Melting Pot

Says Tejas on seeing his loosies

My Potty has melted

Puns and Negotiations

Tejas- Mamma कौन corn लाया?


Ojas and Dadda are having a mock quarrel
Ojas- Dadda- stop! I will give you kissie..ok!

Tamil Nadu

Tejas- If there is Tamil Nadu, where are Hindi Nadu and English Nadu?

Tejas- Why didn't you buy me the toy
Me- I did not go to office so I have no money
Tejas- so take from bank
Me- there is no money in the bank
Tejas - then use the card

Ojas, Tejas Crack a Joke

Me- Come and have your lunch
Kids- What is there for lunch
Me- Chicken
Kids- KFC?
Me- No, MFC- Mamma's Fried Chicken
Kids- If Dadda gets chicken then what will you call it
Me- DFC
Kids- no, KFC (Because Hubby's name starts with K!)

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A 7 year old kid hit the neighbour's children. Ojas & Tejas gave him a lecture

Why did you hit them

Boy- because they hit me

Ojas, Tejas- If they hit you, you should tell their mother, not hit them. They are babies no?

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Tejas- I am hungry (angling for the lollypop or something interesting)

Me - Will you have milk

Tejas- I said eat not drink

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Or alternatively

Tejas- I am hungry (angling for the juice)

Me- Will you have rice

Tejas- I want to drink something not eat

Bother Brother

Sis tells to Brother-Restrict access to my wedding albums on orkut/ facebook
Next day Bro tells sis- good you asked me to restrict access- someone tried to access the albums after that and failed
Sis- who tried?
Bro- ITW (yours truly who has joined orkut just to search for a particular friend and facebook just to play the word game and that's all)

Height of Misunderstanding

When Hubby thinks that the food served for the babies are actually meant for him and he eats it all up especially if the plate the food has been served in, looks like

THIS....................

Pic(k) of the Day

SOUNE HORH

Bihari ? Tabhi....

Shamelessly tagged myself on this one and did a very smilar one ..
You are a Bihari if...
1. You cannot have any meal without the potatoes- infact you cannot cook if you don't have potatoes
2. You are not disappointed if you get peanuts when you were offered badaam.
3. Your vocab include words like- atthi (which is a substitute for any word you cannot get at that moment and the other guy can totally understand you if you say give me atthi, or move off, atthi is coming), khar (crisp/ khasta), chaap (sadakchaap, chappalchaap), chhutihar (faded and looks old), bhannate (swiftly), lesraana (fine line of difference between lesraana which is lazing around and lesraa gaya which means spilled and spread out- think of a diaper accident- you will get the drift), masbhind (immensely lazy), phirant (truant/ spoilt), mota-moti (approximate).
4. You have, at some point of time, been called with your name with syllable "ua" or 'e" or "wa" attached to it -like Ritu is called as Ritua or Neha is called as Nehe or Nehwa and Mitu is called as Mitua and no not always in a contemptuous manner.
5. atleast one elderly in your family refer to someone's wife as uski dulhin. Even if she is no longer a shy new bride.
6. You can have roti and vegetable for all 3 meals happily
7. At any given point of time you would have had a Chotu, Ramu or Kaanti work for you (who would be called as chotu-a, or kaanti-a)
8. When someone says "hug'' an immediate imagery is of the potty before you realize it is just a hug! And when someone says Mercury you know it is the tubelight not the element mercury, or when someone says marketing you do not think of Kotler but of shopping
9. You know what is sattu, litti, bhunjaa, singhaada

Of Cars and Songs and Lady-Man

Teacher- Have you bought a new TV?
Us- No
Teacher- Ojas & Tejas were mentioning you got a bi.....g TV.
Us- That's the movie they went to!

Teacher- Have you bought a new car.
Dad- Yes...we
Me- Glare, Glare ...looks that say, now how is she supposed to know that we are thinking of buying a car
Teacher- Yellow car?
Me- Sigh, that's the toy they bought from the store.
(Thank God the teachers don't think we are a bunch of liars)
Apparently this is what the kids enlighten the teachers during "conversation" class. Wonder what secrets are being let out!

Ojas- Mamma sing Na na na... (this is Rock on, Meri laundry ka ek bill song)
Mamma- tunelessly sings Na na na na to the tune of We don't need no education...
Ojas- No, aise nahin, wrong
Mamma- so you sing and tell me how.
Ojas- sings Na na na perfectly, in tune!
Yes I am amazed baby

Tejas to Mamma- Give me Thanda pani (cold water), thoda sa misking karo- (mix a little bit normal temperature water)
Tejas to Dadda- Mamma giving thanda pani, Mamma bad girl
Tejas to Mamma- kaun thanda pani finish kar diya? (who finished the entire cold water)
Now what is his problem!

Mamma filled water in a glass and left it on the kitchen platform for Tejas to pick up.
As it often happens while taking the glass, he dropped it and water spilled on the platform.
Before Mamma could scream at him, he started crying- kyon big kiya? small karo. (why did you fill it so much, fill only little)
This coming from someone who insists I give "big" water and not "small" everytime I give him water.

We were test driving the Scorpio
Mamma- is this a nice car?
Ojas- this no car this Jeep
Yes off course- excuse me while I feel ashamed of my ignorance

Mamma has been adviced to introduced atleast 5 new words every few days to Ojas & Tejas
So Mamma starts with introducing the concept of Gentleman & Lady
Mamma- who is Ojas
Ojas- Gentleman
Mamma- who is Tejas
Tejas- Gentleman
Mamma- And Mamma?
Both- Lady
Mamma- And Dadda?
Both- Lady-Man!!
Ah Well, don't let your Dad hear that will you!

Their Time-Out location is the Bean Bag.
Once in frustration Mamma said- Mamma is getting time out now, she will sit here and not talk to anybody and only cry
Ojas smiling indulgently- Ab Ojas? (now shall I take time-out?)
By the way, they love givng each other time out!

The teacher adviced us to focus on their pencil grip.
Well, I don't think I need to do that.
Just saw Ojas calling Tejas- Tejas come here, we do painting.
He took a tiny chalk piece and demonstarted how he is supposed to hold the chalk piece correctly between the thumb and index finger and then pushed it into Tejas' hands who held it correctly, and then proceeded to paint on the book.
My job just became easier

Mamma- Do you want to speak to Mamu (on phone)

Both eagerly take the phone and say- Mamu? Mamu dehendal (rowdy), Mamu Bandar (monkey), Mamu pitti (slap, proceeds to hit the phone)

???? what did my poor brother do to them?

Mausi- Mausi going home?

Ojas- nahin pehle khana kha lo(first eat your lunch)

Perfect hosts!

Chivalry is not Supposed to be Dead

Wife Pleasing Tips for Men

1. Gallantly hold the door for her and let her pass first in the mall, restaurant, lift...
2. Take lots of photographs of her when she dolls herself up- just don't let her walk out of the house without taking pictures of her from all angles
3. Keep her most flattering photo on your office table, laptop desktop and wallet
4. Praise her cooking- tell everyone that if I continue to eat her food, I will never have the will to diet. It serves the dual purpose of pleasing her and giving others the excuse for not being to lose weight.
5. Praise her profusely when she dresses up for an occassion- even tell her you don't match next to her.
6. When you go out, ensure you sit next to her and give all attention to her while talking to your friends. The key is balance. You should make her feel included all the time and ensure that she is within the circle.
7. Support her, fight for her... see how AB is supporting his wife on the Hindi-Marathi issue!
8. Repeat after me- so nice of you to take care of all my little little needs- what would I do without you.
9. Repeat after me- How can you go alone for a week? I will miss you so badly.
10. Repeat after me- I would rather be home with you than go for that Business trip to Europe

I am in the 5th Month

5 months gone buy since I last succumbed to the temptation.
I haven't even looked that way for fear of succumbing.
5 months since I went on an overdrive.
Flirting with various models. Indulging myself to the highest limit till I zeroed on quite a few of my liking.
I nearly broke my heart when I ditched the older models for the newer ones.
I have a tough time every morning in deciding which one to favour for the day.
In the harem of the models that I possess, I have my own favourites, some for regular use, some for specific occassions, some for specific activities, some to coordinate with the rest of me.
Some are ignored or rather cherished so much that I feel they are too good to be exposed to the elements. And when they go past their prime, they are neither good enough to be seen with nor bad enough to be ditched.
A few days ago, I found myself breaking my resolute. My feet automatically taking me to the objects of my desire. My heart weakening with excitement, my mind picturing the ah-inspiring looks they would evoke once on me...
With feverish excitement, I slipped each foot delicately into the inviting sandals, twirling round to admire the dressed up feet in the clear mirror, walking up and down like a model on a catwalk ramp, looking at hubby to see if his eyes light up with appreciation, observing my 5 month old purchase in disdain...(how old and worn out they look in front of the newer ones) and with bated breath I asked...
How much?

Did I Really Say That?

1. Once upon a time, a couple who were trying for a baby were sitting at the gyneac's room. She looked at the reports and said- looks fine, starting today you should try every alternate day....
She - Try What? "genuinely perplexed"
Doc- ??? Relationship!

2. Her Mom "supposedly / sarcastically exalting the virtues of Mr A"- He used to sleep in his mother's room when his Dad died!
She- Then how did he and his wife have a daughter some 10-11 months after his father's death?

3. She (on phone from Singapore airport, tears streaming down her cheeks)- the flight was 4 hours late and it is past midnight here.

Husband- You are ok naa? Why are you crying?

She- I did not get window seat also.

Husband- So what? What is the real problem now?

She-I had planned to go shopping and that's why I took the early flight and now all that is messed up.

Biology Lessons

Sister- Try to teach Human Body using the Biology text book- this is Vas Deferens
Also called- looking at the pencilled text above the printed label "Vas" and at the same time trying to juggle her memory on Biology basics- Chaminda (imagining that the teacher would have told in class the alternate terminology for Vas Deferens)
Brother- giggling - Didi, Teacher did not tell us the alternate term, I meant the cricketer Chaminda Vas

Hair Cut Stages

Every Hair cut is done in the following stages-

Stage 1- You skim through all the styles in the catalogue- most of them with firang faces and imagine how each will look on you.

Stage 2- Give up and ask the stylist to guide you, giving your overall preferences which would normally be - desired length and whether you want something new or same cut.

Stage 3- The stylist advices you and describes a style that is suspiciously similar to the current one, even though they give a different name or bring out the subtle differences between current and future intended style.

Stage 4- You either agree to the intended cut murmuring a small prayer to the Almighty or command- just maintain the same style.

Stage 5- This is the most important & also dicey stage- the stylist clutches a small fraction of your hair and you watch in the mirror as he indicates this is the length he or she will remove. Now as objects appear closer than they really are in the car rearview mirror, hair length appears shorter than they really are in salon mirrors. If you agree to the visible length to be cut, mentally add atleast 10% to it for your hair will be shortened more than it's seen.

Stage 6- Washing/ Conditioning- fairly harmless

Stage 7- Cutting- fairly harmless again as long as you don't die in shock at the length of the hair cut off and don't panic and stop your stylist in the middle of the cutting. As they say, if r@pe is inevitable, just lie back and enjoy it, you leave everything to the Almighty & the stylist in question- knowing/ rather forcing yourself to believe that (s)he knows his/ her job the best and you the owner of the now fallen locks ought not to interfere in the process.

Stage 8- Drying- this is the stage when the stylist will comment how frizzy your hair looks and how your hair could benefit greatly using a particular brand of shampoo or conditioner. And then the said stylist will graciously add that since your hair is not so damaged, it's ok if you use just the conditioner- (see how much I have reduced your expenses by suggesting you take only the conditioner)

Stage 9- Reality Strikes- you look at yourself in the mirror, they hold a small mirror helpfully behind you so that you can see the lovely bounce in the back side but you may or may not end up looking as hot & glam as you imagined.

Stage 10- Escape- This is where you make a dash for it before the stylist weilds the promised conditioner bottle. If you shuffle your heels even a little, you are forced to go to ...

Stage 11- Where the stylist bring the bottle to you- which will normally be the one the salon is forced to use by the corporate decision makers, reads out all the benefits and hand you the bottle. You will look at it, read the labels armed with new found knowledge and then look up into the expectant face of the stylist willing you to ask you how much? Now this is not going to come cheap. If you are ok with it- ask for the price else just say not today,s ometime later and make a dash for it- before you register the disappointed look in the stylist's eyes.


The point of this post- I got a new haircut and while hubby laughed at me, I think I am liking it- It's getting better as the oodles of conditioner that was put is wearing off.

A Man's Ego

Is universal.
No man ever thinks or admits or accepts that his asset is "small"
So when Tejas is told- 'your "asset" is small'
He retaliates - "No, Big"
On any random occassion, they will make sure they remind me that their asset is "big"
So who am I to dispute! Anyway size is relative right?

Name Place Animal Thing

Waiting for the gift wrapping at a jewelry store on a free aftrnoon...
Happened to notice 2 sales woman playing name place animal thing...
The letter happens to be "B"- wonder how she said B when the caller had said stop after a while, enough to recite atleast till H.
She had written the entry for "thing" as "Bites".
The other woman asks - what is Bites?
1st one- Bites! you don't know? Snacks!
(typical Tamil Slang)

Reminded me of a time when we used to play these games.
I would invariably enter Latrine under things for L & Nicker for N (not knowing it is supposed to be knickers)

History Repeats Itself

My cousin S at the age of 4 after getting a slap from his mom- Pyar karo (hug/ kiss me)
Ojas / Tejas after getting a whack from me- Hands/ Legs/ Buttom tuti (broken), give Kissie

Not All Sardarjis are Like Sidhu

I land up Monday night in Delhi and board the cab.
Me-No Radio?
Sardarji driver- Madam I will give you the owner's numbr. You call him and tell him to install the radio.
After some time, I notice the driver working hard on his mobile. I saw his eyes flashing between the road and the mobile to my horror, all this at a speed of say 60-80 on NH 8
Me- what? why are you sms-ing while driving
Sardarji- No madam I am not sms-ing the owner, I am just looking for the number so that you can call him and tell about the radio.
Me- no, I don't want to talk to him and complain.
Sardarji- No madam, if you complain, probably he will install it and I can listen to FM on the long drives.
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Next episode-
We entered my aunt's complex and went straight down the lane. I was giving him directions on how to reach the house.
Me- Take the Right
Sardarji stops at the intersection, looks do the right and says- I thought you said right, and went straight and turned left.
Me- Why are you going left, I said right.
Sardarji- that is left, why are you telling right.
Me- That is right, daaya you know.
Sardarji took an about turn and came back on the lane and crossed the intersection again.
Me- arrey, take the left.
Sardarji insisted- but there is no house there.
Me- how do you know? I know I have come here before.
Sardarji- Because it can't be seen from here.
Now what is this logic???? why should the house be seen from this road itself?
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Email Goof Ups

Some gems I have encountered...

We will replace the vacancy caused by the creation of Sivakumar
He meant resignation not creation

We will submit colourless juice samples of suggestive flavours
He meant we will add our suggested flavours to juice samples but not add any colours to them
Dear VI
Please collect my tickets from N and bring it to the airport with you.
He meant Dear AD. VI was his boss and N was VI's secretary
PS: in the era of job rotation anything is possible.

From a resume
Won many prices in competitions (this was repeated across the resume)
She meant prizes

Hi
All this is regarding....
He meant Hi All, This is regarding....(this was repeated in all his mails for many years until someone had the goodwill of correcting him)


Since you are a person I trust, I wanted to invite you to join my network on LinkedIn. I'm using it to discover inside connections I didn't know I had. It's interesting to see the level of access you can have with only a few people in your network.
Sounds very underhand!! inside connections...

My Tamil Goof Ups Could Fill a Book

1. Setting- Skit with the theme of Yamlok. Chitragupta begins every sentence with "Arasu"
After trying hard to follow what is going on, yours truly asks her colleague, why is he using Rice before every sentence?
Arasu means king, Arasi means rice.

2. Setting- The fish seller comes to the door step and asks if we want Yera. MIL says no and she walks off. I get excited and call her back saying I want to eat Yera.
Me- Why is yera looking like prawn.
MIL- Because this is prawn.
Me- But I want that fish you made last week
MIL- That was Sura
Me- I wanted Sura not Yera
The scene ends with very dirty looks from the fish seller.

3. Setting- This was when I was in college and my Tamil vocablary was limited to a few words like po, ille, aiyo.
I was in my then-not-my-hubby's house and there was a small girl doing all sorts of naughtiness, not eating food etc. Every sentence people spoke to her was like- eat, else, Pune, come ...Pune. I constructed the whole conversation as she must eat this type of food because in Pune she will not get it, or before going to Pune she must visit again, etc.
Then just to do some small talk I asked- when are they going to Pune?
It took a while for then-not-my-hubby to explain that they were talking about the stray poone (cat) that had found it's way into the house.

4. Hubby asked his Mom- What is for dinner
MIL- Soar
Me- Wow, soar is there
Hubby- Why are you so excited?
Me- Mutton you meant right?
I don't know by what logic I had derived that soar means Mutton while it actually means Rice

5. This was in college. A group of boys were trying their hand at hindi "bad words" to try on 2 of us hindi-speaking girls. Then-not-my-hubby was among the lot who were using them.
To take revenge I asked one of the boys who was apparently supporting us to teach me some Tamil swear words.
He asked me to tell Na Orru Paithyam and explained to me it meant You are mad.
I repeated with a whole lot of forceful vengeance thrown in my expression.
The class burst into laughter and I realized that Na means I & Nee means You.

6. MIL- I don't have a sari here, need to get it from my apartment (in Tamil)
Me- Naa Vaangita Vera(my rendering in Tamil, which according to me means I will get it from your house)
MIL- No need to buy, I have at home.
I repeated what I had said earlier.
MIL- You mean Erthite va (you wll bring it)

Believe me, there are many more such goof ups in everyday conversations...