Presentation Tactics

Obviously we all go on sleep mode during boring ppts

Dilbert.com Comic Strip by Scott Adams - 15-05-12

source: Dilbert

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Not All Sardarjis are Like Sidhu

I land up Monday night in Delhi and board the cab.
Me-No Radio?
Sardarji driver- Madam I will give you the owner's numbr. You call him and tell him to install the radio.
After some time, I notice the driver working hard on his mobile. I saw his eyes flashing between the road and the mobile to my horror, all this at a speed of say 60-80 on NH 8
Me- what? why are you sms-ing while driving
Sardarji- No madam I am not sms-ing the owner, I am just looking for the number so that you can call him and tell about the radio.
Me- no, I don't want to talk to him and complain.
Sardarji- No madam, if you complain, probably he will install it and I can listen to FM on the long drives.
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Next episode-
We entered my aunt's complex and went straight down the lane. I was giving him directions on how to reach the house.
Me- Take the Right
Sardarji stops at the intersection, looks do the right and says- I thought you said right, and went straight and turned left.
Me- Why are you going left, I said right.
Sardarji- that is left, why are you telling right.
Me- That is right, daaya you know.
Sardarji took an about turn and came back on the lane and crossed the intersection again.
Me- arrey, take the left.
Sardarji insisted- but there is no house there.
Me- how do you know? I know I have come here before.
Sardarji- Because it can't be seen from here.
Now what is this logic???? why should the house be seen from this road itself?
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नाक कटी / Nose Cut

मैं अपने भाई से- मेरा लेटेस्ट लेख पढा?
भाई- क्यों, अखबार है क्या, जो ताज़ा खबर पढना चाहिए ?
(मेरा पहला हिंदी लेख!)


Me to my brother R- Did you read my latest post?
Brother- Why is it a newspaper that I should read the latest news everyday?
(My first Hindi post!)

Calculations

This is a joke that used to run the rounds in my younger days.

7 sardarjis wish to meet Gyani Zail Singh to congratulate him when he became President. They want to buy a car and drive to New Delhi from Punjab. You know, want to look prestigious and not poor farmers or truck drivers from Punjab etc.

The car salesman quotes Rs 28000 for the car. The sardarjis requested the guy to divide the cost of the car into 7 so that each could pay their equal share. The salesperson quotes Rs 13000 per head.
The sardarjis were not convinced but still they paid up as they were in a rush to move on.
After traveling for some distance they met a sardarji friend of theirs. They filled him on the background and asked him to re validate the price division.

Sardarji friend calculates.
13
*7
- - -
=21
+7
- - -
=28
Calculation done is 7*3= 21 add to it 7*1=7 which gives 28
And assures them that the calculation is correct.

After a few more miles of travel, they meet another sardarji friend. This guy is also called upon to assure the.
He decides to divide.

13
- - -
7)28(
-7
- - -
7)21(
-21
- - -
0
Calculation done is 7*1 is 7. Subtract 7 from 28 you get 21. Divide 21 by 7 to get 3. Therefore 13 is the correct answer.

Finally they reach Gyani Zail Singh’s residence.
They decided to seek assurance from him too
Zail Singh decides to add up- simplest of all calculations
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
- - -
=28
calculation done is 3+ 3+3+3+3+3+3+1+1+1+1+1+1+1= 28

A Brush with the Law

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way i will have to get the money". Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything".
This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place
Q : What is your date of birth?
A : July fifteenth.
Q : What year?
A : Every year.

Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Q : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A : Yes
Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A : I forget.
Q : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q : How old is your son, the one living with you?
A : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q : How long has he lived with you?
A : Forty-five years.

Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A : He said, "Cathy, Where am I?"
Q : And why did it upset you?
A : My name is Susan.

Q : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q : The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q : Were you present at the time your picture was taken?

Q : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A : Yes
Q : And what were you doing at that time?

Q : She had three children, right?
A : Yes.
Q : How many were boys?
A : None.
Q : Were there any girls?

Q : How was your first marriage terminated?
A : By death.
Q : And by whose death was it terminated?

Q : Can you described the individual?
A : He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q : Was this a male, or a female?

Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A : No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q : All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A : Oral.

Q : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A : The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
Q : And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A : No
Q : Did your check for blood pressure?
A : No
Q : Did your check for breathing?
A : No
Q : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A : No
Q : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A : Not unless he was out practicing law somewhere