Sister

Suspense, medical mystery, tear jerker, emotional - these are the words that come to my mind as I type out my thoughts, fresh after reading the book- a marathon read, seems to be endless. Starts at a slow pace, at one point it doesn't seem to move forward. Beatrice is trying to resolve the case of her sister Tess' suicide. everyone has accepted that it was a suicide- she was suffering from acute depression, was hallucinating and suicidal. But Beatrice, who has known her sister better than anybody else, is sure that her sister, who has seen death up close and personal when her brother Leo died of cystic fibrosis, will never take her own life- she respects the gift of life. Beatrice embarks on the dangerous mission to trace the facts that lead to her sister's death. At first she seemed to be heading nowhere. Nobody believes her. Nobody accepts her theories and she takes the little that William, her sister's doctor offers to her in the form of support to her mission. As the book progresses, beatrice seems to be hotting on the trail of the killer and she is just about to close on to the case when there comes a horrific twist to the plot. At this point, I am tempted to add spoliers but I would just say that the ending worked for me very well. The author intends to end it on a positive note and I also believe it ends positively. However, do not attempt to go to the end and read it first- as I did - you might think otherwise. You need to go through the motions of reading the entire book before you take your decision.

Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas

Madhuri Banarjee explores the world of Kaveri, who is celebrating her 30th birthday- a typical modern career girl living on her own - one who is still single and unattached and in desperate need to find a partner or atleast lose her virginity. Join her in her journey, as she flits from one ideal man to the next, exploring her own sensuality, and even getting badly hurt in love- all within a year of her resolve. And there is Aditi, the perfect foil to Kaveri who is her self appointed consulted in her mission. One who is an expert in this field and ultimately, gives the readers a surprise. If you are the type who loves a good chicklit, go on, I urge you to pick a copy. Also read here another review - a more enhanced one that I did. This book is a part of Penguin's Metro Reads series- a very interesting series judging by the 2 books I have read already. I am eager to see more of these

The Wandering Falcon

Explore the forbidden lands of Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran via Jamil Ahmad's Wanderign Falcon or Tor Baz which is also the name of the protagonist- a little boy who is born to parents who are on the run, to save their lives from their tribe. The fates take Tor Baz from one benefactor to the next, thereby moving the story forward. Tor Baz links the stories of the various tribes of these lands, their socio cultural intricacies and at the same time depicts that whatever may be the equation there, life moves on in this pre Taliban lands. These short stories carry the local flavour, evident that the author has an inside view of them. I loved the last story- it gave so many possibilities that one can sense that life moves on for Tor Baz- perhaps there is a feeling that he will no longer be teh wanderign falcon but is ready to settle? Read here a more detailed review. I recommend this as a must read. Publishing House- Penguin

Trying for Size

Mamma- whose shirt is this? yours or Dadda's?
Tejas picks up t he shirt, shakes it open and holds it against himself. Looks at it critically and says- Dadda's!!


Me clearing my shelf- I come across a silk top smallish looking and wonder- whose is this?
I look at the size- S- definitely cannot be mine

I happen to see the age- 3-4 years
The penny drops

Anything for the Son?

Tejas- Mamma, why are you making same same food everyday? everyday only roti, dosa. Kuch different do. Husband- very good, now you will do something. So many years when I was saying, you never bothered.




Me to Husband- why don't you dry the bathroom with the "wiping equipment" before coming out after the bath As if on cue Tejas - after I washed my feet and came out without doing the customary floor wipe- Mamma, why are you keeping the bathroom wet wet ?

I Remember You

Harriet Evans' mega chicklit I Remember You is a typical "girl and boy are childhood buddies" story. Of course everyone knows they will end up as lovers but do they? In the usual straightforward fashion or is there a promise of twists and turns, roadblocks and issues. Meanwhile, there is another battle going on in the town. Are Tess and Adam, the protagonists as much caught up in this battle or do they have their own private battles to tackle? And where does the cranky old lady fit in the picture? Why does one feel a certain kinship with her even though she is how she is? It is a really long story for a chicklit. There are moments that are funny but it is largely a story with lots of seriousness. Intensity. There is conflicting emotions for Adam the hero- sometimes one wants to shake him up and tell him- be a man. Sometimes one wants to tell Tess, he is not good enough for you. And sometimes one agrees with the cranky lady- a shopping centre will bring more life to the city and create more opportunities for the residents than the heritage water meadow. So read on and see whom you agree with and what happens in the end. Also hop over to flashnewstoday for another review.

CSAAM April 2011- Education- The First Step to Prevent Abuse

A pertinent question I often ask myself is – how do I make a child understand prevention of abuse unless the child understands what exactly is sexual abuse?

Isn’t education the first step that should be taken before one delves deeper into the other facets of abuse? A very common topic among the women in I know is the questions that are coming from children- especially the girls.

- What are periods?

How does one get a baby?

- What is sex?

- Do we get a baby if we have sex?

We also wonder about the four letter abuses that flow freely especially among boys and a recent episode of an older child introducing a younger child to porn on the net. The mothers are mostly wondering how to make their daughters aware of the above questions without making it crass or scary or shocking or putting them off the entire concept. Also there is this matter of the dangers of older children giving a skewed or wrong perception to the younger children.

Sexual education in totality is a must. In my time it happened in class 10, but without prior and clear understanding to either us or the parents on what to expect out of the ‘residential seminar’ that was to happen in our final year at school. Most of us were, well, shocked and disbelieving. I would like to add it was all done very decently and in a matter of fact manner but at the same time, it was unexpected. Most of us had in fact never dwelled on the aspect of the process of sex until that time.

Then was different, and now, the age of understanding, conjecture and awareness has lowered. Which is why, it is even more important to have a step by step approach towards building awareness among children- boys & girls alike. But the difficult part is how does one approach the whole dreaded thing that hangs like a big cloud over us- the parents? I put together my thoughts that I gather from various reading I do and discussions that happen.

The basic premise is to start early and make the contents age appropriate as the child grows up.

Understanding the body parts- the names of different parts without euphemizing them.

Touch / Not Touch- teach the child on what parts can be touched and what cannot. A very simplistic presentation that teaches good, ok and bad touches linked here .

And another one that elaborates further.

I liked the approach used in this article to teach about various kinds of touches- http://www.goodtouchbadtouch.com/child-safety-at-home/talking-to-a-child-about-abuse "When teaching your child about sexual abuse, talk about 3 different types of touch: good touch, bad touch and sexual abuse touch. "Good touches" are those touches that make us feel happy, safe and loved and make us feel like a smile. Emphasize that most of the touch we get is good touch.

"Bad touches" are those touches that hurt us; they feel like an ouch. Some examples are kicking, hitting and .

"Sexual abuse touch" is defined as "forced or tricked touch of private body parts." The key words are forced and tricked. A force is when someone makes you do something you don't want to do or don't understand. A trick is when someone lies to you, fools you, pretends or calls something a game, that really isn't a game, so they can touch your private body parts or have you touch theirs. Explain that sexual abuse is confusing because it doesn't necessarily hurt; the touch can feel good. And that is confusing to children. Use the words "sexual abuse" to eliminate unnecessary confusion."

Keeping lines of communication on sexual education open- Rather than stopping at good/ bad touch, it is important that parents keep the communication lines open as the children grow. Make contents of sexual education age appropriate. And encourage kids to talk to parents rather than seek half baked knowledge from friends. A comprehensive article on sex education linked here- http://www.avert.org/sex-education.htm.

I would specifically emphasize the following from this article in terms of contents

a) Sexual development & reproduction- the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception, as well as sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.

b)Contraception & birth control - what contraceptives there are, how they work, how people use them, how they decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained.

c)Relationships- what kinds of relationships there are, love and commitment, marriage and partnership and the law relating to sexual behaviour and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex and sexuality and sexual diversity.

Beware of “don’t tell anyone”- Fear or shame make kids hide stuff from parents. At all times, parents should train or program their kids to talk to parents if something or someone made them uncomfortable and especially if they have been told - don’t tell anyone or I will….Parents should take active interest in the child’s life, friend circle, books they read, sites they surf and overall- what are they discussing about these days.

Prevention Better than Cure- As a parent, we need to be vigilant. Never leave kids unattended in taxis, or send them alone with the servant/ driver. Apart from that, we also need to remember that most often, abuse happens by people well known to the children and parents. There are cases of relatives or friends calling home when they are fully aware that the child is alone. Parents have to find a way to ensure safety of latchkey kids. Use technology, use self checks- call home frequently, and make sure your circle knows that you are a vigilant parent.

Believe in the child- Most important to establish trust and be on the child’s side when he or she reports anything to you.

Hop over to http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/ to read more contributions

World Cup Enthusiasts

Even though they were not really watching the match but doing sundry other things, this gang of 4 were all set in the spirit of the game with their own India T shirts.

I should add, the dads were no better- except that they did watch the match on the huge screen put up in the complex for community viewing.

The community comprised the kids and a few enthusiastic ladies and gents- a small few as usual, or rather the usual few as usual!

I must add that I missed the grand finale because the kids chose that very moment to want to sleep and I spent a while hearing cheers after cheers trying to make the kids sleep, until I was awakened from slumber by a voice in the dark- what is that sound Mamma- I woke up to the fireworks and realized that the cup had come home.

Cheers!

Little Graduates

Swimming Day at School

The last 3 years I have been most curious to know what exactly they do in swimming classes at school.

The last couple of days I have seen just that. The school invited the parents to see what the kids have learnt.

While some kids needed the assistance of the swimming coach to traverse the 3 feet or so deep pool, many children did so without help, with the aid of the arm floats.

Some kids were really professional, diving through hoops and all. A result of additional coaching.

Skinny Tejas was ignoring us in the audience and doing his own thing- just treading water and in the baby pool after the mandatory one lap of the big pool was done. The teacher assured me that perhaps it was just one of the days when he doesn't want to get inside the water. The leg strokes were correct and he didn't seem scared of the water.

Ojas was sitting waiting for his turn, licking the water using his fingers from time to time and tried to escape notice by sitting among the kids who had already finished their lap. Ojas was most conscious and therefore nervous as he neared the audience side.His technique was right but he was swimming in the baby pool only on his own