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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Dream Girl

2 nights ago I dreamt that I am pregnant again. I remember being horrified- in my dream. My prime worry being that I had consumed a lot of papaya and pineapple since I was unaware of that fact and more important, I was due to join the gym starting Feb. All this meant I could not gym for another year at least and thereby postponement of weight loss and body toning- in the light of the discussion of the toned figures of Ash & Bips in Dhoom 2 (aside, to myself- High Hopes). I also found myself hoping for a baby girl this time around at least.

In spite of the horrors in my dream, the feeling next day was not entirely relief and concern had it truly been the case. In fact the feeling was quite a happy one. The kind you get after seeing a really nice holiday or a promotion or even a good fight in the dream. [This post here is written to record my feeling (incase I need it at a later date!)]
Did it mean that my body was giving me signals for doing it again? Did it mean that I am ready for a 2nd time, so soon? Inspite of all the labor (pun?) I am doing after my terrible 2 who are yet to reach the terrible two’s. Is it my unsatiated need and hope of a baby girl or the numerous mammas’/ going to be mammas’ blogs that I frequent or is it the sight of pregnant women around me which nudged the dream into my mindscape?

I discussed this with my fellow blogger yesterday and her question was “oh you seem to have a lot of time (for all that)”. Immaculate- I assured her…

I told hubby and he says what if it’s a boy again or what if they are twins again?

Anyway, whatever my dream may hint, I find myself not ready for it as yet, for all practical purpose unfortunately. As a fellow blogger aptly put in a few months ago (sorry, I do not remember who), I resign myself to the fact that I will never be the preferred caretaker over her mother by my pregnant daughter-in-law. In fact I even feel bad about not preferring my MIL’s food to my Mom’s during my pregnancy. I am not saying I did not like her food it was a matter of preference – all research folks out there will agree that there is a sea of difference between liking and preference. Though MIL was always more than ready to express deliver her Dosa Diner food as my Mom was her Dhaba Express food.
And to this I add that I will never get the joy of shopping together with my daughter for clothes, shoes and jewelry and get meaningful inputs from her. I will never get a chance to deck up my baby girl in frocks and ghaghra and funky jewelry. I will never be able to share womanly gossip and do bitching sessions with her. I resign myself to a lifetime of untold gossip and advice which a woman can pass on only to her daughter. And as I grow older, I will miss picking up the phone and having a tête-à-tête with my daughter as and when I wish, like my Mom does with us sisters. I resign myself to a lifetime of boring sports shops, and dry boy’s section of stores. I will have to wait a good number of years to do it with my daughters in law and that too if they have the time and willingness to do it. Even if they have both, I cannot predict whether our shopping instincts and tastes will match as much as a mom- daughter pair’s do. No offence meant here – that’s the way it is and we must learn to accept it.

I will never have the pleasure of my daughter looking up to me and saying I want to be/ dress up exactly like Mamma, Conversely, that just because I am the mother of sons, and more so since I am the mother of sons, it does not mean that I am over the hill and must do all that it takes to be up-to-date so that my DIL’s do not say I am passé! (thought is there, no time to practice though). There, I have said it. Though I hate MIL’s who try to compete with their DIL’s the mindset is happening to me too! I am already readying myself! (scene imagined is-hopefully- saas-bahu rivalry of the tele-serial tu-tu mai-main style)

And I ask myself – am I wishing for a daughter for all the wrong reasons? I feel that I am being selfish.
And to my sons I say- the fact doesn’t change that I wanted a daughter –badly, but there is another fact that is even more powerful than this. It is the fact that no matter what, my love for them will never be lesser and the intensity of which will never be less than the intensity of my wish for a daughter. I can never imagine wishing one of them to be any different from what they are. I am blessed that I have the double trouble to talk of, shower my affection on and anticipate their growing years.

14 comments:

artnavy said...

sorry u did not have one girl and one boy like in phantom

that would have been great

and yes u can dress up anush and i will lend her for shopping and all that

only hope a little bit of your bright colours/ make up usage rubs off on her
and i will also loan navy for cricket coaching the twins!!

Gabdu's Mommy said...

I kind of understand your strong desire to have a daughter just like pbbly fathers wud luv to have a son to take up their love for gizmos,cars and to get rough with !

However, these days the boundaries are blurring and boys are equally well attached to mommies and may even show interest in shopping etc :-) so I am quite positive you will not miss a daughter if you not planning another kiddo !

Has to be me said...

Hey I exactly now what u feel like....I felt just the same b4 I had my daughter. but like u said, sons are fun to be with as well!

Try again....u might have a daughter this time! ;)

@ said...

whoa! your post was a whirlwind of emotions!! you fastforwarded me few decades into the future wiht all this DIL talk! but so so sweet, how you ended it.

i sort of agree with Gabdu's mom - the stereotypes are changing...agreed, not the same, but my point is, all is not lost. maybe when you're ready, you'll be blessed again with twin daugters...? where there is hope, there is a way :)

NZ said...

That was a well written post Itchy. My opinion is ( and I have a daughter and a son ) - girls will be girls and boys will be boys. After my son, I missed having a daughter for pretty much the reasons you have written about, and the second time around we were granted our wish !

As @ said, who knows you may have twin daughters next time ;-)

Fuzzylogic said...

Such a touching post.I can relate to it all as I wanted a daughter so bad for all the same reasons you did too,and I did get my wish.And why do you feel however that you will not have one?Maybe when time is right you can try again and as people said you might get another double trouble girls!Keep that dream alive.Boys are bundles of fun too.Each of them are unique and bring joy in their own way.My hubby is still a mama's boy,I think they are equally attached to their moms as much as daughters.

Orchid said...

Vow!!....i can totally relate to this yearning for a daughter..I was hoping for a daughter the first time too(not necessarly a girl i could dress in pink but a daughter with whom i could share the bond i have with my own mom)...I read a post sometime back on mommyof2's blog, she had referenced an article by a mother of 3 boys who wanted a daughter....i remember that at the very end it said "if you never have a daughter one of your sons will assume that role for you, a daughter is not necessarily born from giving birth to a girl" and for me that was comforting...i can already see that A senses my every emotion..maybe for now he is my daughter too..so don't fret itchy :) I apologize for the length of this comment.

PeeJ said...

Wow, you're going through the exact opposite of what my sister went through after having girls. She wanted a boy, and her wish came true last summer and William George was born.

I wonder if mothers always secretly yearn for daughters because they like the idea of having someone around who they can bounce more feminine ideas off (it must be a bind being the only female in a male-dominated household, perhaps not now but later on) so having another female around would rock.

As for pineapple and papaya dreams, I always get the weirdest dreams after eating pineapple so there must be something psychotropical in that tropical fruit :)

Peej
x

itchingtowrite said...

art- thanks! rather i will loan my kids to navy so that he can coach to his heart's content. until of course u 2 get son(s) yourself to complete the picture
hubby wanted a boy becoz he wanted to coach him for cricket.
all- touche' - on boys being attached to moms
peej- everyone likes to experience both son & daighter i guess

mommyof2 said...

that discussion was on tara's blog:-)

have you read this
http://babymomblog.blogspot.com/2006/11/really-want-to-have-daughter.html

Even though I post this on my blog still if had 2 sons I would have been trying for a daughter even though we decided to have 2 kids;-)lol.

May God Bless you with a daughter or 2(twins;-)

karmickids said...

Gosh, I just had this debate with my hubby this morning, I am itching to have another baby and a girl to give the brat company and the hubby--the same one who was crestfallen that his firstborn was a son, now doesnt want anymore kids....am in a total dilemma

Hip Grandma said...

I have 2 girls and a boy and luckily i am close to all of them.But yet there are areas which can be dealt with by an all ladies group which the 'boys only' group can never relate to.The doubleX in their genes does it!!But don't let me scare you.Boys can be pillars of strength too.

The Mad Momma said...

:o) the eternal desire of a mother to have a daughter. I want one so badly and in about 6 weeks i will know what is to be my fate. I dont think there are ever right or wrong reasons to want a child of a particular gender. your reasons are your own.. who is to judge...? i feel the same abt my DIL who is so far into the future... i will never be her first choice for anything... yet its not abt whether you dress a girl in pink or a boy playing cricket with his dad.... mothering the different sexes is a different experience and we all want to experience both... if you had a girl.. you would want the second to be a boy.

How do we know said...

Wow!! Someone's being really sentimental here.. liked it! :-)