I was on a High

The whole of Friday evening and part of Saturday, just because we did a mini blogmeet-
with Sue& R and IBH at my place.
I had Sue met before and was all eager to see R, who turned out to be a real doll! a very quite (it seemed) and outgoing child who tried his best to feed potato chips to Ojas & Tejas. I was hoping he would succeed where I have failed!
IBH & I had spoken over the phone and she sounded really smart & interesting. Well, I was not disappointed. She is a very interesting, gregarious and chatty lady.
We talked and talked into the evening and the 3 of us made the most noise compared to the 3 kids who formed individual groups of their own in the living room- as usual Ojas & Tejas fiercly guarding their tricycles much to my shame.
It was so strange that we were not running out of topics to discuss. Sue has written in detail what we did. We discussed our work, the hectic life, our dreams & ambitions, our kids and their strange milestones of self discovery.
Thanks Sue for the puzzles & IBH for the chocolates. Both were devoured with equal pleasure

For the New Dads/ Dads in Waiting

While we are on the subject of advice, pregnancy, PPD and the works in some forum, I came upon an older post of mine in draft. I found it to be extremely angsty and therefore I had never published it. So I am giving the post a 360 degree makeover and turning it into an advisory list from a certified rant.
On a side note, this worries me- if I am making posts out of archived thoughts, am I running out of ideas? Does it mean I am not expanding my knowledge but converging towards past wisdom?
Anyway, I digress...
So this is for New Dads & Dads to be- I have taken up your cause before so now for some words of wisdom from women who have been through it before.

1. You (and everyone else) would have treated your pregnant wife like royalty and the moment the kid is born all attention will naturally gets directed to the kid. While this is normal, you as her husband and soulmate must, in no circumstance forget that she is your first priority. Otherwise you would undo all the good work done by you during the pregnancy. She might, in a fit of anger just turn back and accuse that you did it for your selfish interests- the child(ren).
2. Post pregnancy, whether CSec or normal delivery a mother is exhausted and requires a care taking equated to 6 months of illness.
Imagine getting up after hours of gruelling labour or waking up few hours post any surgery and going about the business of feeding/ cleaning/ comforting a newborn. Yes, a mother forgets all about her pains & well deserved rest and sets to look after the child right away. Can you even think of doing it?
So make it up to her. Offer a helping hand as often as possible. Be part of the process and proactive rather than a casual bystander helping whenever convenient.
3. Give her emotional support
Talk to her, spend time with her, especially if she is cooped in a room nursing the baby and the rest of the household is laughing, gossiping and joking away in the living room. Don't treat her as a baby making and nurturing machine. She is still a living, breathing, full blooded woman who is your wife first and then a mother. It doesn't hurt to ask her how was her day or what did you do the entire day in office, whom did you meet or update her with the latest.
4. Let her have her space- with herself, her thoughts etc.
people tend to crowd a new mother with their advice, presence and constant talk. Keep a watch and disengage such people when you feel it is becoming a "too much". She will be unable to blatantly tell people to push off because all of them are well meaning people who have come to bless the baby(ies).
5. Contribute to the home management
bunking maids, messy home, unwashed clothes, nappies, folding washed clothes, filling water bottles, other hygiene issues that the wife is expected to be done. Find alternative support or pitch in yourself. Remember she is on a full time job now unlike your part time office work
6. The new born(s) will wake up many times in the night.
Even if you have to go on work next day, you must work out a schedule where in you take turns to wak up and check the nappy before handing over to her for feeding. Imagine being rudely woken up everytime you try to sleep- this happens to her the entire day- morning & night.
6. Be by her side if anyone critisizes her
The baby does not always fall sick because of the mother's diet, bath schedule etc.
7. Make time for her. Insist that she gets a break
Take her for a romantic dinner, movie etc
8. A welcome home / thank you gift (for giving you the baby(ies) ) would be a nice touch.
9. She might yell and lose her cool for no reason with you or ILs or anybody else
Be her sounding board without quarreling/ arguing back (This comes from wise Sue in another forum)
10. Take off from work from time to time just for spending time with her and the baby(ies)
11. She may not cook anymore.
Don't throw a tantrum for that
12. There is something called Post Partum Depression
see 10, 9, 7,6,4,3 above
13. Make it a rule to not go out and socialize without her
it makes her feel all the more left out. She might encourage you to go alone but refuse vehemently saying you will not go without her!
14. With the multiple changes in her body, her self esteem may reach an alltime low
Give her mental/moral/emotional/physical boost
Do post your PPD memories on my comment space or send me the links for me to make our case stronger

Ojas Tejas Speak

Get it Right Mamma will you?
Me- Will you have noodles? Showing them pasta thinking they will not know it is pasta.
Ojas/ Tejas- This no doondles this is pasta!
Faking
Ojas- No touch, Ojas legs chot (bruise)
Tejas- no touch hands chot (bruise) obviously faking
A,B, C, 1, 2, 3
Grandma has taught them to recognize the alphabets & numbers and all of a sudden I find them recognizing them correctly.
I have written their names on the underside of their school waterbottles.
Both recognize the pattern and therefore can pick the right bottle just looking at it.
Ultimately Mamma Wins
Out of the so many songs in their nursery song book, both have picked up 1 each as their favourite.
And both songs are in Hindi. (yay)
Narcissism
We got their passport size photos done. Both will pick up their own photo and kiss it.
Hands Off
Dadda gets a royal beating by Ojas if he so much as lays a finger on Mamma.
Phony
Just by the tone of my or hubby's voice they can understsand correctly whom we are talking to. The moment Ojas realizes that I am talking to my brother, he tells- dekhe mamu phone and then "slaps" on the phone saying Mamu, pitti!
Taskmaster
Me- will you eat paratha (that I had made this morning)
Tejas- yes
Mamma gives the parathas 1 each in their hand
Tejas- Garam karo (heat it)
Mamma micro heats it
Tejas- garam ho gaya, thanda karo (it's too hot, cool it)
Mamma- cools it
Tejas- ab plate layo (now, bring plate)
Mamma gets 1 plate and keeps on the table, hoping they will rest the parathas on the plate while working on their puzzle
Ojas keeps his paratha in the plate and Tejas tells- ab another plate layo (now get another plate)
After a while.
Tejas returns the paratha- again garam karo (heat it again)
Mamma heats it
Tejas- garam ho gaya
Keeps it back in his plate and forgets about it
Pronunciation Problem
They pronounce swim as "Sim"
So I was copying them and said "Sim"
Tejas- aise nahin "sim", "Sim bolo". Correct karo
Until I said "swim" he (im)patiently kept on correcting me

In all Politeness

A firang kid was trying to bully Tejas and was pushing him while the 2 were watching the fish at Promenade. While Mamma was spluttering from her seat- give him back, don't let him bully you, Ojas went and stood behind Tejas in full support.

And when the kid pushes Ojas, he coolly puts his palm up and says- "Wait"

Quick to Pick

I am trying to bring out the difference between book & notebook

You should not write on book, you should write in notebook

Ojas- Mamma give me Nota-book

Benefits of School

1. The routine is set- wake up at 6.30-7.00 am, brush, eat, poop, bath, go to school, back home, lunch, sleep, milk, play, dinner, sleep at 8.30-9.00 pm

2. Potty routine is set to morning instead of how it used to be either anytime, or weekend no potty or Tejas in the morning & Ojas at night. Gives me a lot of peace of mind because I don't have to worry about they doing it in school bcause they have not really larnt to confess that they want to do potty when they are outside their home. Also, now I can go out in peace if they have done their potty as per their fixed times. Sigh!

3. Mealtimes are fixed the only hitch being they do not eat their tiffin that I pack.

4. They are ready to go and sleep around 8.30 pm nowadays.

5. We managed to do an outing after making them sleep one week - night! Gives me some hope- we could catch up with a movie someday maybe.

6. I have become disciplined now- no late nights, wake up on time and get things done. No TV too though barring the mornings when I put compulsory music channel.

7. I get some peaceful half an hour after they leave for school & before I leave for work.

8. I feel more useful and get a great sense of satisfaction that I am doing things for them

9. While quantity time together lacks because I am working, I appreciate the truly quality time we spend together- multitasking & making use of every waking moment- doing puzzle while eating or reading in bed or singing in bed or dancing together during weekends.

10. Less of passive TV for the kids because 1st half is spent in school and they now go to bed early.

Meanwhile, brother joins 1st job today

The Missing Counsel

Case- DIL vs rest of the ILs
Advice to DILs- been given and argued out in many forums
Here comes the rest of the counsel
Disclaimer- This is not my experience. It is collective wisdom gathered over a period of time
To all the forward thinking ILs- This is not meant to insult you. This is in answer to many households who believe that the advice doled out bears merit

1. It is not enough to just welcome the DIL with open arms into the household on the day of marriage in front of everybody. One must also make her feel welcome and part of the family through and through.
-So if you give her the master bedroom with the only attached bathroom during the first week of her stay- continue to do that, because the newly weds would need that more than the rest of the family needs it.
-If you feel it is not right for her to cook for the entire household during the first few days, continue to feel so because after 3 days she will not morph into a cooking machine. The rest of the household should move their backside and do their bit in helping out as much as possible.
-If you encourage the newly weds to go out alone for their honeymoon or to catch a movie, do not frown on them if they want to continue doing that without taking the lot of you with them.
2. The DIL is now the Chief Executive of the house. The rest of you can be board members/ (senior) directors if you may please. You play the role of advisory but it is upto the CEO to execute. Remember, once again, the CEO is the ultimate decision maker. The rest of you are advisory and refrain from unsolicited advice unless it's really crucial for you to speak up. If so, do it tactfully. Do not hurt the feelings. This is like a relay race. You got to pass the baton if you want to ultimately emerge a winner as a team. Else you remain static and do not progress.
-Where the DIL goes and whom she visits is upto her. Do not question or prevent
-Trust the CEO- you have voted her in so you would have seen some qualities in her worthwhile to your household.
-Do not compete for her post. You are past your prime. Take Voluntary Retirement before you are unceremoniously thrown out.
3. Support the DIL at all times especially in the initial stages. It will reap more rewards than you can think of.
-So if you feel your son or brother is being unfair to the wife, do not hesitate to protest and make him see sense. It is easier to get back into the good books of your son/ brother than the DIL.
-In an unfortunate event of you becoming a witness to any quarrel between the couple, either scoot or support the DIL. Why? See above in red or go to this link.
4. The DIL is the certified better half of the son. So now stop behaving as you have the complete right over him
-Do not hog his time. Forget about late night chats with him. If it has to happen, it has to be done strictly in the DIL's presence.
-Allow the couple to cozy on together in privacy in shared resources like the sofa, TV, car, garden etc. Give them space. You could tactfully walk away into your own room when the son/ DIL come home after a long day at work instead of pouncing on them immediately
-Allow the DIL to talk of relevant events of the day to her husband instead of you being the mouthpiece. You can be the mouthpiece for your own husband.
-Do not butt in if the couple talk something to each other. If it had been of any conseuqence to you, they would have involved you. Probably they are discussing something that is too embarassing for you to listen to. So mum's the word
5. If you want to eat something specific- make it yourself. Don't expect the DIL to magically know how you like your food made.
- if your son likes a specific recipe do not nag the DIL to make it - if you wanted him to eat that same food all the time, you should have taught him how to make it.
6. If you find your son romantically helping out the DIL, do not crib or taunt on how he never helped you. Blame it on your managment skills and crawl back into your hole.
-don't pretend that the tyrant DIL is overworking your poor son and start lending him a helping hand. I repeat, crawl back into your hole.
7. Whenever you buy a gift for the couple, ensure that the gift for the DIL is equal in stature or value to what you give your son.
-rerfain from giving cheap unbranded stuff, sale stuff or dowdy or fake clothes. Nothing but the real thing for the real gem of DIL who is coming to grace your home.
8. Your DIL is the representative of your house. Do not sit and gossip with neighbours of her age now.
-As I said, back off into your hole or den or whatever you wish to call it.
9. You make a fool of yourself if you compete with DIL in domains where your skill sets are low.
-It makes better sense to tell yourself- I am not competing.
10. She is the DIL. She is not a cleaning machine to pick up wet towels, put your dirty laundry in the machine, stash away smelly shoes, make beds, switch off lights, fan, gas or taps after all of you.
-Remember the mantras
- each one for oneself
-do unto others as they do unto you- so if you want your DIL to pick up after you, you lead by example- pick up after her first.
11. And finally, don't try to force fit your grandchildren's looks/ behaviour to your side of the family. Remember she is the mother who bore the child for 40 weeks. It is nature's way of ensuring that the child has to take after the mom in some way or the other.
-Since you cannot beat them(nature), join them. Sing profusely how the child is just like the mother. It will reap more rewards than you can think of.

Edited to add

a smart MIL pheonix Ritu adds her counsel

I quote from her and applaud...
You have handed over your son to his wife. She is his first priority - not you. So chill okay. If he spends more time with her, dont sulk. If they do want to go out with you or spend time with you, they would come and be with you. Its their zamana, not yours. Plus at this age, you would not survive their pace, their food, their loud music. Notice I said “their” They are a team now, you are the bystander. Accept it.
Lastly and most importantly ….. Be nice to the girl your son brings home - remember that she is the one who will be around when you are old and frail. Also she is the mother of the grandchildren you hope to pamper.

Kiss of a Perfume

A woman should wear fragrance wherever she expects to be kissed
said Coco Chanel
A perfume ought to enter the room with you and leave a mild lingering trail when you leave the room- not like people smell you before they see you and feel your heavy cloying presence long after you have left the room!
My first memories of perfume dates back to the time I must have been about 8-10.
- My grandma's complaint that Grandpa always picks up a Charlie! To date I do not know why because I do not really like that fragrance.
- the crisp and warm smell of Old Spice that Dad used in his younger days
- Mom's Opium by YSL- I still love that perfume sweet, spicy, powdery.
It must be the past link that made me love heavy, oriental, warm, woody and spicy fragrances like- Poem, Obsession, Organza, Ysatis along with florals like in the initial years of my career in the "scent company". I would swear by these styles and my liking reflected in my choice for most fragrance projects.
I was told that once you start really appreciating the structure of a chypre fragrance you have arrived. It is a structure that really grows on you- you need to learn to appreciate it rather than naturally like it I suppose. I took nearly 3 plus years to appreciate and like sophisticated chypres and the more modern transparent/ fresh/ watery fragrances.
I fell in love with
-Knowing, Gucci Rush, Miss Dior and Arden Beauty & Pleasures.
-Flower by Kenzo, Miracle & Sensi for their feminine floral accords.
I inducted hubby into the chypre family with Kouros and Paco Rabane so that I get to smell them everyday as he is a liberal user of "scent"
My legacy of love for perfumes and the way my nose flares up as any wanted or unwanted odour drifts past me is passed on genetically to Ojas & Tejas-
- They raise their arms to be liberally sprayed with deo everytime hubby uses it
-they mention- smell -whenever they suddenly get a bad/ good smell

Lingerie Lessons

Just when you thought that you know of all the uses of lingerie, here comes this study that talks of how there is more to this garment than meets the eye
A friend who worked in a lingerie factory once enlightened me about how complicated the manufacturing of innerwear is, infact I visited Intimate Fashions factory and was absolutely itching to lay my hands on them- may be grab a consignment before they got shipped and take them all home with me.
Giving the well deserved respect to the complications of manufacturing, the milestones that most women pass through while lingerie buying would be-
1. The first time- bought by mom & given to be worn
2. The first independent purchase
3. Innerwear for the Trousseou
4. Innerwear used during pregnancy
5. After pregnancy
6. Chasing-the-mirage-stage- waiting to be back to normal
7. Deeply-regret-vital statistics-is-permanently-altered stage
So I woke up one morning and realized that stage 7 has crept upon me and it's time I stop hanging on to the relics from the past and take the bold leap.
So I walk in to the Chennaite's destination for Lingrie wear- Naidu Hall- give a glance towards the pukeworthy styles displayed along with the clueless saleswomen and drive straight out to Globus. I brace myself for the long hours in the trial room exprimenting with various arbit designs and styles until I find a few styles that suit & fit me.
Enter the apparently clueless but seemingly expert innerwear consultant who is eager to guide me during my purchase. I dismissively mention her my preferences and needs and she gives me the most expensive and delicate looking pieces in vibrant and feminine colors to try- just for size. For the first time in life I note that they actually fit well. Delighted I ask for similar styles at half the price or less because I am habituated to think in the larger picture terms-how does the price compare to a kurta or a top or any other outerwear. Out came the most behenji style unflattering pieces in standard black, white & tan guaranteed to turn the man off if something naughty is on the agenda. No laces, no frills, no fancy but still cost as much as a Fab India short top or men's kurta- just putting things in perspective.
As I often say- no amount of professional training can work in real life situations- we are all just common consumers and we behave like one even though our formal training teaches us various arts of negotiation and marketing gimmicks. So the lingerie consultant practiced her consumer behavious skills on me who was a very easy target- she played on my obvious attraction for bright, cheerful colours and prints and laces and slyly suggested that I buy a few ordinary ones and just 1 or 2 "horribly" expensive ones for occassion/special occassions. Now the cool me who is definitely not over the hill just because she is a mamma of 2 and plans to age in style played right into the trap and did an impulse purchase of various colours/ styles/ prints/ material of innerwear.
For the first time, I was explained while buying, on what styles would be right for me. I did no random trials but every piece she gave me was deliberately selected keeping in mind that I am on stage 7 of the buying stages.
I finished in less than an hour and that was my most satisfactory experience in innerwear buying.
Coincidentally the saleswoman's name was Juliet (local undies manufacturer!)

Bloggers Meet @ Fruit Shop @ Greams Road

Yes we did it- finally a large enough gathering.
As discussed bringing the kids in was optional and since Kowsalya & Nisha said they are bringing theirs, Tharini was mentioning that our hero Winkie could possibly make it and I was sure that Anush would definitely not come without bringing her Mom Art , how could I be left out?
So I took Ojas & Tejas along and reached a good 15 minutes after 4 pm because a meltdown was staged right before leaving home. I walk in to see Nisha & Tharini like old friends in deep conversation and Art all over the place with Anush. It didn't take me long to recognize Nisha because of the pic she had shared on our Mom- group.
Kowsalya walked in without the kid and while we were wondering who she was because we usually connect the Moms by the kid's face, Tharini exclaims- oh this is Kowsalya!
Amidst snap taking & juice ordering Minka & Bubbles made an entry with a huge bag of goodies in tow. Bubbles and not just Bubbles but also his mother were truly bubbly. We moms struggled hard to seat all 4 kids and face the camera long enough to get a perfect picture for the blog - the things we do for the sake of our blog posts!
Sometimes I feel I really don't make full use of the blog meets. There was so much I wanted to talk and share but did not. Perhaps one hour is not enough. We know the blog persona so deeply that we don't know where to start and which topic to choose. Sometimes I don't want to confuse and reconcile the blog persona & real life persona at all!
Ojas & Tejas thank Bubbles for the lovely gifts- a dress up puzzle- this is a set of 2, 10 piece each puzzle that has shots of a boy & a girl dressing up (for school). You need to fit them in series. The kids loved it. And off course a play dough which is anyway a big hit- you can never have enough play dough sets I feel. The more the better!

Round Table

It's official. We are round-tablers now. We got formally inducted into the round table of Pondy yesterday ie- Hubby received the round table badge & I joined the circle (ladies arm). A motley group of 3 round tables came together for the AGM meeting last night at GRT Pondy. The circle I belong to was extremely friendly group of ladies who were even taking care of the kids every time I went for a plate refill- which I assure you guys, was many. Only once did the 2 kids manage to slip their way out of the doors and walked upstairs out of the hotel. They managed to be extremely quiet when confronted witha round tabler and just said Mamma- inspite of recognizing all the 3 languages that the poor guy spoke trying to find out what they were looking for outside. A pair of psyched Mom & Dad were located with the Mom shrilly screaming out for the escapees.
Our table/ circle is involved in community activities related to education- providing notebooks, constructing school toilets etc.
The kids & I had my fill of fish/ chicken starters, paneer starters, juice and a hbral/ basil pasta at the pasta counter and a chocolate cake. While poor hubby who was busy networking had to make do with pasta and a drink only along with leftover icecream which the kids asked for and did not eat.
A good sociable crowd of synamic, friendly and fun loving guys whose main motto is friendship.
On a side note- as we were coming out of the hotel, self spotted a pair of girls dressed in short skirts and tops and commented- wish these girls were part of the table- they would have added some more jazz to the already hip crowd.
Pat came the reply from hubby- not table- bed!

Promenade on Pondy

Located right on the Pondicherry beach it has an out of the world sensation.
A selection of 2 dining areas- 1 buffet / ala carte & another right on the roof top- aptly named lighthouse.
An aquarium of oblivious fish for kids to be occupied and a safe roof top area puts minds of tired parents at ease- friendly though seemingly clueless waiters don't mind ferrying the kids round.
The menu was supposedly Italian style- I ordered a tandoori chicken set menu and malai kababs for the kids. But no, the kids were busy polishing off the spicy papads, downing them with sips of water- papads which were actually too hot for my taste. I also took a walnut brownie with chocolat sauce.
Hubby took a paneer set menu- never got round to tasting his though.
They also serve Indian food for the ground floor kitchen.
The service is excrutiatingly slow for a hungry tummy. But that's the idea here- food doesn't seem to be the main agenda- it's the ambience & the drinks probably.
I would rather go for the spread where in I may have a pick of the larger menu.

And Drumroll please....

I hav clocked 10000 today at kathipara junction around 10.15 this morning.

Three cheers for my Swift car!

And yes guys- yesterday I bribed the petrol bunk at Indra Nagar Rs 100 for full tank- else they were willing to fill only for Rs 500 - now thi sis what I call making the most of the public panic created because of the strike.