Truly said that guilt begins the moment you conceive. Any random reason can make you feel guilty.
Guilt could be induced by others-
The Haemoglobin count is low- Do you want ordinary kids or intelligent ones- eat fish, mutton....
What? you are eating mangoes? Not good for the babies
Guilt could be self induced-
I am unable to solve this puzzle/ crossword- I will have dumb kids
As Mamma of Twins, my biggest guilt was the nagging feeling that I am being unfair to one of them at any given point of time.
From small things like-
Do I feed Ojas the first spoon or Tejas when both are looking at me and the bowl
Or bigger things like-
Whom do I breast feed first when both are screaming their lungs off at the same time.
And even bigger was the guilt when I had to supplement with cow milk only because I was unable to cope with the marathon feeding - I felt I am being a bad mother by taking the easier way out by giving them top feed in 15 days time itself. My heart did not want to succumb but my mind was screaming- let go- they will be happier to get fed on time without screaming and waiting for the brother to finish the feed in peace. The best part of starting top feed was that I did not have to count the minutes and guiltily disengage after 8-10 minutes of feed would be up to feed the second one.
There are moments when a small action or a gesture or an expression triggers a surge of love for one of them - at that moment alongwith love emerges guilt- how could I be so unfair as to feel the love for only of them?
And then there are such moments when both are being naughty. I smack one and the other falls in line automatically so there is no real need to smack the other one, make him also cry and have double duty of making it up to both of them. The easier way is to take a mini guilt trip for smacking only one of them.
Trying to be impartial is also a difficult task especially when personal preferences come in between. For example- I personally like red or black color and let's say there is a red T shirt and a yellow t shirt- I find it hard to decide whom to give the red T-shirt just because it is my personal favourite.
How do we try to tackle this parental guilt thing?
Through repeat performance- like cuddle one and cuddle the other too in exact manner
Dadda takes nearly identical snaps with the kids
Through equal treatment atleast in their eyes- Colour of toy/ T shirt, quantity of food, leg piece of KFC chicken or larger piece of KFC chicken, Shall I hold Ojas' hand & should Dadda hold Tejas' hand or the other way round when we are outside- these important, earth moving decisions are left to the kids. More often than not it is easier that way because they have clear and distinct preferences. We resort to identical stuff only if they decide so.
Bob the Builder or Tigger T-shirt- they decide!
And by closing our ears- if any external advice does not match with our philosophy of child rearing- we just ignore it and say- we parents know best!