Puns, Jokes and Pertinent Questions

Ojas- Pushp and Suman plucked flowers and then they died. Why?
Me- Why?
Ojas- Because they themselves were pushp and suman.
Hindi Lessons!

Bhishm can marry Satyavati. Problem Solved. Says Ojas when things got complicated with the fisherman Dad of Satyavati. Why didn't we think of that solution?


Tejas- Green house effect should be called red house effect because red is hotter.

Tejas- before going to do the big job- I am going to do excretion - Bio lessons!
Ojas- Mujhe urine aa raha hai.

In a great moment of bonding, we decided to sing to karaoke. I started with Last Christmas.
Tejas- Politely- I think you should try something sung by a woman.
I tried another one, increasing the volume of the TV
Tejas- Let me close the door.

Kids- Open the door, I want to go to susu.
Me- do outside
Kids- cc TV will see my anus penus
Ojas- and chaddi
Tejas- I am not wearing chaddi

Me- Do you know when Mamu was small I pulled his pant down so he crawled towards me and tried pulling my skirt
Tejas- He should have just done this- made a lifting gesture
Simple Revenge Solutions

Tejas wrote a poem for my bday (2016)
A hen set out in a good mood to look for food. She got too angry and she ate her own brood.
Very Phoebe-isque poem

Why did you pull my hair Mamma
Tejas to Ojas- Mamma will say it is pyaar pull

Dialogue Check
Mummy help me
I am your mummy. Nobody will help you

In another news, both children wanted to vote for the guy who wanted to cut language classes and add more PT classes.


On a road trip Tejas was jealous of Ojas who was reading on my kindle. Since it was a pdf he couldn't access dictionary.
Tejas happy- little pleasures

Tejas when he saw cousin's Arabian dress picture
Who is this? Jesus Christ ? Why is he Arab?
Valid Religion questions

In a spree of environmental friendliness I asked Tejas to pee in the two compost pots.
Tejas- how will I pee in one, stop and pee in the other. I cant stop in the middle
Biologically sound question

During Doopaadoo Launch
Ojas- Mamma, Shruti Hasan asked my name when I was tying my shoelace.
Tejas- My friends will be J when I say I met ARR and Shruti Hasan
Ok. ARR I understand. But...
Isn't it too soon?


Ojas upon finding a chocolate in the fridge
Tejas- Which date did you get it in the birthday party? Cant you remember which friend gave you? Why didn't you eat.
He checked the date. Checked with me whether it was old. Finally couldn't control and ate it
Enlightened  Shoppers as usual

Tejas- I know about valentine's day. The day people make friends
Proud that he knows about it since 2013?
Wasn't that too early to know it?

Ojas- name one thing which is solid, liquid, gas
Me- Water etc?
Ojas- poop, pee, fart

The thing I hate is the plastic bat thrown on the dining table.
So I threw the bat outside.
He went promptly to my cupboard and threw my things on the floor.

One power-less night we played bull cow game. (number mental hangman)
We started with numbers
I asked Tejas to think of a four digit number.
My first elimination guess was - 1234
Tejas- surprised- correct
Ojas- ha ha Tejas Gandhi

Ojas- childish insult- eat cockroach saliva
Tejas - They don't have saliva

Me- Ojas- take this honey water and gargle
Ojas- Cover kar do. Flies aa jayega. Sweet hai na.

Me to Ojas- I have eyes at the back of my head
Ojas- Wait let me poke and check. No. No water in my eyes. Now let me poke your real eye and check.

When I had said the same to my brother when he was the same age he had asked a genuine -really?

Ojas- Mamma tell me honestly. Are you going to Delhi for office work or to meet all mamis?

Ojas when I didn't answer him- Mamma, kuch question poocha. And repeated the question
Beta bada ho gaya

Me- I am going to litfest for fun
Ojas- I know why you are going. Tumhara book dekhne

Tejas- why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7,8,9
Ojas- 7 doesn't have mouth. how will he eat?
#Kaise joke banaate ho

Ojas- If Hindu man marries Christian woman, will the children be Christian?
Tejas- I know an example- Murugan Mary

Ojas - a friend told me I kept lava in bottle. huh
Tejas- You cant even go near a lava.
Ojas- true

Not getting fooled!

One night I wore a sleeveless nighty
That day Ojas didn't want to sleep on my arm
Because- arm pit smell. Finally he put a pillow on it and slept


Ojas tells Mamu- Waiter, make juice for me (he was making drinks)
Mamu- get lost (in politer manner)
Ojas- I will complain to your manager. Goes and complains to Mami

Mamu- Cant find Barcelona T shirt
Ojas - What about Argentina, Germany
backup always ready
Ojas- look for Messi t shirt. Will be written at the back
Mamu- Doondhna padega
Ojas- Toh Dhoondho.
Never take no for an answer
No excuse shopping

Nani- Why didn't you write Hindi notes
Tejas- I was sent out of class so how would I write?
Casual Class

Ojas- did you sneeze on my French fries? Bacteria will come and infect it.
Tejas- So I can eat both French fries.
Ojas- Bacteria will come in your mouth
Tejas-- My bacteria only. Its coming out and the same is going in so no problem

In another news, I coughed on Ojas' head so that he shampoos.
He shampooed three rounds!
Fear of Bacteria works


Ojas- wake me but not in a terrible way
Me- what is terrible way
Ojas- switching off fan and mosquitoes bite

Me to Tejas- mera bachcha ko (Ojas) mara
Ojas- Main bhi tumhara bachcha hoon



 

What are the Sons Upto?

If the hair on my head were not already thin, they would have greyed by now considering they have taken to working like geniuses.

Last night I entered my home from my walk of 2000 steps and smelled the unmistakeable smell of L'eau de Issey. Yes it was World fragrance day on 21st March but doesn't mean I must smell fragrance like an air freshener.
The children complimented- Mamma your 'office' fragrance works. It kills ants. Which perfume? How many sprays? I knew the answer but still I asked.  They pulled out the Cabochard bottle and told me, this one.
'This one?' I screamed. 'Smell it. Does it look like you have sprayed this?'
'Yaa, this smells like Jasmine..'
'So? You sprayed this one?'
Ojas grabbed the bottle and I grabbed it back even as he sniffed it and said, 'yes this one.'
On one hand I felt relieved that I didn't walk to a smashed bottle of my favourite scent and on the other hand I panicked at the waste.
' How many sprays?' I asked, my heart beating.
'One only.'
'One?'
'Each'
'That is two sprays.'

I could have cried. Perhaps it is time to stop saving them for posterity and start using them liberally before they end up being used for letting ants leave in style (Dotmom's words not mine.)
What killed the ants, certainly made me stronger.  And yes, one more pun- I did pay through my nose for the perfume bottles.

 

Water Bottle Flip

Didn't know water bottle flip was a thing. Learned this from Sue's FB post and decided this needs to be recorded here for posterity and for possibly reminding the children of their atrocious act towards the defenceless water bottle. .

Well, this bottle flip is weird and annoying to boot. I feel that somehow, the water inside after suffering several flips must have got spoiled or lost its taste. Weird but the husband agrees to this too. I guess we have become those parents who say - kharab ho jayega to the children for every little thing they do.
Be it door banging, touching the TV remote several, touching the mobile phone, changing the smart charger wires, flipping the switches a little too many times, sleeping on bed covers and not the sheet, dragging their shoes on the ground; the list is endless. I yell, 'don't spoil it' for anything they touch or do which is not ordinarily done by adults.
The children have grown and we have finally learned to invest in our house so the dread of the décor being spoiled rests prime in our minds.
The plastic mineral water bottles is not a new tool to the children. They have been using empty bottles as a bat during travels several years now. Soon they began to cut them out to make highly useless crafts. Then there was a phase in which they poked holes at the bottle cap and used them to sprinkle water on others and in the process spray the home with several droplets making me scream- 'ghar ganda kar rahe ho' in agony and frustration.
The children raid my bag everytime I come home from a flight, in the hope of finding a mini waterbottle to be used for drinking water as they played. I hate them bottles. I believe they are best discarded however the children do not agree to my sentiment.
So when the 'bottle-flip' happened, I gave it the royal ignore. As long as I didn't have to drink the water inside that would have surely separated into million sets of two Hydrogen and one Oxygen molecule at the merciless flipping and thus wasn't fit for drinking.
The flip, is a flick of wrist of semi-filled bottle and with enough practice of the wrist and not the bottle, it lands upright. The flip, is an in thing among children of this age and is accompanied by the most annoying gurgling sound of the water together with the bubbling of the surface.
The flip cannot be ignored because it is in effect, a sport among children of this age group.
The flip, can drive parents to screaming and snatching of the bottle, dumping the water in the nearest potted plant and crushing the bottle mercilessly and dumping in the dustbin.
The fear of the flip may cause a parent to discard the bottle right before entering the house or leaving the airport. A parched throat is preferable to the hideous sound continuous water bottle flip makes.
The lure of flip causes children to drink several gulps of water in an attempt to empty them quickly or too watch the parent gulping the water in glee. Warning- may cause children to snatch water bottles away from the parent even if he or she has not had its full because a certain mean sea level / mean water level needs to be maintained in the bottle.
The love of flip may cause a stash of plastic bottles to get accumulated in hidden spots by the children much to the angst of the parent.

A parent can just wait and watch for the flip to pass.
 

State of Things

We are learning states and capitals of India.
Good for Mamma...

Feeling Very Proud - Momathon

When was the last time you felt really really angry with your children? Exasperated? Upset?

When was the last time you felt really worried about your parenting skill or style? 

Sometimes your children's behaviour may really make you think you are somewhere going very wrong with your parenting. 

I have often felt that, have spoken to other moms about where I could be going wrong. 

I have friends recommend books or methods to make the children know who the boss is.

Or to just take a chill pill considering that the said behaviour may be just a one off case.

I know that sometimes I have sobbed and howled in despair just wondering why they take so much liberty with me?

The husband mentions because they love you you are the only person with whom they can be naughty.

The mom says that it is because they do not see you the entire day so they want to let out their pent up emotions. 

Great words that make me feel better but still makes me look in awe at other parents with well behaved children and wonder where did I go wrong?

The other day a conversation was happening with my online friends and that let me thinking that we have so many instances where our children have made us proud.

It could be a simple act of making breakfast like the brat of karmic kids does.


And Cee has reasons to feel very proud of her young woman who has so many balls in the air.

An impressive score like that of Rahul makes a mom proud.

Or a happy traveller like Ashu

Or a good score in an exam  like that of Anush

A cool entrepreneurial debut like that of Ayaan

Or the mad sibling love which so warms the heart.



Dotmom's son's skill with Maths and piano is legendary.


Sometimes it good be a grown up son who makes a mom proud like Dipali says.

Or a grown up daughter and her public speaking achievement.

Or as IBH says in very simple words that her daughter is a dear older sister and a perfect daughter for her.

So now could be the right time to say it, since I am feeling all soft and mushy about them. I am truly
proud of my children. In our recent trip to Singapore we were trying to save some foreign exchange
on taxis especially since we had spent a huge some of money on tickets, hotel and entertainment so we decided to use the MRT as much as possible. We also took the the decision to walk in the zoo or river safari to make the most of the attractions without being hampered by trams and such which
causes endless amount of wait. We were clocking anything between 12km to 16 km on a given day, on top of that the MRT was a little five minute walk which could seem to be a lot more than that when one is tired and weary after a day of fun activities.

I admit I would feel the most daunted with the walk back from MRT especially because of the weight of the bottles and my hand bag.

I noticed that in spite of the fact that the children had walked as much as us, they were happy troopers standing in the train and not rushing to occupy seats, walking back from the MRT, hopping, frisking and matching our pace without at any point of time saying that they wanted to take a cab to the hotel.


They never threw a tantrum but waited patiently for the lunch or dinners we provided sometimes delayed.

They were extremely cooperative every morning in spite of the late nights.

I felt a lot more proud to note that my children loved the animal and science based places and were not too impressed with Universal Studio since everything there was unreal.  I was very proud to see them extremely interested in the science exhibits and spent time discovering what each display did.

I had to draw their attention to the interesting facts explained on the first few animals in the river safari. They picked up very fast that the stuff gave them a quicker understanding of what they were supposed to see and they began to read as they rushed to each exhibit in the zoo or aquariums.


And today, as I came home balancing several bags, Ojas tells me, Mamma, shall I help you and carried my bag in.

He also said that he has promised a few things to Mother Earth!

Reaching out to all moms....tell us what makes you proud of your children. Let's be proud of our kids together and remind ourselves the many ways in which they make us proud.

Leave a comment or post on your blog and link me back or leave a comment with the link.

Dumb Question, Sarcy Answer

We were making a paper cut out of a cube. Project from school, dont ask. Given a choice, I would never do it.
So once I had the cut out done, I asked Tejas, so now how do you want to stick this together.

Tejas- umm, Bubble gum? Or chewing gum!!

Questions

So P aunty of Bijoy and the Big River fame came to school to talk about story telling, illustrating etc.
The school claimed that the kids asked a lot of questions.

When I asked Tejas did he ask any question to aunty, he honestly replied no.

But Ojas says, I did not ask any question but I wanted to. Since the mike was not given to me, I could not ask.

I left it at that.

But Tejas asked with great interest and I detected a mild sarcasm - "Tell us what question you wanted to ask"

Ojas had no answer.

Tejas had a smug 'I told you'  look I imagine. 

8th birthday

The eight birthday was a sports themed one.
Extremely convenient because the cricket party was conducted by the husband and the other stuff like football was self conducted by the kids. The baseball and badminton did not happen though.

We did a quick IPL quiz downloaded five minutes before the party. The kids answered everything. Except two questions for which they said they had not seen "that" match!. Smart

The cake was butterscotch (which the cake shop claimed as chocolate which we had ordered) decorated with green sprinkles, a pitch, toothpick stumps, cream bat and ball.
We proposed that they add chocolate dolls- 13 players and the children picked a player each after the cake was cut.

The snacks were the usual fare- chips, juice and cake along with Maggi Noodles.

We had a small dinner afterwards.
The return gifts were the books Diary of a cricket God and Diary of a Soccer star bought off landmarkonthenet.com

The Easiest Homework

Last week, I encountered the easiest homework possible for the kids.

To write about the brand name, slogan, target market, ingredients of a chocolate of their choice.

I was extremely thrilled getting this done and it was only belatedly I thought that what were jargons like target market, tagline etc doing in a kids' homework sheet?

Next what will they be learning?

Brand Equity? Something that took me awhile to fathom after all!

And the Birthday Party

Was total madness. In cold blooded fashion I decided to do a painting party because 7 is all about colours.

And not just any ordinary painting. T shirt painting.

The return gifts were these very same masterpieces however the kids expected a concrete return gift which cheapo aunty me did not provide.

The preparation involved buying various sizes t shifts , 2 dozens of them including infant sized ones where their sailings could paint for them.

Buying paints, brushes and assembling other items for painting like ear buds, plastic knife, toothbrush, toys with shapes to stamp the design in a pattern.

T shirts came with their cardboards but we also inserted newspapers so that colours did not stick to the backside.

My original plan was to create ink lot designs, sprinkle paint drops and fold the t shirt lengthwise and open to get a random design.

However the kids would have none of that. They insisted they paint themselves and it was heartening to see the kids go all crazy with their own concepts. For once mine did not stick with each other but were on different tables with their friends.

The cake was great tasting with a disastrous rukando design which looked like a cross between Hanuman's langot and a devils horn, and so it is best forgotten and unphotographed. 

The food was street food concept Chole bhature, dahi vada, samosa, chicken 65, gulab jamun, ice
cream, juice.

I am not sure whether the kids will end up wearing their masterpieces but I think it was worth the experience.

What I could have done better was,
A) done the party in the afternoon so that they could play afterwards and once the t shirt would dry they could wear that for the cake cutting which was my original plan anyway however since they did not dry and it would add to the logistics it would be crazy.

B) added a piñata or a small return gift as the kids like that the best and I couldn't because I was too tired to even think of what gift to buy and manage the logistics of changing numbers of guests.

C) I wish I could have done he ink lot design as that would give it a neat finish however then the kids wouldn't have had the experience of painting the same.





The adults were around to help them with ideas and they put their names and some even put their phone numbers on the t shirt apart from a thumb or palm print.

Happy 7th

A friend says this is one anniversary (motherhood anniversary) that will not give the 7 year itch!

So a quick one to say that my babies, even though I scream at you like all the time, I still love you as much as I did 7 years ago.

Even though I cannot stand you guys for more than a few hours, I still miss you when I am travelling or at work.

My heart gives a pang everytime you walk away to the class and I think, wish I could have been a silent and far off observer while you did your own thing at school.

A few milestones that we achieved this year...
 Two lower incisors fell off for both at the same time and the upper incisors are loose for both. Tejas' one incisor has dropped off and is currently safe in my car!

I did a 10 day official trip, a first in terms of being away from my babies.

Ojas today assembled a scientific toy rocket on his own just seeing the manual. 

The kids prefer to stay home and play rather than go out with us.

We tried to instill the display of affection by designating an official bedtime huggy time between the brothers.

The birds and the bees are being observed with observations like girls like boys!!

 This time they sat up till 00 hours because they new that with the turn of the clock their birthday arrives.

Fashion Conscious

Since the shoes are not yet bought and of course the old ones have magically become too tight so the kids are wearing sandals with their school socks. Mamma surely has no idea of fashion so she insists that they wear their socks even if they are wearing sandals.

Ojas however comes back every evening with the socks stuffed in his bag.

Tejas - Ojas why are you always removing your socks?

Ojas- if anyone sees me with the sandal and socks they will laugh at me. 

-------------------

The other day the kids came back very annoyed. During the sports class they didn't get a chance to show their skill with he basket ball. Is it not unfair when the kids wait for so long for the sports class and then you spend the class sitting in one place?

I spoke to the teachers and expressed my displeasure at the unfairness of it all.

Driving to Banerghatta from Goa

Banerghatta capsule of the chennai goa bangalore trip by road this summer

The guide gave them front seats next to the driver

Tiger musings

White tiger in full glory

 Bears

Bison

Butterfly park not so impressive

Sent from my Nokia phone

Spider Monkeys

Climb the walls with justntheir palms and soles

Sent from my Nokia phone

Telescope

Finally mustered the courage to take this telscope out which AD aunty gave for their birthday.

We did manage to see the moon from the terrace last night.
Good fun...
Sent from my Nokia phone

Kiddy Room Redone

The Room with the hot wheels bed sheet as the inner bed sheet

Study Tables 

Seated on the new chairs...check the car mat

To solve the problem of which table belongs to whom...there pictures in the sliding glass case

A closer look at the tiny shelf in the tables

The Ben 10 dustbin

Colour boxes, Pencil boxes and endless number of crayons, pencils, color pencils

The Ben 10 figure welcomes at the entrance

The 6th Birthday Post- Belatedly

The 6th Birthday post coming up for record purpose.

I was too lazy to transfer the pictures and therefore the delay.

This time I just decided to sit pretty and not do a single thing. I had been wanting to do a story theme for the birthday party and I felt the time was right for the kids to appreciate stories.

I invited a very talented story teller praba of the saffron tree fame.

Her venture is Little Owl Story Time,...you can see the owl puppet she uses for the stories.

We had a delightful story session starting with a very delightful theatrical finger play where in she uses antonyms to create a lovely finger and body action play which serves as a very good ice breaker.

The kids were in rapt attention as Praba read stories to them. The best part is she makes them informal. Books are strewn around. Musical instruments and props like a globe and puppets were there to create a welcome distraction.

The theme was stories specific to countries and their wildlife and she took them to Africa and the Snowy lands and all.

The cake that the kids selected were Batman and Powerranger. T shirts to match were also worn!

The food was a buffet and bearing in mind the story theme, the return gifts were books.

Splinter-Ed

A couple of days ago, Tejas got a longish splinter stuck into his finger.
It looked tiny when I first saw, I actually thought it is a dead skin sticking out but it was hard and so I pulled it out slightly. To my horror it came out a little bit and I could see that it is actually a tapering piece - flat and broad that ends in a needle point. It was deeply embedded and tightly so and Tejas wasn't allowing me to even touch it.
I was afraid I would split it if I pulled it out while he was struggling so much.
For almost 2 hours I chased him.
Finally I checked the internet.
Here's what I got.
Soak it in warm soapy water. It will allow the skin to loosen.
Pull it out.
If it doesn't, stick the sticky side of a bandaid over it. That will keep the area moist and losen the splinter.
Well, the soapy solution part was easy. He sat there comfortably watching TV. But everytime I touched it he would wriggle away.
Then I decided to use the sticky plaster. Now that was an opportunity he would not miss out on.
He was engrossed in watching TV and gave me his finger to put the bandaid. Using this opportunity, I just yanked the splinter out.
Here's a link on the various methods to remove splinters.

Cycling

On December 7th we removed the balancing wheels and started training the kids...I guess I was more scared to leave them rather than them. I was more worried because they did not know how to prevent a fall.

Ths first thing what I taught them was how to prevent a fall... just place your legs and brake.

The next step (usually this is the last step people learn) was how to start the cycle by yourself.

and of course, there was the mandatory running behind them holding the cycle while they attepted to balance.

Another thing what I did, against common practice was to remove both balancing wheels at the same time, instead of removing them one by one. I always felt it caused more problem in learning to balance by giving them a false sense of security on one side and they sort of compensate by leaning over that side and when they fall, they fall badly.

So as of yesterday, they are cycling. Tejas is more of a pro than Ojas who has serious focusing problems methinks!

Cancellation

Ojas- tomorrow is my birthday?
Me- no, tomorrow is not your birthday
Ojas- mera birthday cancel ho gaya?
has my b'day been cancelled?

"his b'day is on tuesday!''

What has really been worrying them, especially Ojas is that the other set ( of twins ) had their b'day alderry...(already in their language), and their's has not yet come. And everyone seems to be buying stuff for them but not for Ojas and Tejas.
They are also expecting that we will have lots of games but Mamma has other plans this time. In fact she is not even properly planned. No frantic list making. No advance planning. In fact the excuse of a list is made on a post it booklet. And the guest list is pared to a minimum. Therefore the invitations also were done in a jiffy.
And therefore we are ready for the party but there is actually no slogging this time. Basically less of effort because as kids grow, they learn to enjoy themselves as soon as they gather.
The focus will be on learning something and experiencing a different thing and enjoying it too!
So watch this space for more.

Sent from my Nokia phone