Not another debate here but just a few thoughts that are getting pushed to the forefront and I start wondering should I become an SAHM? I know tomorrow or a few days later I would have shaken all these thought away. I know it. This happens at least once or twice to me during the year.
Early Morning- It feels like shit to wake up in the morning ignoring the 2 pudgy hands or ankles draped across me. It feels yuck to say bye and rush off ignoring the crying at mamma leaving home. What it takes to ignore the sweet bright smile thrown at you and no time to offer cuddles and hugs
Grooming the future citizens- Am I really playing a role in their upbringing? As much as I ought to? Will I be able to proudly proclaim that I have brought up my children on my own without help and as I like? Perhaps not. The credit goes somewhere else. I rationalize saying I am perhaps contributing more by going out and bringing back a pay cheque, which bring more security and stretching room overall in the family. And if I were not getting a pay cheque, hubby would not have been able to risk ditching the job and starting his business which will reap more rewards. I snatch credit for that.
Lazy afternoons- I could do anything to be able to curl up in a corner with a book or go shopping or just sleep. And I do love arranging the cupboard and that sort of housekeeping things. Or just stay hooked to the blogs.
The fact that I am feeling dull and sleepy in office adds to the gloom. Wish I were at home
I can see that there are happy hours between 11 and 4 in the gym where in you get personal trainer at discounted rates. Unfair unfair unfair. And you can see all the homemakers doing their exercises and all the stretches leisurely and then enjoy the juice from the juice shop and have a prolonged gossip session. I see myself looking at the watch and unable to give even 1 extra minute to a particular exercise. For all the hard work I do, life is not being fair.
Rat race- Not the usual kind, that doesn’t affect me any more, I am slowly becoming extremely low on the ambition front. The rat race is the rush hour driving. Wish I could give it up. Wish work started at 11 and ended at 4. Oh but that wouldn’t give me discount at the gym. I guess 12 to 3 was a better option.
I just cannot take a break and be off to a holiday. Think about approvals and day counting and clubbing with given holidays.
**Distress**. Talking like this will not do. Think of the loans, think of the pay cheque, thing of the shopping you do with that, think of all the credit cards you own and thing of the car, anything to survive this phase.