enough because I really don't know how many I can do but I will know when I am fairly equipped to cross out this item from my list)
12. Experiment with different cuisines and continue to make them on a regular basis rather than one off kinds
13. Visit my birth place (Scotland)
14. Start celebrating festivals the way it has to be done setting a good example to the kids
15. Buy jewelry for myself (on a regular basis instead of just doing gold coins)
16. Start wearing sari on a regular basis to work
17. Go to theatre/ concert (never done it) (shame)
18. Learn Western dance
19. Re start music lessons (?)
20. Have our own house rather than a poky flat
21. Change my furniture
22. Institute 5-S in my home - already started the Seiri (Sort & Throw)
23. Go to atleast 1 or 2 non English speaking country after learning the (basic/ functional) language
24. Go in a helicopter
25. Learn to Control my Temper
26. Job related ******censored******
27. See the Himalayas
28. Go for a couple massage with Hubby off course
29. Send my parents abroad
30. See the Taj with Hubby & Kids
31. Travel in Palace on Wheels
32. Learn to bake 5 - 10 varieties of cakes
33. Learn 5 different chicken recipes and make them on a regular basis
34. Restart playing kalaeidoscope
35. Do combined puzzles with the kids (as soon as they are old enough- incl crossword, jumble, kalaiedoscope, jigsaw)
36. Start playing Monopoly & Scrabble with the kids also Carrom (though I am lousy at it)
37. Read more authors than the usual (already started)
38. Visit all the Indian States esp North East, and North- done with Bihar, UP, MP, Rajasthan, Maharashtra, Kerala, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Haryana, Gujarat, Orissa, West Bengal, Andhra, Goa...a loooong way to go but kya kare bad luck hi kharab hai
digression- I always though I would be taking annual dream holidays post marriage but that has never happened!
39. Get a makeover done and do it regularly- basically be an aunty "maal" - learn how to do a proper make up - get funky glasses, multiple ear rings, no made up look, hair style, eye shadows, eye liners, the works added to my just lipstick look.
40. Turn 40 in style

Talking to My Teenage Self

If I had a chance to meet my teenage self Since I cannot really meet my teenage self (as in Harry Potter) and give her a lecture talk to her, I am blogging about it here.

- Don't struggle so hard on Biology or Geography. It really doesn't matter if you are not good at it. Don't sweat on the drawings- ICSE board will not make your draw diagrams or maps- they only make you label them. You have all the time to learn biology yet be clueless about the most basic stuff and bodily functions! You will realize in due course of time that your geographical knowledge is better than many people out there.
- Studying MSc Maths will not make you an Engineer.
-You will realize that you really don't want to be an engineer after all.
-You needn't worry whether you would be able to cook and run a house in future- you will.
-You cannot measure your worth in terms of the number of friends you have or whether you have a best friend. It is alright or rather the best to have many good friends with whom you can pick up from where you left anyday anytime many years into the future. And you will realize that these friends will not be current set of friends with whom you love to spend all your free time but you will find them towards the end of your teen years and into your twenties. More importantly you will have a group of like-minded friends bucking you up, cheering you and knocking sense in your head as you reach my age.
-Just because you don't top your class, doesn't mean you will not do well in your career. So stop feeling that you are unworthy and stop comparing yourself with the toppers (we hate them).
-Sometimes, just sometimes, stand up for yourself. Assert yourself. It is not necessary to please everybody
-Don't think you are fat now. There is much more to come. So cut that fatty snacks out of your life right now.
-Join a music class. You will forever regret not doing it.
-And you are definitely missing out a lot of fun not reading M&B's.
-So you judge people who have lover boyfriend, or laugh at couples necking in the parks in Mumbai or cringe at the thought of wearing sleeveless - as you cross your teens, you will do boyfriend, will feel sorry for those couples who cannot find a place to cozy up and strongly feel that there should be a proper lover's park and buy only sleeveless to save nearly 100 bucks on the cost of a sleeveless vs sleeved kurta! *Smirk*
Tag courtsey

And on that note- Happy Birthday Hubby

Taking Pleasures for Granted

Last Sunday I noticed a family of 5 on a bike- 3 kids & 2 adults. I responded with my usual reaction- how foolish. Why take such a risk.
Why actually?
1. They do not have the money for public transport & they would rather risk their lives and take their own transport.
2. Hassles of Mass transport system- overcrowded, cannot get a seat, alighting points not convenient.
3. They just do not imagine it is so risky - rather the adage- tragedy happens to others.
4. Saving that extra rupee- if everytime the family needs to go out, and they take a public transport- it is a huge drain on their finances.

Overloaded buses, almost tilted to one side due to the more than extra weight on the door side is a common sight. Mostly during college/ school hours or office time. In their desperate attempt to save every extra rupee and every little minute to reach their destination on time, they risk their lives everyday by travelling on the footboard and beyond.
I have a big one with these helmet wearers also. They only believe that the rider needs this protection and not the pillion rider. As it is I find bikes unsafe because staying on seat depends on your hands- the moment your hands leave the handlebar- you have a close to 100% risk of falling off.

Made me think how we take life's little pleasures for granted. Today I cannot imagine a life without a car or rather more than a single car per family. It is not my right to judge the above set of people because there was a day when I was travelling these crowded buses & vans & share autos so that I could reach office on time. So that I could save a 100 bucks of auto fare.

There was a time when I did not mind eating a quick breakfast a the cheap hotels. Today, even a Sangeeta hotel is not too good for me because the last time I went there, I found a hair on the table. Considering that I was pregnant at that time, it is excusable that I found it revolting and vowed never to eat there again.
I solemnly promise, I will never take that coffee day cake, sandwich & frappe for granted. Atleast for the bomb they charge they are giving me a clean place to relax.

I have lived in a place where there is frequent loadshedding expecially during the day to divert the power to the factories. We have lived through power cuts during summer taking our chairs outside in the garden or the terrace and enjoying a moonlight chat / antakshari and a lovely breeze if lucky. We studied by candlelight and slept with the little breeze that came in via the window or used a hand fan.
Today even a few seconds of power cut is enough to make us grumble and start calling the Electricity Board for quick service. I have spend 3 hours straight one night just fanning my sons through the power cut because I knew if they wake up, the troubles are multifold. So it is easier to fan them while they sleep.
Makes me appreciate the joy of air conditioning & continuous supply of electricity in offices.

Same with water- every drop is precious to me also because only here I have experienced 24 hour water supply. Water was rationed to one or sometimes 2 supplies during the day in our town. That is why I scream everytime I see a leaking tap or find that the maid has opened the tap in nearly full blast. It is so precious that I am scared to enjoy it.

Infrastructure, convenience, hygiene factors- one can never be satisfied- the bar moves everytime we feel we have reached it. But that is also in a way a name for progress!
The point of this post is to appreciate these little pleasures thrown my way- a clean toilet, greenery, on time delivery of mail/ on-time landing of flight, safety, security in my apartment complex, long distance calls on the mobile...

Circle of Bonding

I have often argued that it is mandatory to have a sibling. Because after your parents, the sibling is your only close family - someone who has shared your childhood, your room, your parents and your clothes. Someone who knows you almost as well as you know yourself. When I see Ojas & Tejas rolling on the bed laughing together, play acting, quarreling, protecting each other, I can see the wisdom of having siblings. And more than just siblings, I am probably coming to terms with having two male children. My theory about men and women bonding with their own gender better.
Lot of people say that I have enough cousins to share my childhood with. I argue again. For your child your cousins' children are further removed from the family. Even your sibling's children are first cousins. And no longer in today's context they will share their childhood. The bonding is stronger with own sibling anyday! So are you ensuring that you are securing your child's future interms of having a companion in the form of a sibling after you?
What would I have done if I did not have siblings whom I can call up anytime and ask to baby sit so that I could go to the gym or the parlour or the movie? Who is my fall-back in times of great emotional need? Whom do I pick up the phone and call when I want to gossip or share the latest?
We siblings lived together in chennai- both sisters working and brother studying. There were times when we fought, argued, did not speak for a few days and then were back to normal. Just like how I do that with my husband now.
I feel heartened everytime I see my or K's sibling(s) spend time with the kids, treat them as their own and indulge them royally. I sometimes wonder what is it that they enjoy about spending time with someone else's kids? What prompts them to take them for a quick drive or enjoy playing with them? I don't know whether I would live up to the standards they have set in enjoying my children. Or maybe I would know when I see them! The call of blood will perhaps come into play.
My another deepest wish is to have a close circle of friends with whom I can bond emotionally and socially. It is a little inexplicible but i mean the kind who fall in the category of "best friend in school"- one can have many friends but only a few will make a gang or a circle- who will eat lunch together, play togther during recess, may be live in and out of each other's house and freak out together. And among the lot, maybe one can have one or two- best friends.
These category of friends would be someone whom I will not hesitate to call in times of greatest need. Families with whom we could spend the weekend/ go for a trip/ or have a simple weekend or anytime dinner.
Someone who will not mind babysitting my kids or would not think twice before letting their kids have a pajama party in my house. Where formality would not be allowed or expected.
Someone who will not mind holding my kid's hand while I shop in peace. Someone with whom I will not quarrel to pay the bill or my share of dinner in a hotel, or would be equally comfortable doing frequent dutch meals. We could together rant away to glory and not be judged but supported and also neither would the subject(s) of the rant be judged. They are the sort of friends whom you will call up and inform the important, unimportant, exciting and random events of your life- because each of you would understand exactly why the event is interesting to you. My friend AD called me up to tell me that she got her copies of Jeffery Archer books signed by the author himself, after standing in a long queue. She called me exactly for this reason because she simply had to share that elation she felt after shaking hands with the author incarnate.
I have seen friends who routinely take my kids out for a drive or indulge them with their favourite snack - when one does it once or twice it could be ajudged as just a formality- but doing it regularly does mean something.
All of us need family friends like these where both spouses can connect else it becomes difficult to continue the friendship.
On this note I count my blessings that there are a lot of kind souls out there who genuinely take interest in my kids.

Working Life Status Quo or Change? Questioning Self

Yesterday I entered into the 10th year of my working life.
Life in the city began 9 years ago when I walked into my ex-office, all apprehensive, eager and raring to go.
I was a mere trainee but none the less in terms of attitude, expectations and opinion.
I wanted to learn as much as possible, spent hours dogging the experienced ones, learning, soaking, absorbing every new thing that came my way. For in the business of fragrances, no great MBA degree would help. It all depended ultimately on your smelling, relating and recalling skills. It was all a game of aptitude, attitude and creativity rather than plain degrees.
It meant you have to remember details, correlate experiences and above all be extremely curious. It meant smelling a new perfume or a chemical and searching the depths of your memory and extracting the most relevant one so that you could learn, commit to memory and classify this new perfume that you have experienced. It meant picking up this new perfume out of your memory or physical records and submitting at the time of a new project. It required constant oiling of wheels and practice unfolding each dimension of the fragrance in our mind's eyes.
I am a kind of person who gets comfortable with status quo and thrfore I thought fragrances will remain my first & last love and I would end up staying in the fragrance industry if not the same company. But after 7 plus years, I changed. Not just the company but also the category- I moved from fragrance to flavour and it has taken more than a year for me to realize that I am enjoying working in flavours as much if not more than fragrances in terms of the creative width it gives me. There is always a new project to work on and new concept to generate or new ideas to think of.
And here comes the conflict-I am enjoying it here & am comfortable but do I want to spend a lifetime doing just this? Nothing new to do/ explore/ try out? Do I want to spend my entire life working for someone else and dreaming of flexi time and other convenient arrangements? After all we work to get easy access to pleasure and then we cannot take time off from work to splurge the money on a holiday or pleasure. We look to work hard now and enjoy later. But how soon is later? Is it anytime now or when we get old and tired and are nearing retirement.

In the last 9 years, I have hated, loved and become comfortable in Chennai city. I have reached a plateaue in terms of expectations and amazement for the city that has modernised right before my eyes. The IT parks never fail to fascinate me and those are the times when I wish that I should have taken IT as a career or atleast have an office in such a location. There was a time when Spencer mall was the hangout in Chennai and today we are lagging behind malls of Gurgaon / Bangalore etc.
At this juncture, I am facing a conflict of sorts- do I want to end up living my entire working life in this one city itself? When I retire from working life, will I regret not taking a chance? Will hubby agree? He seems to be pretty much wedded to Chennai.

I got married, bought an apartment (on EMI) in a prime location, got pregnant, had 2 lovely kids to show off, and now they are going to start school next month. On the face of it, what more could one want? A bigger house (with EMI paid up), better location, more facilities...it doesn't end anytime.
I managed to hold on to my job through this despite conflicting emotions of not giving enough time and attention to the kids.
Now what? Is in't it a little late in the day for hoping to explore more cities for living? After so much of time and investment in identifying the correct school here? After Hubby started his business here?
What is my net worth today- few close friends, family, rare personal phone calls, hardly a place where I could land unanounced and still get invited to stay for dinner, a handful of people who would care enough to take my child to the toilet if needed or pay for my food without making me feel obliged to pay back or return the favour. Can my children call any house here as the one where they almost lived in their childhood apart from their own home? The sort of homes where you are always in & out of, you can do a pajama party & sleepovers- a little too soon for me to think about as they have not yet reached the age when they pick & choose their buddy?
Am I going to end up feeling sorry that I did nothing different from status quo all this while? Thinking I did not enjoy life at all? As I take each day as it comes, I am happy. But from a wholistic point of view, I am not sure the resume of my life will be full of variety.

Counting My Blessings 2007

Another year ends and here I am sitting in Hubby's office in Pondicherry, doing a self-introspection and resolution making for 2008

I take pride in...

1. Regularising my exercise routine- the best gift for myself has been my enrolment to the gym. Weight loss and getting into shape being the key goal. But I discovered that I enjoyed doing it and have extended my membership. I amazed myself by controlling the hunger pangs and snacking binges. I achieved my weight loss first target, gained back some of the lost kilos and want to start full swing after the holiday binging comes into control.
2. Driving- The new job forced me to drive my way to the workplace and I have it to thank for the confidence it gave me. I no longer rely on anyone to take me around but I am confident that I can manage the odd hospital visits, tailor trips or an outing with a friend on my own.
3. Reading with kids- this is something that has given me personal satisfaction. My kids can point out and name correctly all that I have taught them and I take full credit for channelising their knowledge by way of buying the right books and relentlessly taking them through it everyday, every moment. I have treated every occasion with them as a learning opportunity, be it while we are driving or watching TV or playing or shopping. I am proud that they have a thirst for books (fingers crossed) and hope the same continues
4. Blogging- I have continued with full ardour and I am glad I am able to churn out posts and crystallize thoughts. The blogger badges and getting featured in the Telegraph and Indian Bloggers list have added to my enthusiasm. I am particularly happy with the factual fiction series. I only wish I had the time to blog hop much more and leave behind my thoughts on all posts I read.
5. Secretary to the society- I continued the role, albeit with a little detachment due to kid management issues. I could have done better but I chose to resign from the post after my term was up. I had proven a point to myself and the society that if I could do it despite kids and work so could others. I hope I have inspired people to volunteer more for the building.
6. Travel- survived a week long trip and another 1-nighter and enjoyed the experience. Did miss the kids terribly though. Did the much awaited 15-day vacation with the kids. Also managed a few weekends at Pondicherry and visited the alma mater.
7. Shopping- My favourite activity got due justice. Multi-location shopping managed all for clothes mostly. Refreshed the kids and my wardrobe with a whole lot of new clothes. Picked up patterns, colours and styles that I used to never do before, thereby moving away from my stereotype. My Lajpat Nagar shopping dreams were finally realized after 8 years of trying and failing. Both cars- Swift and Honda City were brought home this year.
8. Reading- Fed on short story selections all year. My favourite this year has been none other than Harry Potter. After multiple re-reads, I am hoping that I have finally come to terms with the closure.
9. Homemaker- we are surviving hubby's absence during the weekdays because of the business and that to me is the biggest achievement. Seriously, it is not easy being the only person in charge.
10. Business- Hubby left his job and is full time into the business. My contribution towards it has been the website content management until the launch. I could have done a better job had I comprehended completely what I was doing.
11. Food- Did many lunches/ dinners with and without kids, with family or friends. I have realized that doing a meal without the kids is the best time to catch up with friends or spouse or family and so I plan to do it more often. I have realized that one can enjoy a social/ business meal too, given the right company.
12. Appearance- Finally had the courage to get a new hair style and I am pleased with the results.
13. We got Duggi as a gift and much has been said about that. He has taken residence in Pondicherry and is a much grown up dog now, dominating and scaring the kids. The tables have turned now.

I solemnly resolve that...

1. Ojas & Tejas- We will put them in school this Feb. We have selected a school that is to our taste in terms of facilities, environment, location. A place where kids will love to come back to. We are hoping to let them stay on till 12th Std. They have to learn to cycle and I need to take them out more often. They have discovered the joys of playing in the sand and I intend to make it possiblefor them to do more of that. The beach is one more destination I need to go more often. The first visit to the Auro beach at Pondy had Ojas screaming and curling his legs up (exactly how I did when I was of that age). The learning sessions to continue and Table manners/ Ps and Qs to be taught

2. Travel- I want to do atleast a couple of joy trips this year and a few weekends depending on the schedules.

3. Work- be more focussed rather than generic, do better than what I did this year. I need to reinvent and surpass myself. Need to get more involved in hubby's business even though I can't make head or tail of what he is doing computer/techno-blind spot

4. Entertainment- Did a marathon round of movies in December (DVDs only). I found I have enjoyed doing it. This needs to continue.

5. Parties- A poor show in 2007. Can't let that happen again

6. Wardrobe- Both mine and the kids- has to be up to date, more trips to orphanage with old stuff and toys/ shoes.

7. Home Management- poor show again this year. Completely in a mess. Need to put my act together for this.

8. To myself- More self discipline

The Legacy of My Blog

A year ago I was contemplating about updating the baby books for Ojas & Tejas. I religiously uploaded their pictures on Kodak Gallery and created monthly albums. Soon I came across blogging and with time my blog became a medium to update my family about the kids. It serves the purpose of recording every milestone or event or life stage connected with my kids and thereon I visualize it as a record book for not only my kids but also my family and the extended family. I have archived funny incidents to look up at posteriety and important events for the reference.
Well, why do this? Not only I but many in our blogging community will leave it as a gift for their kids... for the kids to understand the person we were at our hey days and the joys and otherwise of bringing them up. We wish to leave behind this legacy for our progeny and hope to live forever on the wide web of the internet. We immortalize each and every event connected to us, the kids, the family. We speak out our opinions and mature in front of all in our views, our style of writing and collective opinion. Our blog posts map our state of mind and the simple pleasures or vivid displeasures we have experienced.
In perspective, we are talking of gifting our kids their life story and the gift will be perhaps truly understood and appreciated some 20 years down the line. A long time, a long journey...
A person who gives a gift loves to see the look and anticipation in the eyes of the receiver and then the appreciation of it all. We are talking of a 2 decade wait to see and experience this simple pleasure of gifting.
That leaves me with another thought. Will I be able to continue full throttle with this gifting process until and much after the gift is handed over? Or will I leave gaps and unanswered questions? Will I lose steam mid way... we are talking of a lifelong commitment to blogging if we wish to leave behind a true record...Aren't we?

A Bloggers Motives

Why do I take the trouble to blog?
It is a cool (kewl?) thing to do
I am too lazy to maintain a baby book and I wish to record my kid’s activities and let them read it when they grow up
I am too lazy to write my diary
I am too lazy to write
Cathartic
Express myself to a wider audience of similar taste
Possibly network if opportunity presents
Can proclaim this as my hobby to the rest of the world- though I write under a nick name, all my relatives and associates know about my blog. In fact I urge them to visit and comment
A nice way to take a breather break.
Something to look forward to in an internet session
I always dreamt to publish a book and this is the closest I can do to it
To elicit other’s opinion
To have a voice in the web world

Why do I take the trouble to blog hop?
Forms good reading matter
I always love a good story
To expand my thinking space
To trigger ideas for my other posts
To get ammunition for my gossip sessions
For a good laugh – we bloggers do spike up the posts with humour
To take a break
Mom blogs- To see if others have similar experiences with their kids

Why do I take the trouble to comment?
To express my views/ substantiate/ give another perspective for the post
To contribute information if sought
A way of saying “hi” and marking my attendance to jack up the number of comments for the blogger – I know all of us love comments
So that the blogger comes to my blog, reads & comments- I love comments too
So that the bloggers on my blog roll/ my regular visitors are not offended that I do not visit them and take the trouble to comment

Why do I love comments?
Makes me feel good about myself
I feel good that the post has helped someone in some way
Lets me know approx how many people has seen my post - the stat counter vanished when I changed to new blogger
To get a different perspective to my post
Subliminal message- lurkers please de-lurk

What Lies Beneath

Me- Actual Self- dark brown lipstick, diamond earrings, gold chain with locket, pair of plain bangles/ either of the 4 bracelets of various types, 4 finger rings, metal watch, same hair cut every visit – if it happens, nail polish if I have the time, change of sandals according to attire

Me- Aspiring Self- matching lipstick with the dress, touched up during the day or after every eating session, colourful eye shadows (take the gift pack out), a thin, single, silver anklet, atleast 2 piercings per ear and with a change of earring every day along with a matching neck piece/ wrist ornament, amulet of my choice- that fits on my arm, nose ring- which never ever suited me, change of watch every day, highlights/ colours in the hair, different haircut every visit, regular manicure & pedicure…

Boring, am I not, in my actual self?

And colourful are my aspirations, aren't they?