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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Support System Please Support

1. I have embarked on the endeavour to deprive Ojas & Tejas of their bottle. Let me not come back home and see used and washed feeding bottles. The evening bottle is the easiest to give up as it is easily substituteable by a milk based food. And no, they will not get weaker. Don't force me to give them their bottle early morning if they are not awake. Feed their cereal right after they wake up rather than stuffing them with their bottle.
2. Keep their potty right in front of them the entire day so that they remove their shorts and sit on it whenever needed. Tejas does that and he needs to be encouraged. Since you were soft on Ojas who protested every time he was made to sit on the potty, today he has managed to psychologically constipate himself on the weekends when I make him sit on his potty.
3. When they try to tear off their books or stand on them, stop them rather than watch them lovingly. Also remove slippers from the scene as they manage to step on the toys or the books - even though you don't use them inside the bathroom or outside the house. I want to send good signals to the kids.
4. I would greatly appreciate if food was not cooked in excess. I do hate wastage of food. I could come back home and cook fresh rather than give the afternoon food at night.
5. I am sure they would like it better if they are not made to wear tight clothes with doubtful blend of fibre since you bought them- I love to see them not sweating out while playing.
6. A baby cologne does not help when they hit their head. No extra chemicals on their skin please.
7. Food need not be cooked the same way everyday. If I make a variation, please don't re modify it to make it like everyday's recipe. May I please give them rotis just this once rather than rice based stuff? I could be allowed to decide sometimes.
8. It is not absolutely compulsory to give non veg everyday along with their food. I think vegetarians are also healthy and brainy.
9. I am not present when they wake up. I would really be at peace if their teeth are brushed atleast when they are having their bath.
Some people may read this and say-how churlish, how ungrateful. Why don't she sit at home and bring her kids up if she has so much of a problem.
It breaks my heart to be strict with the kids but it is for their good I am doing it.
It hurts when I have to argue my case out for every little thing. The cologne thing took 1 year and 11 months to settle. Ultimately I comply in most cases because I am indebted. I am not there to see what is going on in my absence so it doesn't help making rules that would be broken. It's tough, I know, to bring up 2 handfuls and I can't blame anyone for taking the easy way or emotional way out. Ideally they are my kids and my responsibility but the entire arrangement of me going back to work is part of the larger picture. Afterall, if I were not working, the kitchen fire would not be burning today with hubby and his brother both quitting jobs to start the business. The home would not have been bought and the EMIs would not be getting paid off. Shallow it may seem, talking of brick and mortar rather than people but that is our decision and don't make me regret it by asserting yourself or lauding the help I am getting because I want to keep my job.
Grateful & Regretful
ps- remove post when things get better


Rohini said...

My first instinct was to leave a comment along the lines of 'atleast you have a support system' but then I thought about what you said and I so get it. Even a week's visit can create chaos in my life when my rules are broken at will and without a thought - it surely can't be easy to live with that everyday...

Sue said...

That is what V and I have been at loggerheads over. For the last three weeks I've been out a lot, and I find that V forgets to change diapers promptly, to buy the fresh fruits by himself, to make sure The Bhablet wears pajamas in this damp weather... you know what I'm talking about. The potty training start has been completely sidelined.

It's so annoying. Was I taking all this trouble for my own enjoyment? Just because I have so much free time on my hands??

Sorry, I just meant to tell you that I understand and ended up venting instead. Oh well. At least you know I understand.

Fuzzylogic said...

It's hard when you have to put your foot down and set the ground rules and they get broken down regarding your kids. I faced similar issues when I was in India and since it was short period I did try not to come across rude to the loving grandparents and relatives. I can understand how hard it must be for you though. Itchy,hang in there and I do hope you can work out some solution to the problem.

Minka said...

Here, let me give you a BIG hug ! There , I know how you feel . Coz I used to feel just like that and you have twice the reason to feel that. But what works for me is sitting the MIL down and asking her what we should do - and this hard for me to do since I am really a bulldozer at heart ! There I have said it . Slowly and subtly, I have made it known that rubbing haldi and sandalwood ( on my baby boy ! shudder! However metrosexual that may be , I am not ready for that ! ) is hardly as important as cutting his nails and brushing his teeth twice a day. And learning to eat a sandwich and chinese fried rice is just am important as eating rasam/sambar rice. So sometimes my gestures on cooking a chinese fried rice for my son when there is already sambar for dinner is taken amiss. So what ! Did I mention bulldozer ( and selective deafness !) ?

Timepass said...

Managing twins, a house and a job and you blog frequently too!! Hats off to you...I salute you and all supermoms!!!

Suki said...

good luck, Itchy. Take care. Feel for you.

Collection Of Stars said...

I understand very very much. Hope things get better for you soon :)

Krishnapriyacr said...

Oh I relate to you. Things were this way till I managed to get my in laws away from the scene. Now I work odd hours, being with the kids most of the time in the mornings, working late into the night after hubby is home (but full time!), and between the maid and me, there is no doubt who is in command. Life is soooo much more peaceful and managable without dependence on 'family'!! You might not agree with me, but its worked out great for me so far!!!

Poppins said...

Yep yep Nodding my head all the way !

WhatsInAName said...

It almost felt that maybe I had written it some time!
With time, I have actually given up. I pray that you have the patience to see your wish list get implemented.

lumi said...

Hang in there and I totally agree with your rules. I suppose I was lucky because my mom was a pretty no-nonsense parent who promoted good behavior in any situation. I followed suit and have a very well turned out 14 year old now but it's rooted in the early years. You are the parent, you gave birth to them, and you should make the decisions for them. I know it's different in India and your parents take it as an offense if you want to do something differently, but keep on sister!