On Mommyhood

And Sue's post makes me say that in the end of it all, you realize that the baby was or in my case the babies were safest inside and best kept so. Once they are out, your heart lurches every time you hear a baby cry.

I once "bumped" into a pregnant lady in the mall and she was saying, it is so difficult to keep the baby safe inside the stomach. Once it is out one can protect it better.

And I couldn't stop myself from adding my two bit that the so called "it" is safest inside you.

For as a wise one said, having a baby is like having your heart walk around for your entire life, something to that extent.

It is true. It is not just your heart that is walking around but also playing various tricks inside your self.

Your heart comes into your mouth every time the children coming running into the house screaming Mamma. You wonder where they got hurt or who troubled them or imagine the worst possible situation.

And as Sue says beautifully that it is an intensely physical journey and she couldn't have said it better.

Every month I wondered at the tenacity of my body and the so called elasticity. Every month I would say to myself that I do not think I could manage if the babies got bigger and every month I would surpass my own expectations.

The walk got laboured, the cramps more painful and the getting up from the seat even more difficult. The walk to the bathroom was the most arduous journey especially since I never knew whether I would be able to even get up from the seat or reach the bathroom on time.

The sickness never abated. So there was always this worry that I need to be around a place where it would be easy to reach a place to throw up.

And of course, the wonders of all, my eye sight magically becaming near normal and skin issues vanished and right on the day after the delivery I noticed that the TV was hazy again.

The wonders!

Signs that You are Finally Morphing into a Mom

1. The kids go in denial when they see the photos of a 2 year old you with your Mom- they mutter even in their sleep- Mamma you cannot be small, you are big
2. Your handbag contains stuff like- chocolates, pencil, eraser, a toy car, multiple hankies, sketch pen, kid's waterbottle etc
3. Your office table has a piece of crayon which came along with your laptop bag. And you leave it there because either you do not want to throw it away or you actually like doodling with it
4. You start writing with pencil again
5. The last 5 book reviews on your blog are that of kids' books.
6. You are enjoying kids' birthday parties
7. You rush the kids to the toilet if anyone speaks any word that remotely resembles 'Potty"
8. Everyone banks on you to get the kids' nose cleaned and you are a pro at it now and take special pride in nosie-less noses.
9. Your home is strewn with children's books
10. You are sleeping comfortably on rubber cloth with toys poking at you, kiddy books falling out from under your pillows and err no pillows - that too.
11. You can take the kids to the loo in the middle of the night and promptly fall back asleep
12. You have forgotten and forgiven the kids for sleepless nights and you find it hard to remember that you were really breastfeeding almost throughout the night in the good old days. And you certainly do not remember how, with great difficulty you would make the kids go back to sleep afte rthey woke several times in the middle of the night.
13. You forget that inspite of (12) above, you would go to office next morning in the good old days and inspite of (11) above now, you still feel you do not get enough sleep!
14. You stopped watching real TV and watch only cartoons or Animal Planet
15. You are extremely regular about the evening going out with the kids in the apartment



9.

For the New Dads/ Dads in Waiting

While we are on the subject of advice, pregnancy, PPD and the works in some forum, I came upon an older post of mine in draft. I found it to be extremely angsty and therefore I had never published it. So I am giving the post a 360 degree makeover and turning it into an advisory list from a certified rant.
On a side note, this worries me- if I am making posts out of archived thoughts, am I running out of ideas? Does it mean I am not expanding my knowledge but converging towards past wisdom?
Anyway, I digress...
So this is for New Dads & Dads to be- I have taken up your cause before so now for some words of wisdom from women who have been through it before.

1. You (and everyone else) would have treated your pregnant wife like royalty and the moment the kid is born all attention will naturally gets directed to the kid. While this is normal, you as her husband and soulmate must, in no circumstance forget that she is your first priority. Otherwise you would undo all the good work done by you during the pregnancy. She might, in a fit of anger just turn back and accuse that you did it for your selfish interests- the child(ren).
2. Post pregnancy, whether CSec or normal delivery a mother is exhausted and requires a care taking equated to 6 months of illness.
Imagine getting up after hours of gruelling labour or waking up few hours post any surgery and going about the business of feeding/ cleaning/ comforting a newborn. Yes, a mother forgets all about her pains & well deserved rest and sets to look after the child right away. Can you even think of doing it?
So make it up to her. Offer a helping hand as often as possible. Be part of the process and proactive rather than a casual bystander helping whenever convenient.
3. Give her emotional support
Talk to her, spend time with her, especially if she is cooped in a room nursing the baby and the rest of the household is laughing, gossiping and joking away in the living room. Don't treat her as a baby making and nurturing machine. She is still a living, breathing, full blooded woman who is your wife first and then a mother. It doesn't hurt to ask her how was her day or what did you do the entire day in office, whom did you meet or update her with the latest.
4. Let her have her space- with herself, her thoughts etc.
people tend to crowd a new mother with their advice, presence and constant talk. Keep a watch and disengage such people when you feel it is becoming a "too much". She will be unable to blatantly tell people to push off because all of them are well meaning people who have come to bless the baby(ies).
5. Contribute to the home management
bunking maids, messy home, unwashed clothes, nappies, folding washed clothes, filling water bottles, other hygiene issues that the wife is expected to be done. Find alternative support or pitch in yourself. Remember she is on a full time job now unlike your part time office work
6. The new born(s) will wake up many times in the night.
Even if you have to go on work next day, you must work out a schedule where in you take turns to wak up and check the nappy before handing over to her for feeding. Imagine being rudely woken up everytime you try to sleep- this happens to her the entire day- morning & night.
6. Be by her side if anyone critisizes her
The baby does not always fall sick because of the mother's diet, bath schedule etc.
7. Make time for her. Insist that she gets a break
Take her for a romantic dinner, movie etc
8. A welcome home / thank you gift (for giving you the baby(ies) ) would be a nice touch.
9. She might yell and lose her cool for no reason with you or ILs or anybody else
Be her sounding board without quarreling/ arguing back (This comes from wise Sue in another forum)
10. Take off from work from time to time just for spending time with her and the baby(ies)
11. She may not cook anymore.
Don't throw a tantrum for that
12. There is something called Post Partum Depression
see 10, 9, 7,6,4,3 above
13. Make it a rule to not go out and socialize without her
it makes her feel all the more left out. She might encourage you to go alone but refuse vehemently saying you will not go without her!
14. With the multiple changes in her body, her self esteem may reach an alltime low
Give her mental/moral/emotional/physical boost
Do post your PPD memories on my comment space or send me the links for me to make our case stronger