Baarah Tareekh ko Baarah Baje.....

He came home travelling the 3 hour distance in the night, timed to arrive at 12 am. He arrived at 11.45 pm. Sat on the doorsteps waiting for the clock (ahem watch, ahem mobile phone) to strike 12.
On the dot, he got up to ring the door bell.
The power...went off.

Not to be deflated, he rang the sleeping wife inside the house.
A groggy, mildly irritated (ahem, very irritated at the power cut) voice answered the call.
Happy Birthday To You......Open the door....
The knight in shining armour (shining because of the mobile phone light) came in armed with a huge chocolate truffle cake (Hot Breads if you need to know)!
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The sweetest thing he could have done in a not so long time (the last was when he vacuumed the home). Especially because we had discussed that he should not come home as he is busy with the client in Pondy and he would have to rush back in the morning. It was unexpected and very very sweet (now why was it sweet?- because the entire day had been a sweet overload- for those who will ask, I will post about it in a couple of days-for this post- suffice that I had eaten cakes the entire day). I cannot believe that barely 6 hours after eating that last chocolate cake, I would be back in full form hogging the cake as if there is no tomorrow. The kids were (un)ceremoniously woken up with threats of pulling the pajamas down, putting nosy on their mouth and going away ghummi in the car without them.
They woke with a ready (Tejas) & Not-so-ready (Ojas) smile and immediately began poking at the cake, on cue (from each other).
No correction- Ojas woke up and asked for his share of the candles on seeing the cake which Tejas had gleefully opened for him and which I was trying to close just in case Ojas decided to kick in his sleep and leave a footprint on the face of the cake.
The candles were duly lit (3 if u asked) and Tejas fretted for a while as his candle refused to burn as bright as the rest.
The cakes were cut by the kids - the husband had thoughtfully got 2 knifes and the knifes were duly licked.
And then portions of cake were demanded- like I want to eat H, I want to eat B or I want to eat the silver beads (when was the last time I had a birthday cake decorated with silver beads ?-when I was a little girl in school I think) - and what was left behind was a mass of poked and prodded mangled cake - but still it's cake.
So those who come in person to wish me, may get a share of the mangled cake.
Don't mind, just think of the love and affection & excitement with which it has been destroyed!-------------------------------------------
Thanks Darling- You just made my day!

Factual Fiction Marries Tiny Thoughts- Guilt

This weekend, she walked out of the house with her husband, the guilt enveloping her yet again.
Saying she is going to the doctor for an injection.
Gosh. She thinks. The kids are going to grow up with the memory of "our Mom used to be sick very often when we were younger"
In self-justification she counts the total number of hours she spent with them today barring the 3 hours she spent in the kitchen shooing them off after giving impromptu hugs and kisses on demand.
How quickly feed-on-demand has changed to lift-on-demand, she reflects.
'Tomorrow I am going to come back home early from office to make up for taking off without them this weekend." She vows yet again, as she has done many times in the past...
-Everytime when she saw them howling, standing at the window whenever she left home for work.
-When she went off with her husband for a movie during her anniversary
-When she stayed a day extra in Delhi to simply shop when she went on tour
-When she went for another late night party
Each day she vowed to come back home early or on time and got delayed by traffic or some email or phone call.
Every weekend she would think that she would wake up early and finish the cooking so that she would be able to give exclusive time to the kids after they wake up.
The guilt trips never end, do they?

Factual Fiction- Coincidence

She opened the packet of ashirwad Khaman Dhokla Mix. Surprise! 2 packets of Raising agent inside. Some unlucky consumer would buy a pack without the sachet I guess.
Let me save this sachet so that I can make my own dhokla batter.
A few days later...
She opened a packet of khaman dhokla mix.
"Well, I had to be the unlucky consumer"
Out came the reserve sachet so thoughtfully preserved.

Factual Fiction- Guavas

Early Morning-
Man- Sir, Shall I pluck some guavas from your tree.
D- go ahead, pluck some.
Mid Day-
D, near a bank- How much are these guavas?
Man- Rs 10/ kg (or some random figure)
D- Bl00dy, you plucked these guavas from my house this morning. Are these "some" guavas?

Factual Fiction err Fact- Aroma

Delighted, she buried her nose into her child's hair and inhaled deeply, over and over again- almost as if she was an addict.
It did not have the typical sweet, baby smell.
Nor did it smell like the J&J shampoo she used on him daily.
Ummmm...
Said she, as she inhaled yet again into the smoky, mouthwatering aroma of barbecue fare they had enjoyed a little while ago.

Factual Fiction- Restaurant Chair

The group stood waiting for the table to be cleaned.
She was busy doing quick calculations. If she takes the chair in the far corner, she might be isolated from the group and miss out the fun gossip. If she sits in the middle, the kids might sit one on each side and she would end up handling both kids - holding their juices in each hand and get to sip her drink only if she bent and drank from the straw without holding the glass.
If she takes this corner, someone might ask her to shift inside so that (s)h could occupy the corner seat.
So she waited for atleast one or two people to make their decisions and start sitting so that she could take the most appropriate seat.
Looks like she is going to lose the game again.
One couple sat next to each other. The hubby moved to the opposite side and one of the kids occupied the seat next to him.
Looks like she will have generations X & Generation Next for company yet again.
Before anybody could get settled, she blurted out to her husband-
Sit next to me, I might just get jealous of the other couple sitting together romantically.

Factual Fiction - Shop Lifter Gets Away with a Shopping Basket

Unintentionally off course!

Close to mid night at a mall in Serrangoon Singapore.

The lady finishes her shopping and carries the billed good(ie)s in the shopping basket.

She spots a cab crossing the entry of the mall and rushes out blindly and unthinking and gets inside the cab mentioning the hotel name all in a single breath. Cabs at that hour is difficult to find unless you stand for atleast 20 minutes or more or walk the street lugging all the heavy shopping with you or call for one which may again take another 20 minutes minimum. So lucky if one passes right in front of your nose and it will be a damn to miss it.

A few minutes pass and the lady screams- oops I have the store basket with me by mistake, let's go back to drop it.

The cab driver refuses to turn saying it is not worth getting back.

The lady is too ashamed to leave it behind in the hotel and wanted to avoid questions by the "foreign" hotel staff. All that filmy fear of doing anything illegal in a foreign land, passport getting conficated and the works.

She packs up the basket of goodies inside her spacious airbag specially brought to take back all the mindless shopping she does in any city she visits.

She comes back home and today the basket serves her well for storing toys and...

PS- Meanwhile, if the store owner is reading this, I am sorry it was unintentional and I am always ready to give it back if you want it, but I 'd rather not since it is coming of great use to us.

Factual Fiction- Hygiene

The group of Europeans and a solo Indian were arguing on whether wiping was more hygienic or washing. The Europeans claimed that wiping was better because it does not require one to get in direct contact with the shit.
Half an hour later.
Said the Indian- We are done with dinner, lets wipe the plates clean and put them away.
Exclaimed the Europeans- What? wipe them clean? We need to wash them clean.
Retorted the Indian- That's why we wash, not wipe.

Factual Fiction- Remote

Didi has (child) locked the TV and hidden the remote.
So that I don't watch the match during study hour.
It must be hidden among her clothes. She thinks it is the safest place as it is the messiest.
Ah there it is. She didn't think that I would go looking for it!
3 hours of bliss until she gets back.
Must be careful to leave it at the same channel that she had left before locking.

Factual Fiction- Copy Paste

Another presentation to make. Global Trends this time.
Copy Paste & Mix n Match from the set of presentations that came from Europe should do the trick.
What the F&%k. Internal presentation is locked. Cannot be copied or saved as another file. Cannot be edited. And the other one is a pdf file.
Fine. Print Screen Paste & Crop will do the trick. Makes my job much easier.
Lady or Gentleman, don't even bother to protect your work. Anything on the computer screen can be copied and reproduced.

Factual Fiction- Saviour

She squealed in fright and clutched at his shirt sleeves.

There is a large dog there.

Now he was expected to act brave and assure her that nothing would happen to her as long as he, her husband was there to protect her.

If only he was not shit scared of dogs too

Factual Fiction- Being the Visitor

Atleast this time I have my daughter's house to stay in the city. I don't have to take help from the relatives living here. And neither do I have to worry about conveyance and hope to hitch hike a ride from the relatives.
No need to be polite and proper and formal and inform them of our every move.
No need to try to make myself useful around the kitchen or pretend to want to take care of her kids.
No need to seek help when I need to go shopping. I don't have to rely upon complicated directions from others. I can blindly follow my daughter to where ever I want to go.
In fact, I can actually invite them for a dinner to return their favour of having me at their home last year.
If I have the time.

Factual Fiction- Host

I am going to be the perfect host when she comes. Inspite of the fact that she made me feel like an unwelcome guest.
I will make the best efforts for the meals. And not expect her to help in the kitchen. (She could dice the veggies and make tea though and make her famous gulabjamuns and help me make the pickles)
I will take her shopping to all the places I am sure she will love. (I will also do my pending shopping at the same time, I will have someone to guide me also while I select)
May be we could go sight seeing. (I have also never been to Mahabs before)
We will take her to the multiplex. (With so many of us, taking care of the kids will not be a problem)

Factual Fiction- Visitor

Oh no, she is coming to town this week. I am sure she will want to visit us and ask us to take her shopping. I will say I am busy. Last time she bored the hell out of me.

By the end of the week..
Wonder why she hasn't called. Let me call her and check if she wants to come over.
Hello, hi, you never called, what happened? Why don't you drop in tomorrow.
Was too busy, wanted to call you but misplaced your number. Am leaving tomorrow and your place is too far off. Will try and make it next time.

Opportunist. she never made the effort to come and meet me. Last time when she had no where to go, she stayed with me and this time she is making excuses. She could have spared some time to pay me a visit. Matlabi.

Factual Fiction- Movie

They bunked classes and went to watch a "matter movie".
They entered the darkened theater to avoid known faces if any. Groping their way in the semi darkness, they found a row to themselves and sank into the seats and looked around trying to get their eyes adjusted.
Oops! this looks like the cranky Maths teacher. Nudge, nudge, Is that him? Nudge, nudge, Anand, look if that is Angle sitting there?
Shit, yes, what should we do now.
Your problem, Subbs, you are on the aisle so he can see you, not any of us.
Lets walk out when the lights come on. Turn, turn, turn away, he is looking our side.
F&%k, he has seen me and not the others.
The lights are coming on, let's walk out quickly.
On a sudden inspiration, Subbu shouted loudly making sure Angle heard him as all of them started walking out in a single file - Anand, Balu, Rags, let's get a cool drink. Siddharth, Gokul, Rams, move fast yaar.

Factual Fiction- Argument

He was going to lose the argument. He had no points to counter the verbal charade. He had to think something fast.
Eeks, Stop. I can't take it anymore. Your mouth is stinking.

Factual Fiction- Kaleidoscope

The trio bent over the newly purchased kaleidoscope. They shrieked excitedly as they moved the pieces trying to solve the first challenge as quickly as possible.
"Sshh he (CEO) is coming"
The quickthinker AD quickly shoved the pieces haphazardously into her drawer and jabbed madly at the keyboard.
"What's going on?"
The quickthinker said "Just going over this article, Amway has launched a new perfume"

They will never learn. Just a day before they had barely escaped being caught playing Bookworm

Factual Fiction- Ragging

The ragging would continue for a month.
She left hostel for college with her long hair plaited into two braids, attired in salwar suit and neatly pinned up dupatta, her new pair of hawai chappals adorning her feet.
She walked for 15 minutes, stopped at a corner, furtively looked around and removed her high heeled sandals from her bag. Quickly she removed the chappals and stuffed them into her bag. She would reverse the process on her way back to the hostel.
2 braids were ok. Salwar suits for a month was ok. But bathroom slippers to college, and that too without the comfort of doing it in a group of newcomers, being the only girl in a class of 140?
Naah.

Factual Fiction- Truncated

The Office Buddhu/ Long Mail Sender- Do you know the meaning of truncated?
She- yes, cut short (knowing fully well why he was asking the question)

A week later- yes a full week later
The Office Buddhu/ Long Mail Sender- Have you heard of the word truncated.
She- Yes
The Office Buddhu/ Long Mail Sender- I am getting this message at the end of every mail- "this mail is truncated"
She- "High time you call the IS", setting the mail options to "retrieve full documents" instead of "retreive only summary & 40kb" and instructing how to download the truncated mails.

Factual Fiction- Alarm Clock

She was sick of her dormitory mate. She had enough of that girl setting her alarm clock at God forsaken hours of the morning. Enough of waking up at the monotonous incessant sound of alarm clock, enough of forcing herself of jabbing her sleeping dormitory mate to wake her up and then again waking up with the loud snores of that girl sleeping hunched over her medical entrance book, with the 200watt bulb glaring over her eyes.

The monotonous sound of the alarm clock woke her up. It's 2'o clock, cuckdoo koo.
She woke up quickly, jammed the alarm button down, switched off the overhead light (left on from the previous night) and for the first time in 3 months, slept peacefully for the entire night.