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Friday, February 29, 2008

Together We Shall Be

For the 1st 3 years of school as of now.
We were asked our preference whether we wanted them in separate classes, to counter any problems of one overshadowing the other.
Both K and I vehemently refused. They are dependent on each other's existence in the same room or same house and are strong personalities by their own right. But they definitely do not overshadow each other in any respect. As far as we are concerned they are individuals who are equal parts of the whole. We would like them to have a healthy, supportive atmosphere of togetherness, a fair competition and not tearing them apart and separating them for the sake of individual personality growth.
I am not saying they should sit next to each other in class but as long as they are in the same room in different corners, it's ok with me. One might say since twins share such a close bonding, it does not matter whether they are a few benches apart or a few classes apart. But I object to the motive of putting them in separate classes. I believe that they can flourish together or apart but it is more beautiful to see them flourish together. I want them to enjoy the benefit of having your sibling share the same classroom. Call it sentimental on our part, call it irrational or call it logical, we want them together. We want to observe them together in the same classroom for pre school and re evaluate the needs after that. Incase the two do not flourish in togetherness, we will have to give them a chance apart.
To an outsider, they may be twins, similar in manerisms, behaviour, likes- dislikes, but as a mother, I know that they are different in all the above. They might fight for the same toy or book from time to time, but their tastes and preferences seem to be different at this stage. I expect their talents and aptitude to be different too. I want them to benefit out of each other's strengths not compete for dominance.
If one can and the other cannot, I want the able one to support and pull the other one in. Not laugh at him and gloat at his own success. I am all for fair competition but not without sharing and caring. It is not about the best man winning but about together we can do better.
I told the counsellor I will check with the ped as per her advice and I will also check the net. But I know that I can judge best despite what the net says or what the doc advices.
Touch Wood!


Minka said...

I think you're right. You can see how well they do in the same class in the pre-school years and then judge for yourself. My hubby's cousin who has twins put them in separate classes in the same school in later years because each one had a different personality and she found having them in one class was leading to the less outgoing kid feeling left out.

Cuckoo said...

I think it is a great idea to keep them together. Atleast then you would be able to see whether their appreciation for subjects and other activities are similar or different and then take a call. I know a set of twins (married and with children now) who were different in every respect, but who studied together all their lives complementing each other, never competing.

The E HomeMaker said...

I wonder why they are bothered in breaking the twins apart. I havent come across a school till the time i was in one, who tried to do that. Wonder whats bothering them. i always wished to have a twin sis while a kid :-(. twins really dont seem to need anyone else. they are good supporters for each other. good that you think likewise too.

Itchingtowrite said...

minka- what bothers me is that such personality differences are there with other kids and each one has to battle it out. if there were 2 dominating kids in one class, will the teachrs pull them out of that section? no, if they are not twins and yes if they are twins? probably they feel the emotional connect prevents the twins from going against each other in a conflict.
cuckoo- that's what i am hoping for! complementing not competing! touche'
ehomemaker- it's a little like sibling support in a school, only thing this time thy are not in differnt classes but in the same one!

Ananya said...

I have two boys of my own though not twins...a year apart!But both of them are individuals in their own right!Each has his own tastes. Just coz ur boys are twins I feel that doesn't make them any different! They are both different individuals!
I know of a pair of twins who were brought up apart as their mom( a college lecturer) couldnt manage both of them together...they are so different!different sets of friends and everything...with regards to bonding...the one who had 2 stay away from his mom always felt he was not loved enough!
I would say your decision 2 have the both of them in the same class in the same school is the best decision ever! Your kids will be wonderful role models to the other kids teaching them to share and care for one another!
the school may have its own reasons!
I am with cukoo....complementing and not competing!
good luck!:)

Inder said...

i put myself in the kids' shoes. i wouldn't mind being with my sibling in the same class in the nursery and primary classes. but when i get older, i would rather prefer my class without my sibling. well, that is just me.....

Itchingtowrite said...

ananya- I also knew a twin who was takn care by her g mom. when I came to know that I found myself wondering whethr she felt less loved! never got round to asking her though. We alsways were clear that we don't want to bring them up separately at any cause! even when somedays I am too hassled & MIl insists she will take on of them to her place, I don't allow that. togther yes but not separately.
Inder- I get what u mean. a little like having a sibling watching over u might result in a- cramping your style sort of situation. Maybe once they are older, I would leave it to them to decide!