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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Computerising Life

Today I decided to pick up my pen, that was threatening early retirement, and write down my thoughts instead of straight away tapping them on the pen's arch rival computer's buttons. When I was 15 minutes into this shubh kaam (auspicious work), boss called me to his room. I stood up, flexing my fingers that were as tired as they felt after I wrote my entire class ten English Literature exam which had generous helpings of Julius Caesar quote unquote doled out for the unfortunate teachers chosen to evaluate them. I stood there foolishly looking at the paper, my mind instinctively searching for something. A few years back I could have been looking for some form of paperweight. But no, I realised I was subconsciously looking for the Conrol-S button to save my work on the sheet of paper.

The other day we were frantically looking for the car keys which my terrible two had misplaced- the likely places toy drawer, puja, their potty, under the bed and even the music system and A/C louvers were duly searched with zero results. I desperately wished we had a search button, hell I was even willing to press 2 keys- Control- F to make my job easier. If I had to search for one more lost key or the silver spoon or my book, I will have to install a security camera in my house.

Some other keys that could make life simpler would be-
1. Change Case - suppose we want to yell at hubby or kids, you could just change case to caps and need not spend the energy on actually screaming
2. Auto complete- you have to spend time with that boring neighbour aunty or the I-am-here-to-teach-you-how-to-run-India-business colleague from overseas office, you need not expend energy talking. You could just say the first few letters of the intended word or sentence (may be I am asking for too much)and bingo, the entire words and sentences start flowing out beautifully in the receiver's ears.
3. Undo/ Delete/ Back- Most useful if you have goofed up or divulged a secret or eaten some tempting high calorie dessert (have the cake and then don't eat it too type of thing)
4. Redo- You have cooked something delicious by randomly mixing ingredients while bitching with your friend on the mobile and simultaneously talking in capitals to your kids/ husband/ maid (remember you don't shout if you have an option of changing case- you simply talk and the shouting is perceived) and now people want a repeat performance of the scrumplicious dish. You just press the redo button and voila.
5. Crop- You want to lose weight/ inches- you get the picture, right!
6. Move Here- You have a number 2- auto complete situation above and you feel too lazy even to exercise the auto complete option- Just move [that damn thing (person)] here ( specified location)
7. Fill Colour- You bought this dress and the colour looks awful on you. You could use the tab that looks like- "bucket pouring colour"
8. Home- save fuel- just press the home button or if you are lost you need not do the elimination round of- who-is-the-most-likely-guy-to-tell-me-the-correct-way-and-who-is-the-least-pervert-looking-one-to-risk-talking-to and ask for directions
9. Control- most useful and all encompassing. Apart from the obvious benefits, one can even use it in situations which demand an obligatory visit to the yucky toilet in the shopping mall/ train

20 comments:

Has to be me said...

I really really wish fr the undo button in life...esp fr the cake bit! :)))

GettingThereNow said...

Love, LOVE, LOVE this post!! Can't stop smiling.

priya said...

It shows how creative you are:)

@ said...

if you were in front of me, i'd have told you - "I ROFLed after reading this one" ;)
I have so wished for a ctrl-alt-del for things that get stuck on me (like overstuffed pullout shelves in the kitchen)

mommyof2 said...

Thats exactly what we need:-) ahm crop bottom so badly;-)

Patti said...

Wow..I just loved this one!! Btw, what abt a Copy Paste option where one can be posing to be working in office and the other original can be doing timepass at home or shopping or eating those devil-icious desserts(u always have the undo option for the dessert rite?!).

Orchid said...

haha, loved this post.. I know every once in a while I try to write too just to see if I still remember :), wonder why I am even bothering to teach A to write :)

Fuzzylogic said...

I simply loved this post Itchy!All those years of copy writing to perfect that good handwriting all are gathering dust now:)I find it so much easier typing rather than go through the pain of writing it down.Yesterday when hubby asked me to make the grocery list I went straight to the comp to type it much to his surprise!I told him I would type it and take a print out it's more easier:)

Usha said...

U know the way it stores addresses in memory and pops up - i wish it could do that when my cant remember the name of a person who seems to know all about me. I wish I didnt have to spoil the bonhomie by saying: "i am sorry I cant seem to rememebr your name!"
But I guess the whole joy of life is its unpredictability and having to get it right each time.

Nice post!

artnavy said...

that was really creative
want the "crop" button

Sunita said...

I have often missed the "Ctrl-F" thing at home, while reading books, in life generally. I loved your 'Change case' usage :)

Rohini said...

What a cool post! I could do with the Redo function when Ayaan wants the same story read to him 20 times in a row!

Drama Div@ said...

i want the crop button.. it would be nice to have one like that in real life... I just wish life was that simple... :P

Something to Say said...

gr8 post itchy - and so well thot out.... considering the amount of eating i am doing these days - I will soon need a crop button too - or maybe just undo all this eating...or replace a lot of people who i dont want in my life...hmmm

Alan said...

Very funny. I think a Mute Key would be a good addition. (Boss yelling, kids crying, etc.)

cardamom said...

My networking lecturer was born with his caps lock button pressed permanently...
and i think what you missed was the escape button..there are innumerable occasions when the esc button wud prove to be more than handy..especially the locked up chors wud love that..
Enter- when your u don't get the tkts for your fav movie...

and then when you want some personal free space in your life, you know which key to press...:)

How do we know said...

Ha ha!! So very, very true!!

nz said...

Very creative - great post itchy !! looks like most of us need that 'crop' button ;-)

The Visitor said...

LOL and ROFL. An absolutely trademark itchy post.

:)

Me guilty of nto visiting for sooo long.
PS: The autocomplete did not work when I typed itc in the url! That's how long I've been away.

Your comment
theletter-- i felt it was a guy writing...
Yes I too felt the same.

Lavs said...

Fantastic list. I like this Re-do button a lot (when I have to explain simple things to my hubby a hundred times:-).