Flashback- Love’s Labour

Credits- Inspired by Mad Momma’s Post
Read Part I, Part III & Part V
This post below is Part II & Part IV

Our plans were clear. Anytime after week 37 the babies could be born. But I was determined that the babies stay in for as long as possible to maximize development and so that they are not at a disadvantage right from birth. Also the longer they stay the bigger they become, perhaps. I would start her leave from 31st October so that I could spend half a month or less than that relaxing before the babies arrive who were due on 18th November.

1st week of October the doctor was already pushing me to stop going to work, but I insisted on continuing. By middle of the month I could walk no longer and I realized that I was scared.

Scared that the babies could be hurt while I traveled the bad roads. Scared that I would get into labour in the office that was 40 minutes away from my hospital. (may be I had filmy notions of me crying in pain embarrassing myself- part III will tell you how I was worried about not displaying pain in front of others and appearing brave). Scared that I would end up going to hospital alone while everyone was at their home and hubby was traveling abroad. Scared that I will embarrass myself in my office if I am unable to reach the toilet on time as I was unable to walk without taking support and without mentally and physically gearing up to battle the cramps and stand up. Scared that if I am once more caught sleeping in office I would be chucked out. Scared that I will never be able to prepare myself for the hospital visit if I don’t take a break now.

So I stopped going to work from October 15th, Saturday. The doctor saw me on 22nd and suggested to set the date of operation any day after 30th. We were open to any date as per her recommendation. Logically, Diwali was on 1st nov, Bhai dooj on 3rd so it would be great if I could celebrate them. She suggested that I get admitted on 4th evening and get operated on the 5th as that is a good day. Added bonus, it was a weekend. My brother was also particular that it happened before 5th as he had his college holidays.

October 28th – the maid had quit. The f&*%G B*@#, inspite of my condition.

October 30th- I had plans of going for buying crackers and investing in some gold for the diwali. Since it was raining we cancelled our plans.

October 31st- I took out the serial lights and decorated the window. We would switch it on in the evening. We planned to go for cracker and gold purchase in the afternoon. My boss called up to find out if I had delivered since he knew it could happen anytime. I smartly mentioned the foolproof plans of celebrating all festivals and then going for delivery. Mom who was staying with me had gone to my sister’s apartment to make gulabjamuns and other stuff for diwali, so that the two lovebirds (hubby & me) could enjoy some private time together before the babies arrive. Afternoon I took a head bath and washed a few of my clothes with great difficulty. I started getting a dull pain in my lower regions and the legs. Infact I was unable to walk without crying out of pain. A visitor (relative) and MIL came to see me. Hubby went to drop them back to their house (&*%*#% leaving me alone- I have never forgiven him for that). During that time I realized that the pain is aggravating and I could not even lie down. I slowly went to my room, left the key on the window sill and lay down on my bed, waiting for the pain to pass. Hubby rang the bell and I phoned him on his cell and asked him to come to the window and pull out the key. (we live in ground floor). He came in and I explained the situation. He called up the doctor and she was neither at home nor in the hospital. As it always happens, the hospital refuse to disclose the mobile number of the doctor. What I did not know was that I could go to the casualty and they would examine me and reach the doctor if required. They kept on insisting that they did not have her mobile number, inspite of us explaining our predicament.
The next door neighbor called us to see their new Swift. Hubby went out with the camera in one hand and the phone on the other, auto redialing the doc’s home. (can you imagine?).

After he came back we tried to get the doctor again. By around 6.00 pm the same neighbors came to call us for lighting crackers. Since I could not go out, Ms neighbour stayed behind to give me company and hubby joined Mr neighbor for cracker and general socializing. (again, can you imagine?)

When he came back we tried reaching the assistant doctor. Somehow we managed to get her mobile number. She asked me if I had any discharge. Negative. So she mentioned that it is false labour and prescribed buscopan. By 7.00 pm my mom , brother and sis had come back (with gulabjamuns). I felt that my condition was improving so I did not even call up the medical shop for the painkiller. All the while we kept on trying to reach the doctor for her opinion.

Around 10 pm I had my dinner and 2 gulabjamuns- my favourite sweet. By that time I was able to walk without wincing at every step. After dinner I started feeling the pain getting worse. MIL & BIL also came in to see me.

Around 11.00 we managed to reach the doctor who had by then come back home. She asked me to come to the casualty immediately.

By 12.00 we were at the hospital. I refused the wheelchair. The nurses kept on checking if I had any discharge. And how come you have no discharge was asked by every nurse who saw me. The doctor examined. The baby’s head had descended. That was causing the pain. I was to be operated immediately. Since I had eaten at 10.00 pm, we had to give a 6 hour gap so she decided 5.00 am would be a good time to wheel me in.

They prepared the room and to my annoyance I had to take the wheelchair. I HATED IT.

The lifecell ladies came to collect the cord blood stuff. I frankly do not remember whether they took my blood that time or later or whether they took it at all.
I was to be given a general anesthesia as I was to huge to bend and take the epidural.
We had not selected a pediatrician and the doctor called the ped on duty. He happened to be the doctor of my doctor’s twins also.

Surprisingly there was no enema or nail polish removing done for me. We waited till it was 4.45 am and to my horror I was taken towards the OT in a STRETCHER.

A small drama was enacted in my head outside the OT.

As I was wheeled into the theatre and the relevant curtains and rubber sheets etc was in place, the anesthesia technician explained the procedure to me. The doctor would wash my tummy and I would feel no discomfort except for it being very cold. He seems to have forgotten that the discomfort was because of the pain and because of being stripped right in front of goodness knows who all. By the way the anesthesia technician was also one of a twin pair.
(infact the pediatrician introduced himself the next day saying that I have met you but you were unconscious that time so you may not remember me. I pictured the state I was in when he would have “met” me and nearly died of embarrassment)

He placed the oxygen mask and asked me to breathe deeply. I felt suffocated breathing into it but breathed deeply all the same out of fear of not enough oxygen being inside me during the surgery. To my relief he removed the mask and placed a tube near my nose that was blowing oxygen and asked me to breathe. Thankfully that was more comfortable. Another mask was passed over my nose and an injection administered.

The next I remember was being woken loudly by the anesthesia technician ‘wake up, the operation is successful, you have two boys’
I remember a semi sinking feeling and lifted my hand with great difficulty and showed my index finger and whispered that I wanted one girl. The anesthesia technician walked out to my husband and said I am going to the market to get a baby girl for your wife.

(In the post op, I remember thinking of gulabjamuns and asked the nurse when I could have food. She mentioned only the following day and it was quite a few days before I could indulge in them truly)

We cannot decide when the baby will be born. The baby will decide when (s)he wants to be born. Mine heard me that I wanted to celebrate the festivals and not stay in hospital on diwali. My Diwali releases decided that they would arrive with a bang. In Tamil Nadu, Diwali is celebrated early morning. At 5.15 am & 5.16am, 1st of November, 2005 Ojas & Tejas came to this world. Ojas was the proactive one who had descended and Tejas was caught up in a double knot. Tejas was screaming at the top of his voice when he was out and Ojas was attempting to cry as if after seeing Tejas cry he realised that he is supposed to cry. Ojas more or less did not open his eyes for a day as he did not like the light and Tejas was turning towards the TV and watching the match.

Love at First Sight???

It was 10 am when the neo natal ward sister brought the baby for her to see. Nobody had prepared her for this first look of the baby. She had never seen such a new baby before- just 5 hours old. She did not count all the perfect toes and fingers of the baby and neither did she bond immediately with it as they say in the books. She did not instantly sit up and take the baby in her arms amidst tears of joy- like they show in the movies. She was literally pinned down to the bed with the numerous tubes, the searing cut and the after effect of the anesthesia, half turned to her side and quite uncomfortable, as the ward sisters did not believe in propping the patient up with as many pillows as she needed.
One by one she drank in the details. The not so baby soft and smooth skin, extremely hairy- just like his father- thank God it’s a boy and not a girl, she thought, else she would have to battle with the facial hair her entire life. No body had told her that the hair would shed after a few months. She once again memorized the features as she ran her hand over the bald head of the baby. Just incase they do not make a mistake and exchange the baby in the nursery. They wouldn’t assured the sister. She proceeded to show her the identifying label on the baby’s arm and a matching one on hers.
For the second time, she was doing the examining. She looked at the hairy baby, the not-so-smooth skin and the hairy head of her baby.
How many times will you bring the baby to the mother, the ward sister said crossly.
But this is the second one!
Twins aaa !?
Yes, twins indeed, sighed the mother as she dropped off to an exhausted sleep. One that would be her last long sleep in the many months to follow.

The OT

They wheeled her inside the OT at 4.30 am. Or what she thought was an OT. It was a room just outside the OT where they kept all the equipments etc. She was in queue as there was another patient inside. Not again, she sighed to herself, queue here also.
She saw her doctor in the surgical attire. She had never seen her doctor like this before. She used to always be dressed up in a silk/ starched cotton sari with make –up to perfection, matching eye shadow, jewels and all. And here she was in the blue surgical attire and not at all her usual talkative self. She watched her doctor as she said a silent prayer to herself and perhaps mentally prepared for the surgery and felt a strange mix of camaraderie and alienation. Then it struck her perhaps for the first time that she was not just one in so many cases for her doctor- like they usually say. But she was one of her many “key result areas” like the HR people say in any other profession. She was accountable for the outcome and her performance appraisal would be based on all the cases she handles. Hence every case needed the utmost care and perfection. Perhaps that is why the doctor never completely delegates her case to the junior doctors. Even if it is a simple exercise of removing the stitches she insists that she takes the final look. And when it comes to checking the baby’s heart beat, she repeats it inspite of the fact that one would have taken the scan a few minutes ago and seen the baby’s heart galloping.

The other patient came out from the OT softly groaning. She made a mental note to not to groan when she is wheeled out of the OT, but to bravely bear the pain.

As she was taken in and the preparation being done, she asked her doctor how long the operation would take, eagerly waiting for the anesthesia to be administered so that she could escape from the dull pain that was going on for at least 12 hours now. Soon was the only word she heard and then breathe deeply as she drifted off to a welcoming, 45 minute long anesthesia induced sleep.