I was told to keep a stick handy, to be used by hubby & me only to discipline the kids.
While I really do not appreciate the use of stick, the faulty logic surprised me. The entire day we are not at home so the kids get disciplined only when we are present. Rest of the time, can they cross the boundries?
Physical punishment will leave its mark on the impressionable minds. I don't want their memories be marred with episodes of punishment involving the stick and their parents.
To me discipline is a round-the clock thing. I can't be discilpined in the morning and indisciplined by nightfall. It is something that is inbuilt and instilled as a part of the system. Needs patience and anyone in contact with the child should ensure that the interaction is within the limits of acceptable disciplined behavior.
When I think of those times when I lose control and scream on the kids or give them a smack, I feel it is done more out of frustration than anger at the kids. Frustration at being unable to control and reason out with them. It is my failure than the kids' failure that causes me to attack by words or hand.
The stick does not matter as much as the association and the accompanied expectation of instilling fear in the child. Why should a child be taught to be scared of his parents. If he cannot open up to his own parents, he will find a confidante outside the home and the advice may not be really inline with the family's sentiments and rules. I have nothing against external confidantes but i would like it if my kids are close to atleast my husband or me when they want to discuss their problems. I would like my kids to be fearless and be able to expect a fair hearing on every interaction from us rather than use external props to force us to go by their line of thought.
1. So what do the parents say? Spare the rod? Or otherwise? Why?
2. Can one just keep a cane and use it on rare occassions even if it is not a regular feature? Old school of thought was to use it- both at home and school but today authorities view it very strongly. By just keeping a disciplinary tool handy are we insulting the kids and affecting them wrongly?
3. If there is any expert out there reading my post- Does beating/ caning cause psychological damage, insecurity, low confidence levels/ self esteem in the adult?