Did I Really Say That?

1. Once upon a time, a couple who were trying for a baby were sitting at the gyneac's room. She looked at the reports and said- looks fine, starting today you should try every alternate day....
She - Try What? "genuinely perplexed"
Doc- ??? Relationship!

2. Her Mom "supposedly / sarcastically exalting the virtues of Mr A"- He used to sleep in his mother's room when his Dad died!
She- Then how did he and his wife have a daughter some 10-11 months after his father's death?

3. She (on phone from Singapore airport, tears streaming down her cheeks)- the flight was 4 hours late and it is past midnight here.

Husband- You are ok naa? Why are you crying?

She- I did not get window seat also.

Husband- So what? What is the real problem now?

She-I had planned to go shopping and that's why I took the early flight and now all that is messed up.

Factual Fiction- Coincidence

She opened the packet of ashirwad Khaman Dhokla Mix. Surprise! 2 packets of Raising agent inside. Some unlucky consumer would buy a pack without the sachet I guess.
Let me save this sachet so that I can make my own dhokla batter.
A few days later...
She opened a packet of khaman dhokla mix.
"Well, I had to be the unlucky consumer"
Out came the reserve sachet so thoughtfully preserved.

Lessons Learnt On This One Trip

1. If you do not tell the company driver that you want to go to the airport, he will take you to the office while you are busy mugging up your presentation
2. If you forgot to take the return boarding pass on landing and then get back to the airport via departure terminal and slip out of the departure unnoticed, then you are a woman
3. If you do 2 above and do not slip out of the departure but get with held inside by the security, then you are a man
4. The Security in that case will ask you to stay back and not get into town, for that important meeting because you have taken your boarding card.
5. If the staff of the airline gets called to sign the register as a special case the Security will let you out after dire warnings
6. Incase the taxi driver taking you to the client place switches the A/C off after a few minutes of driving, and rolls the window down, do not assume he is doing it to ventilate the hot air out. It means he has suddenly remembered it is a non A/C booking.
7. Even if the car is booked in your name and you assure him you will sign it as A/C car and there is no problem in the spot change (you are a senior official after all), he will cross check with his company and the admin pointedly in front of you
8. Some people will always give priority to lunch ***censored***
9. In the client team of 25 people, 50% will not open their mouth because they are technical, the balance 50% are marketing and they will talk everything else except the marketing concept and positioning.
10. So the lesson is never make a combined presentation to technical and marketing
11. The person(s) who according to you score the maximum marks for class participation are most insignificant from a strategic point of view.
12. If you book the later flight, your meeting gets over very fast and vice versa. And if you have less waiting time at the airport, you have an interesting book with you. And if you have more waiting time, you either do not have a book, or an internet connection that acts up every few seconds.
13. Lounge cards prevent you from going overboard in eating from every available counter.
14. Your cab driver will not know Hindi but the moment you ask him to go for the day (unexpectedly) he will understand perfectly wel
15. You will NEVER get a car with FM / radio fitted into it. It is always someone else who gets it.
16. Banjara is a nice place despite the space shortage- The buffet here is at Rs 250 and the tandoori chicken with an external masala coating is toppers I am told (yet to try)
17. And finally, Bangalore Airport Rocks!

Biology Lessons

Sister- Try to teach Human Body using the Biology text book- this is Vas Deferens
Also called- looking at the pencilled text above the printed label "Vas" and at the same time trying to juggle her memory on Biology basics- Chaminda (imagining that the teacher would have told in class the alternate terminology for Vas Deferens)
Brother- giggling - Didi, Teacher did not tell us the alternate term, I meant the cricketer Chaminda Vas

Another Set of Whys

I am doing this soul cleansing tag... Yay! Thanks MM for the brilliant tag

1. Why is it ok for you to buy watches, laptops, cars, mobiles any number of times but not ok for me to desire a beautiful house?
2. Why is it ok for you to want to honour a promise to a third person at the cost of your family's liking but not ok for me to demand that my husband honours his promise to me?
3. Why is it ok for you to like your mother's food but not ok for my sons to prefer their mother's food?
4. Why is it ok for you to relax on your weekend but not ok for me to want some space during my weekend?
5. Why is it ok for you to waste food by making excess and serving to the neighbours and not ok for me to make just right quantities?
6. Why is it ok for you to reach office after 10 but not ok for me to reach just 5 minutes after you?
7. Why is it ok for you to get a car as your bonus but not ok for me to demand a better cash bonus?
8. Why is it ok for you to do numerous foreign tours but not ok for me to do a local trip to Delhi (my shopping paradise! ha) ?
9. Why is it ok for you to diss North Indians and not ok for me to call South Indians as Madrasi?
10. Why is it ok for you to park your car in the wrong place, blocking the play area but not ok for me to park the car in the wrong place not disturbing anybody?
11. Why is it ok for you to convert your balcony into an additional room causing a violation but not ok for me to make a grill blocking a small area not used by anyone but me?
12. Why is it ok for you to grow a tree in your garden space causing disturbance to the upper floors, but not ok for me to let a few weeds grow in my garden?
13. Why is it ok for you to browse and chat on the net but not ok for me to blog?
14. Why is it ok for you to maintain a messy home but not ok for me to not want to sweep if the maid does not turn up for a day or even otherwise?
15. Why is it ok for you to dye your hair an ugly shade of black but not ok for me to get my hair cut in a different style?
16. Why is it ok for you to dash the car but not ok for me to be a lousy driver?
17. Why is it ok for you to not call my parents anytime but not ok for me to not call your parents when I am travelling? (person- some)
18. Why is it ok for you to never call my parents but not ok for me to not call your parents when I am travelling to your city? (persons- rest)
19. Why is it ok for you to skip quite a few rituals from your side but not ok for me to skip the few rituals that involves "giving money or taking money from all and sundry" in my wedding?
20. Why is it ok for you to not want to spend money because you are the boy's side but not ok for me to control the expenses because I am on the girl's side?
21. Why is it ok for you to crib about the fact that photographs of a few rituals were not taken but not ok for me to crib that calling the photographer again would have meant that I incur the extra charges?
22. Why is it ok for you to not celebrate some festivals celebrated all over the country but not ok for me to say that I don't believe in some of your rituals?
23. Why is it ok for you to not cut hair on Fridays but not ok for me to not cut hair on Saturdays?
24. Why is it ok for you to comment on my not wearing the signs of marriage but not ok for me to comment on the dynamics of your marriage?
25. Why is it ok for you to follow the customs prevailing in your maternal home in your husband's house but not ok for me to not want to give up my customs after marriage?
26. Why is it ok for you to comment on how I do not live with my ILs living in the same city but not ok for me to comment on how you live in a different country altogether and make a flying visit only once a year?
27. Why is it ok for you to comment on everyone's weight but not ok for me to point fingers at the eating habits of the members of your family?
28. Why is it crystal clear to you why other DILs are having problems with her ILs but completely hazy when it comes to your own family (this is for all men!!)?
29. Why are you so understanding about other's problems but clueless when it comes to your own?
30. Why are you so good in HR & PR in your workplace and mess up horribly in your personal life?
31. Why is it ok for you to comment on my over usage of diapers and harming the environment but not ok for me to comment on the water wastage and detergent pollution that your dirty nappies cause? To each their own right! Even though I have been a cloth diapering Mamma!
32. Why is it ok for you to comment on my naughty children in the train/ aircraft but not ok for me to object if you mess up the compartment with your snacks?
33. Why is it ok for you to joke on the number of times my kids cry but not ok for me to object when your grown up kids damage a parked car?

"Household" Hints...

...For Smart Moms
1. Very often one will find their plastic mop handle broken (by the earnest kids) while the mop itself will be in good condition. Do not throw away the mop. Reserve it for the times when the kids want to play "mopping the house" and give it to them instead of the adult size new one.
Same goes with old brooms. They are shorter and more handy for kids to "clean" the floor.
2. If your kid wants to make rotis- do not give them the flour just in case you don't want your home to be messed up. Give them tiny cooked rotis and if possible their own mini chakla-belan and ask them to (re)make the rotis. This method is less messy and the kids could eat their rotis also. Or else try the play-doh.
3. Ensure that you use specific vessels for specific cooking - like a particular pan for eggs or a particular spoon for dosa or parathas or bowls for kids. That way you can just tell your kid you are making egg and (s)he will pick out the right vessel correctly (unlike your husband or anyone else) and hand it over to you in a jiffy.
4. Do not buy duster for your kid's slate. Use their old-T-shirts.
5. No need to buy books for teaching them various transport vehicles- any old magazine will do. You could teach them the various models too which is not possible if you buy a simple kiddie book.
6. Try to buy as many products that give a free plastic box. They are great for storing puzzle pieces. I favour Baggry's oats, Parle cheeselings. You could also visit all (South) Indians homes who invite you for Golu etc- many of them give plastic boxes as takeaways and they could be put to good use as discussed.

7. Reserve your plastic cake knife that comes complementary with some "birthday" cakes- they come handy when your kid insists that (s)he needs a knife to play with.
8. Odd jobs like putting the fresh milk packets in the fridge, opening the main door when someone rings the bell, watering the plants, keeping plates in the basin or clothes in the washing machine can be easily delegated to the kids.
9. Especially for twins or siblings of similar age, bath times can be made faster if you have additional mugs. Just soap one kid and while you are soaping the other kid, make the first one to wash off by him/herself. Or sometimes they could wash off each other while you get other stuff like towels, clothes etc ready.
10. And the most profitable one- incase you need a massage, do not spend money- ask your kids to jump on your back. And incase you need to work out your abs- just lie on the bed/ mattress, fold your knees and prop the kid on your feet. Do the ab crunches with them on your feet- a multipurpose exercise cum play routine that benefits you and your kid. If you want to increase the weights- just have both of them on your feet together.

Forgotten Pleasures

Bubble Making
In our days it was a glass of detergent (Rin) and water lathered up with a (paper) straw/cone to make the bubbles.
I always turned a scornful eye towards the readymade bubble kit. Who buys that rubbish if you can just make at home.
Until yesterday when a neighbour presented a bubble kit to me for the kids. Oh, the fun we had. The advantage of this bubble maker being the soapy water doesn't enter the mouth by mistake if one sips in rather than blow out if using a straw.
At first it was just me/ hubby doing and the kids catching the bubbles. Slowly Ojas & Tejas wormed their hands into the bubble tube and started merrily blowing away and chasing the bubbles, catching them in their hands and giggling away.
But then I was too bored just holding the soap kit and decided that it was my turn now. So I stood up and blew bubbles of various dimensions and in various numbers and asked them to keep them afloat.
And Ojas discovered that he likes to gobble up the bubble so he was following them with open mouth! Uggh
Tejas discovered that he could blow the bubble and then catch it back on the bubble maker and blow it out again!
And did you know, some bubbles bounce also? Mine did, on the granite top.

Sigh! May the bubble never burst!
Few Links on Bubble Making
Bubble Town
Big Bubble
Bubble Activities

The Why Approach

1. Why does it sound crystal clear to me when Ojas & Tejas speak whereas everybody else fail to understand their language?
2. Why do the kids start their tantrum the moment I get back from work and waste precious moments which could have been spent working on something fun?
3. Why are my kids silent when the resident bully hits them whereas they are quick to take revenge which each other? And how come the non-violent me gets back home to scold them- next time hit him back rather than crying?
4. Why do they think playing "catch" with my book is a good idea?
5. Why do they find something to throw a tantrum for each morning- alternate days though- if one day Ojas throws a tantrum, then next day Tejas does it.
6. Why can they eat everything else properly but not their normal meal?
7. Why do they only like Milk Bikis or Hide n Seek and not the delicious Multigrain biscuit?
8. Why do they come back home with their tiffin boxes hardly eaten but gulp down the contents the moment they get back home?
9. Why do they always say that "A" in their class fights & why do they always bring back hankies and tiffin boxes that belong to "S' (so they say)?
10. Why do they have to take such a long time to sleep in the night while my next door neighbour has to just lock the kids in their room and they sleep within 5 minutes? Why is life not fair?

Embarassing them for Life

There is a lot more you can do with (new) Lingerie...
Substitute them for a tie
Wear them on the head

Wear them.

Put them on the parents heads

Allocate fairly to each other by colour and pattern and play with them

Make Mamma wear them when she is blissfully asleep.

Evoking Creativity

The school scene has improved now- in terms of Ojas & Tejas actually missing school when they have to give it a miss due to illness. They are reciting poems that have been taught, the prayer that is done every morning and discussing shapes like circle & triangle - one thing that I never taught them.
They bring home library books every weekend and while some of them are new ones many of them are copies of what they already have at home. Now what do I tell my Hubby who suspects that the teacher sends books home so that our kids may spoil them and then we have to cough up a fine for them!
The swimming classes have started - once a week and there have been a few outbound trips like beach house, farm house etc.
They have started Hindi lessons from this month (yay) and to encourage practise at home, I am going to pick up the Hindi puzzle boards.
Each month beginning the parents are given a sheet of paper outlining the lesson plan for the month.
There are a lot of paper craft/ painting activities done- I am glad because this is one thing I am unable to do due to lack of my own creativity and patience, much as I plan to try my best.
They have had special days like-
Beach Day- they had to go to school in beach wear- Dalmatian Day- They had to dress up as a dalmatian- I assumed it was more of concept rather than looks so I bought a cheap t- shirt which coincidentally had a pattern of rows of dogs and patiently pasted 12 packs of black bindis on them- Well, my only regret is that I should have asked them to paste the bindis but I lacked the patience and time to involve them. But I made it up by allowing them to detach the bindis from the T-shirt and stick it on a paper and earned a look of - "very smart, give us the dirty work."

And just as I finished gloating over my success at managing the dalmatian job easily and cheaply I get another note- this time to dress them as a dog and a cow for an animal farm song. Now this had to be as realistic as possible. So first I downloaded pictures of animal masks from child craft. Then I thought of painting a t shirt like a cow & a dog in patches of black or brown. But then gave up the idea and settled for a painting of the mask on a cloth and attaching on the front of the T-shirt. Thankfully Grandma volunteered to do the art work and the job was taken away from my klutzy hands.

And they also go dressed up in 2 of the colours of the flag