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Friday, August 11, 2006

Ma vs Ma in law

I have learnt that-
one may have differences with Ma & MIL alike but, with Ma one can open up easily and fight it out as one knows her all her life. With MIL there is a hesitation to cross the rubicon. Its upto the MIL & hubby to help out the damsel in distress. And as fights with ma go, one forgives and forgets the next moment, the same principle applies to fights with MIL . And a good argument (this is the word I like to use rather than fight) truly clears the air.

If Ma buys the same stuff that one has bought, one says our tastes are same, if MIL does the same, one says she is copying - she always wants the same thing that I have - one has the need to shine at the in-laws side in all respects - talent, tastes, attitude - if MIL posseses the same thing, one cannot show-off

If Ma messes up, one silently covers up - but MIL has to answer the son - probably because the son never believes that his Ma can go wrong. there is an urge with one to show that hubby's Ma is not all that perfect

Grass is always greener on the other side- One never likes one's MIL but friends' or relatives' MIL is usually very sweet, understanding and adjusting.

All said and done today's MIL is extremely low maintenance than those of bygone years. Am sure the next gen DIL has a lot to look forward to.

Steps to make MIL-DIL relationship better
Shop together- nothing like saying you select for me ..( even pay for it hopefully)
Gossip- women bond well at this especially if the object of gossip is universally hated by both
Cook together and praise the other's skills
Find the weak spot - more often than not it would be praise for some special skill or a favourite show/ film
Gifts - as Alice said there are more unbirthday presents (364 against 1 on b'day)- find occassions other than b'days - the surprise element adds to the pleasure

8 comments:

The Inquisitive Akka said...

Well said :)

Ardra said...

Hi!
Thanks for dropping in at my place-
actually my bro used to make me sing that song for him!

reading this post reminded me of an old post of mine:

http://www.sulekha.com/blogs/blogdisplay.aspx?cid=9787

itchingtowrite said...

hi inqui akka

thanks

hi ardra
your post was worth reading

itchingtowrite said...

hi inqui akka

thanks

hi ardra
your post was worth reading

The Visitor said...

Times are always changing; the issues change; but MIL-DIL conflicts are forever. You'll know when you become a MIL. :)

On a serious note - the question that begs an answer is "who comes first" - and both ask at the same time! Imagine the plight of the man?
If this problem were solved many of our mega-serials would become micro-serials for want of something to say!

PS: Sorry for presuming that you are a DIL now.

itchingtowrite said...

Hi Visitor
You are right on both counts- the fact that the conflict is never ending and that I am a DIL. but anyday as long as these fights are not mega but Micro / mini, they will add spice to life.. i mean i dont see myself as agreeing to everything MIL says or rather in future being extremely complacent MIL ( to my 2 DILs I hope in the future beyond 20 years or so - now u realize why these worldly wise statements are coming). the arguments/ fights are extremely stimulating in any relationship as long as they r not carried too far & don't intend to hurt. And yes your question is debatable... i would say- both are first but belong to different lists!!!

Hip Grandma said...

the last point was best.the tips are bound to help me.

Usha said...

Interesting take.
The bottomline is to make the effort - from both sides and want to make it work!