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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Hateful Characters on the Road

Hi Guys
found some time to breathe and therefore a fresh post for the day. Will meet you on your blogs soon
1. Road Hog- drives in the centre of the road and does not allow anyone to pass
2. Zig Zag- drives in zig zag fashion. Very dangerous as the vehicle behind can never know where he will move next
3. Lane Straddler- at a given point of time will occupy 2 lanes, at times even the opposite lane- therefore vehicles on both lanes cannot cross him
4. Trend Setter- his pace- usually extremely slow, will define the speed of the whole queue in narrow roads. Usually a novice. On multi lane roads, he will typically occupy the fastest lane so that he can stay rightmost on the road and no one can overtake him from the right at least.
5. 3-wheeler & their types- I am calling the 3-wheeler auto-rickshaws as a separate category due to their unique characteristics. They encompass all irritating characteristics of other types like staying in the fastest lane even though they should not, not allowing anyone to pass through by zig zagging, filling even the slightest gaps thereby stopping in such a way at signals that one will never know whether they are going front, left, right or backwards. They have the special property of suddenly dashing off into your lane without any warning signal. Even 4-wheelers especially taxis do that as they have nothing to lose – even if their vehicle gets scratched, it does not hurt their sentiments
6. Bus, Truck and the likes- drive on the right lane, are Trend Setter and Road Hog, but they send smoke signals as if they are stranded on a lonely island. Especially in Chennai, the buses stop in the middle of the road some times as that is their designated stop. After halting at a bus stop that is on the left-most side of the road, they behave like auto-rickshaws with a size disadvantage-they suddenly turn sharply to the right into your and all the other lanes when they have to re-start the journey.
7. 2- wheelers- they Zig-Zag, occupy the slimmest gap and while stopping at the signal, position their legs in such a way that it automatically increases the total girth of the vehicle. (I would love to drive my wheel over that right leg that is in my lane!)
8. Clueless- Will decide to turn or not turn at the last moment.
9. Egoist- will not allow any one to overtake by emulating all the characteristics above
10. Cyclops- one-eyed monster- especially dangerous when coming from the opposite direction on it’s rightmost lane and with only the left eye in working condition
11. Diwali Celebrator- Drives in high beam and poses a menace to drivers in the opposite direction. We need to teach them the mnemonic- “high beam is for highway as you have to see far-away and low beam / normal beam is for roads and lanes as you have to see nearby.
12. Ass Kissers- stop so near to the bumper that your car feels (sexually) threatened
13. Passion Killers- they act spoil sport just when you are in the throes of passion- ie you would be accelerating or changing gears and these vehicls would appear from the middle of no where and you will have to reduce your speed and go back to the lower gear
New Company Update
Empty mailbox
Cautious and unsure smiles/ hellos
Curious questions, looks
Some people eager to please, guide and help out
Clueless participation in projects/ conversation
Instructed to follow rules religiously
Unsure on protocols- dress code, address code (Mr/ Name/ Sir/ Madam), Internet code of conduct (indiscriminate vs cautious)

I have already made a few good friends- colleague doing the same function, ex-company club (people who were earlier in my previous company and are now working here), the nice security person who helps me every morning in finding me a parking place and guiding me to park. He strategically places me away from the big bosses’ cars while the other security guys and drivers smile slyly.


cardamom said...

i think the security person should be swapped with the big-boss...;)

and a Nice list of the who's who on the have an eye for detail.

Twisted DNA said...

Driving in India is a fine art, which I never mastered. When my brother tried learn driving in India, the instructor told him "You need to drive on the middle of the road until you have to give way to somebody" :) I think that is the basic rule everybody follows in India

Anonymous said...

just curious, what happens if that Ass kicker forget to brake?

How do we know said...

Ha ha! ITW, you realy must publish these compilations of yours in a book together.. they are such gud fun to read! of course, TDNA will donate his 10 saree wearers post ..what say?

Sat said...

nice blog :)
and cool post...well, might i add the headless chickens to the list....the pedestrians who tend to appear from nowhere and run across the road in an attempt to safely cross it....

Has to be me said...

Driving is a mad rush in India! No consideration for other drivers is ever there!
Good with ur new office! Ur security guy sure is impressive!

Inder said...

long back a colleague said that a care ran over his foot. was that, by any chance, you? :P :P :P
his sturdy shoe protected his foot :)

artnavy said...

and the security fella seems better than your ex company one

my life.... said...

man... i am stunned by yr observations... wow...i didn t know that there are different types of road criminals:P

Anonymous said...

I've tagged you...

Kalpana said...

Good observation. Wonderfully said.

Rio said...

Well written! Loved the nicknames given to each category, good puns all :) Good luck with the new company.

theanalogkid said...

hahahha.. that was fun to read...

Anonymous said...

everytime i go to a new place i feel scared.. im 19 .. maybe i should grow up?..

glad to see u have made friends ;) :P ..

Anonymous said...

I liek the trend setters... and they really get on your nerves.. and i love to do that sometimes

hkarthi said...

I like Cyclops and Diwali celebrators... they really get on your nerves. I always slow down and come almost to a standstill until they pass on. These Cyclops are deadliest during late nights as they drive as if they are being tried out for F1 racing!...

Ruchika said...

Such a true collection of 'characters'.. :-)))

itchingtowrite said...

cardamom, analog kid, how do we know, kalpana- thanks
TDNA- someone used to stay if u allow 1 car to pass , everyone will overtake u. so dont allow anyone to overtake
aashun, - his car gets to rape the car before his. i ll do the tag soon.
sat- thanks, welcome. that was a good one
rio, ruchika- thanks, welcome

has to be me, art- yes, else i was totally lost
inder- hey hey.. could have been.
isha reddy- i also feel totally lost and even depressed sometimes. welcome here
vin- ha ha, sadistic - but sometimes one feels vindicated doing that to the other person

my life- probably to a new person on the road, it seems to be more obvious

h karthi- agreed, dealdy is the word

theanalogkid said...

@itchingtowrite - i think you will like this post

Cloudy Musings said...

nice post!! good creativity... ;-)