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Monday, August 06, 2007

SAHM & WM Conflict

Not another debate here but just a few thoughts that are getting pushed to the forefront and I start wondering should I become an SAHM? I know tomorrow or a few days later I would have shaken all these thought away. I know it. This happens at least once or twice to me during the year.
Early Morning- It feels like shit to wake up in the morning ignoring the 2 pudgy hands or ankles draped across me. It feels yuck to say bye and rush off ignoring the crying at mamma leaving home. What it takes to ignore the sweet bright smile thrown at you and no time to offer cuddles and hugs
Grooming the future citizens- Am I really playing a role in their upbringing? As much as I ought to? Will I be able to proudly proclaim that I have brought up my children on my own without help and as I like? Perhaps not. The credit goes somewhere else. I rationalize saying I am perhaps contributing more by going out and bringing back a pay cheque, which bring more security and stretching room overall in the family. And if I were not getting a pay cheque, hubby would not have been able to risk ditching the job and starting his business which will reap more rewards. I snatch credit for that.
Lazy afternoons- I could do anything to be able to curl up in a corner with a book or go shopping or just sleep. And I do love arranging the cupboard and that sort of housekeeping things. Or just stay hooked to the blogs.
The fact that I am feeling dull and sleepy in office adds to the gloom. Wish I were at home
I can see that there are happy hours between 11 and 4 in the gym where in you get personal trainer at discounted rates. Unfair unfair unfair. And you can see all the homemakers doing their exercises and all the stretches leisurely and then enjoy the juice from the juice shop and have a prolonged gossip session. I see myself looking at the watch and unable to give even 1 extra minute to a particular exercise. For all the hard work I do, life is not being fair.
Rat race- Not the usual kind, that doesn’t affect me any more, I am slowly becoming extremely low on the ambition front. The rat race is the rush hour driving. Wish I could give it up. Wish work started at 11 and ended at 4. Oh but that wouldn’t give me discount at the gym. I guess 12 to 3 was a better option.
I just cannot take a break and be off to a holiday. Think about approvals and day counting and clubbing with given holidays.
**Distress**. Talking like this will not do. Think of the loans, think of the pay cheque, thing of the shopping you do with that, think of all the credit cards you own and thing of the car, anything to survive this phase.

12 comments:

Rohini said...

I go through this every one in a while too...

Just have two things to say.

1. The salary you earn now must be multiples of the gym happy hour savings

2. My mom was a full time working mom all my life and I think I turned out just fine. And I attribute all te good values and behaviours I have to her - not the maids, grandparents or teachers who might have helped her take care of me...

Tharini said...

Aww...don't know what to say to cheer you up....I know all those things you are craving for right now and its really nice to have all of that....I'm sure if you sleep on it...you'll be fine, like u said.

Still searching said...

I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation, but its true that Moms feel guilty about leaving their kids behind at home many times... i know 2 or 3 of my aunts who were working took up jobs that were less demanding on time, with flexi hrs etc.. not sure if u have that option available, but its worth a try..

and when u've decided, pls keep us informed! i'll use the advice when i'm in that situation! :)

Hip Grandma said...

having a job is much more than the pay cheque it brings.But by a job I don't mean the 9 to 5 kind.Anything that engages your attention is fine.Belive me children also want you off their backs and some time oftheir own.Both need to be sane don't they?As for husbands,both my sons in law have had the experience (before kids came along)and prefer to have their wives being busy and engaged.

Asha said...

Hmm.. everything has got its pros and cons and it's such a tough decision, especially when you can afford to stay at home.

Sue said...

Well, this undermines my own position on the subject but -- think of your contribution to your country's economy. You are doing that plus bringing up two kids for it. Most of us only bring up the kids!

Just Like That said...

Ah, Itchy, I wish I had wise words to offer you, but am in the same boat, and sometimes said boat rocks a little too much for my comfort or peace of mind.

But yeah, we do need money for jam, if not bread and butter...

Hang on in there...

Collection Of Stars said...

This happens to you only once or twice a year? It happens to me almost every week :(

Usha said...

Although we haven't met my impression of you is a very dynamic creative person. You are not going to be happy staying at home but you are someone who doesn't have to be stuck in the same kind of job forever but would quickly adapt to anything new. May be when hubby's business picks up and you could become part of it and have flexi hours - how dos that sound?

Itchingtowrite said...

rohini- ha ha trust u to show me the larger picture and heartening to note abt your mom and u

hip grandma- u know u could be right! i am sure the kids may be happy and proud i hope of their mom

sue- awww, u make me feel really good abt it
JLT- that's what keeps me going at times.
usha- that was definitely an idea but software.. hummm... not my cup of tea..and the whole point is ultimately i want to do something that is my calling, have a semi finished post ready on this which i will put up soon... don't want to work just for the sake of working

all - thanks for the good words and support and heartening to note that few others also feel that way abt Working!! i am not the only evil here

WhatsInAName said...

awwww....
That touched a raw nerve!
I go through this too :(

lumi said...

I was raised by a working mom and think I turned out alright.

I am a working mom and have a lovely daughter. I think I am a better mom because of work. I know in my heart that I am not cut out to be a SAHM.

Do a financial analysis and be honest with yourself about it. Are you netting anything from working after expenses attributed to working like transportation, lunches, clothing, day care, housecleaner, etc. Not trying to overstep here...but if you are working to pay debt but continue to either accrue it or keep it at it's current level wouldn't it be better to simplify, scale back, retire the debt and then you wouldn't have to worry about whether you can afford to be a SAHM?