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Friday, October 30, 2009

10 Commandments of Parenting?

Copy Paste from Kiran
1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It's a much better response, and you're teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.
doesn't work- I need to chase them with faux nose boogie or fake fart in their face

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it's surprising how little respect we giveto kids, because they're kids.
agree - often feel I take advantage of their size and bully them

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopesof the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that's not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steerthe child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hard-working child — but that's not who the child is. Drop these expectations and celebrate the child, as she is.
offcourse I often imagine myself crying bucketful of emo-tears in a sa-re-ga-ma-pa kids

4. Let her play, let her explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow the kid to be a kid. Let her run around outside, ride a bike, explorenature. Teach her, of course, about safety and dangers, but let her be a kid.
Need I say anything?

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent. Stop trying to control the child and give him some freedom. That doesn't mean you can say yes all the time, but it does mean you can say "Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I'm done with what I have to do now."

I mean what I say and I say what I mean- old wonderland saying...they pretty much can catch my yes-mood or no-mood and they know what exactly they should be doing on the sly as Mamma is surely not going to agree. The advantage of being a team of two is that one stalls me en route discovery of the mischief while the other carries on happily with the mischief
6. Stop trying to overeducate and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge to the kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore and read and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he's excited about something, he'll learn. When you force it on him, he'll do what he's forced to do, but not learn much other than you're controlling.
But I like doing I will. (it's about me me me). But the child did floor me saying he is thinking (I did not teach that word)
7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don't worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you've broken a trust, and move on.
I just want them to know that I have clay feet- when I have a bad day- just get out of the way and be good

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child's perspective. If you get angry, it's because you're only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won't be mad at the child. You'll try to make things better for her.
so tell me, what will you do with so many toys under the pillow or in the car, why is it important for me to velcro the umbrella while I am driving, why should the visitor ring the bell twice- so that each one gets to open the door, why don't you ask Tejas directly what he said rather than expect me to tell you.. i am trying to figure out, I really am....

9. If the kid is "acting up", try to figure out why and meet that need. Often it's a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Figure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.
If only they talk without crying or screaming- but yes, patient questioning does help one figure out
But threatening them with fake bug/ plastic lizard/ old man who takes teeth away when they cry and rats you think the stomach is a toilet as there is no food in that and therefore shit there... works
10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don't need to change him. You don't need to mold him into the perfect person. He's already perfect, just as he is.

Perfect they may be, but still they are my clay to mould too!!! I need to put my nose into it. Compulsively

1 comment:

Nagesh.MVS said...

Ur 10 points r very intersting.
I love all the 10 points.Thanks for this post.These r very useful.
Thanks fro sharing.
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