On Mommyhood

And Sue's post makes me say that in the end of it all, you realize that the baby was or in my case the babies were safest inside and best kept so. Once they are out, your heart lurches every time you hear a baby cry.

I once "bumped" into a pregnant lady in the mall and she was saying, it is so difficult to keep the baby safe inside the stomach. Once it is out one can protect it better.

And I couldn't stop myself from adding my two bit that the so called "it" is safest inside you.

For as a wise one said, having a baby is like having your heart walk around for your entire life, something to that extent.

It is true. It is not just your heart that is walking around but also playing various tricks inside your self.

Your heart comes into your mouth every time the children coming running into the house screaming Mamma. You wonder where they got hurt or who troubled them or imagine the worst possible situation.

And as Sue says beautifully that it is an intensely physical journey and she couldn't have said it better.

Every month I wondered at the tenacity of my body and the so called elasticity. Every month I would say to myself that I do not think I could manage if the babies got bigger and every month I would surpass my own expectations.

The walk got laboured, the cramps more painful and the getting up from the seat even more difficult. The walk to the bathroom was the most arduous journey especially since I never knew whether I would be able to even get up from the seat or reach the bathroom on time.

The sickness never abated. So there was always this worry that I need to be around a place where it would be easy to reach a place to throw up.

And of course, the wonders of all, my eye sight magically becaming near normal and skin issues vanished and right on the day after the delivery I noticed that the TV was hazy again.

The wonders!

Mommy Guilt

Women's Web invites us to participate in their Mommy Guilt Blogging Contest.
Truly said that guilt begins the moment you conceive. Any random reason can make you feel guilty.
Guilt could be induced by others-
The Haemoglobin count is low- Do you want ordinary kids or intelligent ones- eat fish, mutton....
What? you are eating mangoes? Not good for the babies

Guilt could be self induced-
I am unable to solve this puzzle/ crossword- I will have dumb kids

As Mamma of Twins, my biggest guilt was the nagging feeling that I am being unfair to one of them at any given point of time.
From small things like-
Do I feed Ojas the first spoon or Tejas when both are looking at me and the bowl
Or bigger things like-
Whom do I breast feed first when both are screaming their lungs off at the same time.

And even bigger was the guilt when I had to supplement with cow milk only because I was unable to cope with the marathon feeding - I felt I am being a bad mother by taking the easier way out by giving them top feed in 15 days time itself. My heart did not want to succumb but my mind was screaming- let go- they will be happier to get fed on time without screaming and waiting for the brother to finish the feed in peace. The best part of starting top feed was that I did not have to count the minutes and guiltily disengage after 8-10 minutes of feed would be up to feed the second one.

There are moments when a small action or a gesture or an expression triggers a surge of love for one of them - at that moment alongwith love emerges guilt- how could I be so unfair as to feel the love for only of them?

And then there are such moments when both are being naughty. I smack one and the other falls in line automatically so there is no real need to smack the other one, make him also cry and have double duty of making it up to both of them. The easier way is to take a mini guilt trip for smacking only one of them.

Trying to be impartial is also a difficult task especially when personal preferences come in between. For example- I personally like red or black color and let's say there is a red T shirt and a yellow t shirt- I find it hard to decide whom to give the red T-shirt just because it is my personal favourite.

How do we try to tackle this parental guilt thing?

Through repeat performance- like cuddle one and cuddle the other too in exact manner

Dadda takes nearly identical snaps with the kids

Through equal treatment atleast in their eyes- Colour of toy/ T shirt, quantity of food, leg piece of KFC chicken or larger piece of KFC chicken, Shall I hold Ojas' hand & should Dadda hold Tejas' hand or the other way round when we are outside- these important, earth moving decisions are left to the kids. More often than not it is easier that way because they have clear and distinct preferences. We resort to identical stuff only if they decide so.

Bob the Builder or Tigger T-shirt- they decide!

And by closing our ears- if any external advice does not match with our philosophy of child rearing- we just ignore it and say- we parents know best!

For the New Dads/ Dads in Waiting

While we are on the subject of advice, pregnancy, PPD and the works in some forum, I came upon an older post of mine in draft. I found it to be extremely angsty and therefore I had never published it. So I am giving the post a 360 degree makeover and turning it into an advisory list from a certified rant.
On a side note, this worries me- if I am making posts out of archived thoughts, am I running out of ideas? Does it mean I am not expanding my knowledge but converging towards past wisdom?
Anyway, I digress...
So this is for New Dads & Dads to be- I have taken up your cause before so now for some words of wisdom from women who have been through it before.

1. You (and everyone else) would have treated your pregnant wife like royalty and the moment the kid is born all attention will naturally gets directed to the kid. While this is normal, you as her husband and soulmate must, in no circumstance forget that she is your first priority. Otherwise you would undo all the good work done by you during the pregnancy. She might, in a fit of anger just turn back and accuse that you did it for your selfish interests- the child(ren).
2. Post pregnancy, whether CSec or normal delivery a mother is exhausted and requires a care taking equated to 6 months of illness.
Imagine getting up after hours of gruelling labour or waking up few hours post any surgery and going about the business of feeding/ cleaning/ comforting a newborn. Yes, a mother forgets all about her pains & well deserved rest and sets to look after the child right away. Can you even think of doing it?
So make it up to her. Offer a helping hand as often as possible. Be part of the process and proactive rather than a casual bystander helping whenever convenient.
3. Give her emotional support
Talk to her, spend time with her, especially if she is cooped in a room nursing the baby and the rest of the household is laughing, gossiping and joking away in the living room. Don't treat her as a baby making and nurturing machine. She is still a living, breathing, full blooded woman who is your wife first and then a mother. It doesn't hurt to ask her how was her day or what did you do the entire day in office, whom did you meet or update her with the latest.
4. Let her have her space- with herself, her thoughts etc.
people tend to crowd a new mother with their advice, presence and constant talk. Keep a watch and disengage such people when you feel it is becoming a "too much". She will be unable to blatantly tell people to push off because all of them are well meaning people who have come to bless the baby(ies).
5. Contribute to the home management
bunking maids, messy home, unwashed clothes, nappies, folding washed clothes, filling water bottles, other hygiene issues that the wife is expected to be done. Find alternative support or pitch in yourself. Remember she is on a full time job now unlike your part time office work
6. The new born(s) will wake up many times in the night.
Even if you have to go on work next day, you must work out a schedule where in you take turns to wak up and check the nappy before handing over to her for feeding. Imagine being rudely woken up everytime you try to sleep- this happens to her the entire day- morning & night.
6. Be by her side if anyone critisizes her
The baby does not always fall sick because of the mother's diet, bath schedule etc.
7. Make time for her. Insist that she gets a break
Take her for a romantic dinner, movie etc
8. A welcome home / thank you gift (for giving you the baby(ies) ) would be a nice touch.
9. She might yell and lose her cool for no reason with you or ILs or anybody else
Be her sounding board without quarreling/ arguing back (This comes from wise Sue in another forum)
10. Take off from work from time to time just for spending time with her and the baby(ies)
11. She may not cook anymore.
Don't throw a tantrum for that
12. There is something called Post Partum Depression
see 10, 9, 7,6,4,3 above
13. Make it a rule to not go out and socialize without her
it makes her feel all the more left out. She might encourage you to go alone but refuse vehemently saying you will not go without her!
14. With the multiple changes in her body, her self esteem may reach an alltime low
Give her mental/moral/emotional/physical boost
Do post your PPD memories on my comment space or send me the links for me to make our case stronger

Flashback- Hard To Believe

I just cannot believe that I used to eat...
1. 1 large bowl of vanilla icecream every morning, 1st thing when I am not usually fond of icecream
2. 1 orange- lemon ice candy (kwality walls) every time I visited food world/ beach- and I had never in my life had that ice lolly before
3. pani poori everytime we went to planet yumm
4. chutney instead of sambhar (when I actually hated coconut chutney with dosa)
5. Subway sandwich only - everytime we went to spencer mall
6. 1 or 2 egg scramble everyday when I am not usually very hot on eggs- I like them but am not addicted to them

I can't believe
1. I hunted the streets for dhokla a few days in a row and had to make do with nilgiri's dhokla which got wasted because I no longer wanted to eat them
2. I begged my hubby to get daal vada from the shop next to adyar bakery sardar patel road- and after that have been put off that shop for life.
3. I went to Sangeeta, Gandhi Nagar with great longing for dosa and I found a hair on the table and got so put off that I never went back to that shop

I can't believe
1. that I could not stand non veg for a duration of 3-4 months
2. that I was off junk food and my favourite Lays Sour cream and onion chips
3. I stopped cold coffee completely

...During the 37 weeks of my Pregnancy

Tiny Thoughts- Histrionics

I took a lot of care to ensure that I did not see any antagonising scene on TV or books or net when I was pregnant.
I did not read the Mahabharata.
I controlled my fits of anger and became sweet and nice and patient and uncomplaining.
I did not even quarrel with the husband.

Why would you understand all this?
Why wouldn't you remain glued to the TV when the woman on that all important programme is crying over another person who has hanged herself. Or when a woman is throwing a hysterical fit and screaming at such a decibel that even my children of 8 months are attracted towards the TV?
Why would you bother to lower the volume or change channels?

Boy or Girl

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"
Almost every parent-to-be has been confronted with this dirty question. The poor parent of today especially in India has no choice but to reply in politically correct terms- I have not given it a thought, anything would be ok or I have no problem as long as it is a healthy baby...
Then there are the ones who do serious guess work looking at the size and elevation of the stomach. Family members predict the gender based on the horoscope. Like my Mom was told that we girls were born because of her (bad) luck because my Dad had boys in his destiny. Notwithstanding the fact that the person who told her had more number of daughters than sons.
Like I got a reaction from unexpected quarters- kahin do ladkiyan na ho jaye ( Hopefully you don't have 2 girls). Since the reasons behind the statement were wrong, I did not like it at all.
Yet another person said that hope you don't have 2 boys because boys are unmanageable.
Then there was a guess work from someone who did not know that I was carrying twins- definitely boy - the tummy is so big!
Now what is this all about hoping and wishing on my and my husband's behalf? It is all upto us what we want and what we don't right? Why is someone else concerned. What if I had wanted 2 boys wouldn't I have cursed this lady to hell for wishing I didn't have 2 boys?
I don't know what people get with asking such questions. Do they really expect answers? They may be talking shop just for the sake of conversation but those comments made me fiercely protective of whatever child I was carrying. Why should my unborn child be inflicted with wishes of preferred gender?
Well, inspite of myself, I used to corner hubby with this question. Since we were expecting twins, we could dare to wish for the best of both worlds- a boy and a girl. Infact we did not want to give Destiny a chance of any other combination because on one go, our options were going to close, in our context.
But then I used to take a tougher stance with hubby. What if you have the option of either 2 boys or 2 girls only. My husband would answer 2 girls. Then I would remind him - what about cricket? Who will talk cricket with you then? He immediately answered- then 2 boys!

When I introspect, the very reason I want a girl is to have a life long companion for gossiping, girly talks, bitching, shopping expeditions, discussing the latest fashion, reading similar genres of books. To me, daughters are like soul mates to the mother. They will bear with you till your doddering end. I am literally scared that I will have nobody to turn to at that crucial juncture when I badly want to connect. Probably a man feels the same about wishing for a boy. A back-slapping buddy who will enjoy the same stuff, have man-to-man talk with him, and ultimately become a companion over boyish exploits. This need to connect with the same gender is primitive.
A neighbour used to say- I am very clear I want to have a boy. I don't want my child to go through these troubles of being a woman. Very clear about her wishes and not afraid to speak it out loud. I respect her for that.
I really don't think there is anything wrong in parents wanting a baby of a particular gender. Tomorrow when my children are going to read this, I don't want them to think that I love them less because one of them is not a girl. It was just a wish to be blessed with having both experiences. For days after they were born, I could not believe that one of them is not a girl because I was sort of sure that it is going to be that way. But it does not mean that I love them less.
Probably in the Indian context it is easier for one to say wish I had atleast one girl and not hurt any sentiments. But had it been the other way round, if they were both girls and I would have been going all over the place telling wish one of them was a boy, it would have hurt sentiments and activists perhaps making them feel I am regretting not giving birth to a male child. People would have sniggered- oh, a modern, educated woman is speaking like this and setting a bad example.
My question again- is it so wrong to wish for a particular gender? Probably yes in the Indian context.
So can we make a beginning by not judging any parent who says that they want a boy baby?

Ojas Tejas Milestones

I debated on the play schools on this blog a few months back. I convinced myself that a play school is essential. I was going to go for the admissions last monday but sort of in a flash I decided that I don't want to send them off to school yet. More so because the school I zeroed upon will be God willing the school from where they will do their 12th Standard. We fell in love with the school. It has a sprawling campus, neat and well maintained, impeccably turned out and smart teachers (the Talwalker, VLCC types- I spotted a few I knew from the gym), pretty classrooms, and most important of all, a great stress on sports and performing arts, workshops etc. Perhaps I will be able to live my dreams via Ojas & Tejas. They will have options to choose from. They may have an alternate talent/ career to fall back upon incase they get tired of academic based career. They might discover a passion for some of the arts/ sports. In a way, I am making up for what I did not do at their age and how I regret it. I regret not having participated enough. I regret not taking part in all the dance programmes inspite of being a student of / diploma holder in kathak. I regret that the school master use to leave me out the few times I tried, on flimsy grounds because my dance teacher was his ex-student, then rival. I regret not being part of the big dramas & dance dramas. More than anything else, I regret never completing my singing lessons- once because the prssure of class 10 was too much to continue both singing, dancing & 2nd time because I was pregnant after a few months of classes. I want to ensure that the opportunity is given to my kids to choose whether they want to do it. I so wish that they will love sports as much as their dad does and performing arts as much as I do. I so badly want them to learn an instrument. Perhaps I will take lessons from them or together with them once they start. Perhaps one day I will be among the many mothers who are forced to cry out of joy or sorrow at live shows- Well, there I have said it. My most embarassing secrets. I have proved that I am a typical parent, trying to live through the kids. That I am no different from millions of other parents who try to seek vicarious pleasure and pride via their children's victories. I am just a common and an ordinary mother despite my so called modern thinking.
Dreams, aspirations, these are what keeps us going...hoping, guessing, praying and living for the future.
They would have done play school for 3 months Feb onwards and nursery from June onwards. No big deal if they stay at home for another 4 months.
Lots of new clothes were bought in preparation for the school. Money was readied and Nani was on the way to Chennai to support the first few months of school going. But this mom decided not to let go. She felt bad about forcing them into a regime. Since Mom has already readied them for school with all the bookch and puzzles and play doh, she felt that direct nursery will do as well.
I was very comfortable about sending them to this school becasue they encouraged me not to put them in diapers even if they are not completely trained. That really put a smile on my face.
Well, that brings me to another highlight that I can say that touch wood, they are 90% toilet trained.
A few months back, I was frustrated that they could communicate everything except the need to pee or poop. I read up everything on the net on potty training. I forced them, smacked them and cried at my failure. I devised my own motivational methods- I took prints of kids and kittens sitting on both child & adult toilet seats. It served academic interests but I am not sure they really took inspiration from them. I tried to force them on the adult seat. Tejas was still doing it on his potty but Ojas was adamant about constipating himself for the whole day until he was put in diapers or left to run free. He made it a point to soil his diapers everytime we were outside. He used to hide himself and do it on the floor and blame it on the dog. The trouble with twins is that if one of them does it right, your success rate is still 50%. If the other does not do it in the right place and time, you still end up cleaning the mess.
The beginning of shame at his BM. A sure positive sign so I fuelled it by saying - duggi, kakka, duggi should do it on the potty etc.
During out Patna trip, Ojas constipated for 3 days, had a few cursory accidents, but by the 4th day he was happily doing it on the adult potty. Tejas was comfortable, singing while pooping in the potty. Proud of his achievemnts.
I do not know when the transition took place. I missed noticing it altogether because it was sporadic and sudden and not always 100 success. Now they wake up in the morning and rush to their seat removing their shorts and pee in their potty, not in the kitchen or bed (their favourite spots). While playing, they remember to go to the potty with or without reminder. They sit on the potty when the feel the pressure and don't want to wash. They love sitting on the potty, I can imagine that soon a book will appear in their hands.
10% accidents happen, but nothing that is annoying me, well it is, when it happens in the kitchen.
They are still not out of diapers yet, when we go out for long duration.
Night time dryness in not achieved completely, but semi controlled. I wake up ever 2-3 hours to take them to the loo. And they go back to sleep after that. Only in the morning I have to give them the milk bottle in exchange.
If I was in a 3-bedroom apartment, it would have been the right time to move them to their own room as they do not wake up in the night.
So if any Mom out there is looking for some sure short potty training method, I have nothing to offer. I can only say that it just happened and no amount of pestering made them do it. Just hang on and watch for the signs to materialize. But, in a way, I am glad that this trying time is nearly over. The last lap and I will be done. Once they begin to express along with control I can take the diapers off.
The next milestone I am looking forward is to do away with the bottle.

What lengths people go to annoy a pregnant woman

1. Tell you not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until 3 months are over- well I have told you, why can’t I tell anyone else
2. Worse still, they do it for you- flash your news to the world
3. Ask loudly in a crowd- How many months?
4. Wonder looking at your tummy- you look as if you can deliver anytime
5. Always focus on your tummy while talking to you
6. Looks like it is a boy as the tummy is outwards/ Looks like it is a girl – when they did it for me I almost laughed out loud- especially those who did not know I was carrying twins- they could be right either way.
7. Touch your tummy without asking to feel the baby
8. You don’t have edema? Wait till next month, you will get it. They almost rejoiced when my feet began to swell.
9. You are not having nausea? It will come, wait and watch.
10. You must do more exercise- like sweep & mop the floor for easy delivery – (irrespective of whether the doc advised bed rest)
11. Prescribe what you must eat and what you must not to ensure getting a fair child.
12. This one tops- sit with the wife in the gynecologist’s waiting room and never vacate the seat for another pregnant woman.

Flashback March 2005

Taking a cue from Art Navy’s post of 26th Dec, on her initial days of pregnancy, I thought of documenting my experiences too.
We tested positive with the in-home test done over the weekend and since my doctor was busy getting her daughter married to Muralitharan, we waited till Good Friday to see her. We decided not to break the news to the family until the doc gave a clear go ahead. And after the confirmation, we decided to celebrate with a “whirlwind” romantic getaway to Pondicherry!
While we were quite wary of the test as I was not experiencing any tell-tale signs of pregnancy like giddiness/ nausea like the heroines in bollywood movies do, yet after 1 week of hugging the news of “baby” happening, to ourselves, we were sitting at the doc’s room with the confirmed, official medical test. She asked me to do the scan just to ensure everything was alright as I was already on the 6th week.
As we were waiting for our turn, I frivolously mentioned that it would be great to have twins.
I went in for the scan after loads of water and the doctor was taking his own sweet time and asking me plenty of questions. In turn I also started asking him whether everything was fine. Annoyingly he did not want to answer. Another doc came by and started looking at the screen. He just muttered “twins aa??” I thought I heard something that sounded like twins and on cue started troubling the doctor with questions- what happened, what is it?
After a long time the doctor turned the screen towards me and said -its twins. I could see two distinct dots.
They called hubby to show him the goods. As I saw him coming I made a ‘V’ sign indicating 2 – I doubt it whether he understood as he had such a goofy smile on his face as the doctor started giving him the good news.
Hubby’s feeling is beautifully summed up by him – Never in my school exams I scored more than what I estimated. After seeing the scan results, I felt I was getting a better score than I had anticipated!
Dr Nithyaa said probably her good luck had rubbed off on mine! I had planned not to tell my office about the pregnancy during the initial days, for obvious reasons- all should go well, and bonus and increments at office were due. But as they say one should never plan too much- Doctor advised bed rest for 6 weeks atleast to tide over the high risk twin gestation, if possible for the entire 40 weeks. So I had to break the news to one and all in office. And thereafter “baby” became “babies” in our conversation.
And Pondicherry trip went out of the window.
My CEO’s comment- how can I blend two different fragrances in the same vessel!.. For the uninitiated, I worked that time in the fragrance industry and the fragrances supplied to FMCG manufactures are a blend of ingredients that are mixed in individual vessels.

Experiences during Pregnancy

Apart from the usual, there are a few things I experienced with the twin gestation

1. Heart Beat- Doc heard the 1st heart beat on my right side and automatically searched the left side for the 2nd. She couldn’t find it. After a few tries, she discovered that the 2nd one was on the right too. Meaning both had their heads in the same direction- so friendly
2. 1st trimester scan- twin 1 was sitting and twin 2 was lying down. Twin 1 was boxing twin 2’s bum & Twin 2 was kicking twin 1’s nose- “in”fighting
3. Each kick by one twin had an answering kick by the 2nd twin
4. There were times when I couldn’t sleep during the advanced stage- both used to invariably have their heads towards the top and I could hardly breath forget about lying down. No amount of “hitting” them would make them budge. Sometimes this used to happen when I was having my food and I could not eat until they moved downwards
5. When both their heads used to move to one side in the last trimester, I could not turn to that side until one of them deigned to move to the other part.
6. If one was kicking and the 2nd was not, the 1st one used to continue kicking until the 2nd one woke up and started answering the kicks.
7. Doc said that C-section is the best way to do because one can never ensure that both will be normal deliveries so better not to take a chance
8. Twins tend not to stay inside after the 37th week. There is no space to grow further. The doc suggested an auspicious date & time according to the charts for delivery. My little monsters did not agree to that, is another story- they were 4 days earlier than the good date & 18 days earlier than the calendar date.
9. No allowed physical activity – even walking- since I was working, the exercise was considered to be more than enough. So I told all those who asked me to walk to go take a walk themselves & leave me to my devices.
10. While I was happily doing all the fun things like shopping, going to restaurants (had been to kabab court 2 days before the delivery) a friend of mine who is also carrying twins is strictly on bed rest due to complications
11. Walking became difficult from 5th month onwards and I was looking as if I will deliver anytime.
12. I gained 25 kgs

Pregnancy and Compassion

I am Pregnant, not sick. This is the sentence that appears in most of the Mills & Boons books where the pregnant heroine is treated with kids’ gloves by the Tall, Dark, Handsome hunk. I also found myself telling the same sentence to many people who tried to restrict me too much. I guess the only people who understood and applied this sentence in totality are the guys who give us Mediclaim cover – where in you need to get admitted to the hospital for 24hours and avail cashless facility for the expenses within the prescribed limit. The ugly truth dawned on me when I was carrying- pregnancy is not covered under Mediclaim but my company had negotiated with the insurance guys to allow around a quarter of what I am otherwise eligible- and this covered less than half of my actual expenses in the hospital. Infact some medication taken post a hospitalization incident are also covered under mediclaim but not the medicines taken post pregnancy. Atleast I was luckier than my husband, who got no coverage for his pregnant wife. The saving grace was that I was allowed to cover my kids from day 1 so their expenses were completely taken care of.

Somebody needs to educate the insurance guys out there that while pregnancy may not be a disease the pregnant woman has to endure 9 months carrying & hospital visits + 5 days in hospital + atleast 6 months recuperating. Atleast we can move to 100% coverage for up to 2 child births?

The discrimination exists everywhere. Bosses/ colleagues use the episode of pregnancy as a reference point during introductions- she has just come back from maternity leave, or she is carrying and is continuing to work for as long as she can, as if the rest of the achievements don’t count at all. As if she has done no work all this while, simply came, go married, got pregnant, took maternity leave & is back again. This happens when a girl gets married also- she is introduced as “just married” whereas men are never introduced using marriage or planning a child as a reference point. I have seen some women who are in the middle of crucial project, not telling the boss about the pregnancy until it becomes too obvious for they fear that their commitment levels would be questioned. Sad but true. Some bosses even leave the lady in question without meaningful projects, clearly doubting whether she would come back or not.

She bears the jabs from colleagues - I guess you are in a different world and your priorities are different so you have not been paying attention, or the inhuman ones like- how come you don’t come down to the lab nowadays totally forgetting that even walking down to the loo is such an effort for her who is carrying a hell lot of extra weight around her middle.

Bosses have been known to use pregnancy as an excuse during appraisal times indicating the poor increments a result of the long maternity leave. Totally ignoring the fact that she would have worked from home, received umpteen no of phone calls regarding work related issues from team members and ghost directed the projects. Completely forgetting that she would have filled in for others who would have resigned or were getting married & had taken a month long break and that she was working till the last moment until she could walk no more. Ignoring how beautifully she would have mentored the colleagues who would fill in after she leaves and how impeccably she would have maintained documents and records so that the transition is smooth. They miss out on the fact that after getting back to work post maternity leave, how swiftly she gets cued on to the whole set of projects and starts of from where she has left.

On the flip side, companies, bosses and colleagues also offer a lot of support in terms of extended maternity leave, allowing flexitime, ignoring late-coming and early leaving, allowing faster access to the lunch, at times taking a detour when she hitch hikes a ride etc. People are by & large compassionate but if only they were more professional about the job front too…

The OT

They wheeled her inside the OT at 4.30 am. Or what she thought was an OT. It was a room just outside the OT where they kept all the equipments etc. She was in queue as there was another patient inside. Not again, she sighed to herself, queue here also.
She saw her doctor in the surgical attire. She had never seen her doctor like this before. She used to always be dressed up in a silk/ starched cotton sari with make –up to perfection, matching eye shadow, jewels and all. And here she was in the blue surgical attire and not at all her usual talkative self. She watched her doctor as she said a silent prayer to herself and perhaps mentally prepared for the surgery and felt a strange mix of camaraderie and alienation. Then it struck her perhaps for the first time that she was not just one in so many cases for her doctor- like they usually say. But she was one of her many “key result areas” like the HR people say in any other profession. She was accountable for the outcome and her performance appraisal would be based on all the cases she handles. Hence every case needed the utmost care and perfection. Perhaps that is why the doctor never completely delegates her case to the junior doctors. Even if it is a simple exercise of removing the stitches she insists that she takes the final look. And when it comes to checking the baby’s heart beat, she repeats it inspite of the fact that one would have taken the scan a few minutes ago and seen the baby’s heart galloping.

The other patient came out from the OT softly groaning. She made a mental note to not to groan when she is wheeled out of the OT, but to bravely bear the pain.

As she was taken in and the preparation being done, she asked her doctor how long the operation would take, eagerly waiting for the anesthesia to be administered so that she could escape from the dull pain that was going on for at least 12 hours now. Soon was the only word she heard and then breathe deeply as she drifted off to a welcoming, 45 minute long anesthesia induced sleep.