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Monday, May 05, 2008

Married Yet Single

Give me marriage and I give you the trappings of being married yet single.
Tell me that marriage halves your load by giving you someone to share it with you and I will give you a situation where you double your load because the numerator doubles and the denominator remains the same.
I am talking of a marriage where the spouse is always traveling or working or on different shift or posted elsewhere or a victim of the energy saving scheme wherein the companies have to choose alternate weekends and the spouses’ weekends do not coincide.
I am told that marriage gives you someone to
Share your morning coffee- we don’t technically drink “morning coffee” but I do miss having a morning ritual of sitting together enjoying a light chat over a cup of (cold) coffee, newspapers etc- we wake up as per different time-zones, I am always late to wake up, perennially in a rush to prepare breakfast, get ready and go and the husband is always on the phone or the worst of all fates- glued to the TV. Or at the gym. Or in some meeting.
Share your work load- with an offsite husband I am the one doing all the shopping, home management, writing the cheques, taking the kids to the doc, buying their stuff. It becomes a real chore after a while, this supply replenishment.
Talk & Laugh with- There is an absolute lack of adult conversation in my home. Correction- there is no conversation at home.
Accompany on Social Calls- My periodic trips to Gurgaon where I have a host of like minded adults to chat with really keep me going or else I will go crazy. We have no like minded people with whom we could spend an evening; camp out in one another’s home or party during the weekend. I more often than not miss most of the parties, like the one I missed last weekend in Gurgaon because there is nobody to accompany me with the kids- even the sensible airline do not have the option of 1 adult & 2 infants on their ticket booking program. A few blog meets and odd lunch with friend keep me going otherwise.
Look forward to every evening when you go back home- There is no “waiting for husband daily” routine at home. I really do not mind a busy spouse as long as he or she comes home everyday. This offsite marriage is what irks me.
Edited- 1st scheduled post done!


aargee said...

I really understand. Inspite of hubby being home ( in the sense - no outstation trips) its the same story. Somehow i hate Tvs, newspapers, cricket matches and laptops for the same reason. And lack of conversation - very true... I keep trying to change that scenario everytime, and things seem a li'l better for some days. But again it comes back to square one. Anyway... *hugs* take care...

Itchingtowrite said...

aargee- true, i hate them too- but only as long as he is using them. not when i am using !!! . but u know we can multitask- we can watch TV and work on the laptop and still carry on a conversation or

Minka said...

oh yeah , I hear you !!! I am itching to flush the mobile phone and TV remote down the drain . And you have to be kidding about wanting to wait for the husband at night , right ? It's the most nerve-wracking thing- specially knowing you have to be up at 5 AM the next day while he'll still be snoring in bed.

anyway , chin up. I think a few days of house husbanding may give him insight into everything you do to keep things afloat.

Mama - Mia said...

awwwww! i can imagine how it is!

i have had a taste of it for two days (working over the weekend at home!!)and already fought with him twice!! :(

am sure things will get better sooooon! :)


ps: hats off to you!!

Chaitali said...

Even without kids I feel like that some times. The conversation just gets killed because of cricket, football, F1...the list is endless.
But its just a phase...

Anonymous said...

I empathise with you... but usually (thanks to no kids yet) the weekend ends up being a dump-day sometimes when I refuse to clean up. Also, i feel like like shooting Lalit Modi sometimes, though I have learnt a lot of cricket and football jargon these days!

Btw, you still in Chennai or moving over to Gurgaon?

Hang in there. Do you want to evaluate a cleaning service two weekends a month? (They typically charge about 1000 bucks each visit)And revisit the phone book, and catch up with the really old acquaitances that you may have missed out in the last few years. Just suggestions... and I understand!
- Cuckoo

Rohini said...

I have one word for you - DITTO!

Even though the husband is not on an offsite job, but between my job and his, we are lucky if we spend more than two nights in a row together (especially since we plan our travel on separate days so that one of us with the Brat)... and when he is here, most of the 'work' at home is still all firmly in my domain...

david santos said...

I can imagine how it is, BUT....

SUR NOTES said...

what was that you said about no adult conversation? for some reason i can feel my head go nod nod nod...

Itchingtowrite said...

minka- talk abt it- cricket takes precdence ovr everything else

mama mia- oh i hate working at wekends. as if family is less imp / intresting than work- i believeit to be the biggest investmnt

chaitali- earlier there used to be a cricket season, footballs season etc. now all seasons are cricket so when will the phas end

cuckoo- ghee shakkar in your mouth. I nurse a secret dream of hubby getting this divine inspiration of moving to delhi or gurgaon. i think i should really evaluate that claning service- my windows cannot be touched by human hands- they are so filthy- but again supervising them would become my bloody job.

rohini- somtimes i wish i should just refuse to do any "work" but i myself cannot stand sitting around while the house is in a mess

david- thanks - u too

sur-yay to more blog meets & google grps - atlast that ensures adult conversation

Aparna Kar said...

Hmm. Now I'll have to think twice before I get married. And I guess my guy is right after all- when he says it is essential to be together when we get married. Sadly, that isn't always possible. Kudos to you though - managing everything all by yourself can be difficult